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Thread: Presentation about Native Americans help (language & content)

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    annamia's Avatar
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    Presentation about Native Americans help (language & content)

    Hi
    I need help with my english presentation about the daily life of the Indians today.
    I need the language and grammar corrected. As I'm german (and speak to a german class) the english shouldn't be that "difficult".
    Maybe somebody could as well check the content. Will +rep for every helpful answer

    thanks


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    Changes are in red. If words are deleted, I'll have made the words before and after them red too, for simplicity. Just compare what I've done to your original.

    General notes:

    1. Avoid using 'Indian', as it may be confused for citizens of India. You can still use it informally and in speech, but for written purposes to a class, it's best to be professional and clear (unless when 'Indian' is the name of something/place).

    2. Avoid contractions (eg. "it's") in formal writing. Write out the full words instead (eg. "it is"). I didn't fix all of your contractions, it's your choice if you want to.

    3. The tone of your presentation is too blunt in meaning. While the points you said are true, it sounds almost offensive to Native Americans, like a direct attack against them and their reserves. I would try to be as neutral as possible. Pretend you're a listener or Native American, how could you put it in a way that doesn't sound like you're taking a side or insulting them? Since this is for a class, it is especially important not to teach the wrong impression, on very impressional students at this level of study. They may end up hating or looking down at NAs in adulthood otherwise.

  3. The Following User Says Thank You to Mod For This Useful Post:

    annamia (03-10-2013)

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    Quote Originally Posted by Mod View Post
    Changes are in red. If words are deleted, I'll have made the words before and after them red too, for simplicity. Just compare what I've done to your original.



    General notes:

    1. Avoid using 'Indian', as it may be confused for citizens of India. You can still use it informally and in speech, but for written purposes to a class, it's best to be professional and clear (unless when 'Indian' is the name of something/place).

    2. Avoid contractions (eg. "it's") in formal writing. Write out the full words instead (eg. "it is"). I didn't fix all of your contractions, it's your choice if you want to.

    3. The tone of your presentation is too blunt in meaning. While the points you said are true, it sounds almost offensive to Native Americans, like a direct attack against them and their reserves. I would try to be as neutral as possible. Pretend you're a listener or Native American, how could you put it in a way that doesn't sound like you're taking a side or insulting them? Since this is for a class, it is especially important not to teach the wrong impression, on very impressional students at this level of study. They may end up hating or looking down at NAs in adulthood otherwise.
    thank you so much!
    I realized that the way I explained their situation was quite bad but I didn't know other words exept some "difficult" ones which were in my sources. But the way you corrected it is perfect. Thanks a lot!.

    If somebody else have some ideas please feel free to tell me. :p

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