Need to get some stuff off my chest

[hellraid]

I am a bit conflicted right now. A lot of stuff is starting to line up in my life. So not complaining.

I am not sure how much of a backstory I've shared over the years. But I was in a 8 year long relationship. It ended about 2 years ago. We said that we would be friends and what not, you know? the usual.

It went great for the longest time. At the end of last year she wrote to me that she entered a new relationship. (of course I know it was going to happen) My friends backed me up when they saw it and said she totally downgraded.

That made me feel good. But right now it's not what it is all about. Right now I just feel like I lost one of my best friends and I can't really cope in the way I want.

Am I being a complete idiot because my brain keeps going back to this? I have a few things left to pick up from "our place". Not really our place, I signed over it to her. Maybe that's what I need to let go.

But I still feel like I lose a long time friend. Then again I don't have anyone to talk to so what does it matter lol. Haven't spoken for real in like 3 months time now.

Sorry for the long message.

I think everyone here at Clraik is amazing, this is why I am able to just go full shield down right now. Thank you!

[oddish]

You're not an idiot at all, you can't help how you feel.
Everyone handles these situations differently.

I take it she has decreased with keeping in touch due to her new relationship?
I know it's hard, but sadly a lot of new partners will feel threatened by their s/o keeping in contact with an ex, especially one they were with for a while.

Do you still have feelings left over and maybe that's why you're feeling this way?

Idk why I commented since I am not an expert in this area lol
I do hope you feel better soon, though!♡

[hellraid]

You're not an idiot at all, you can't help how you feel.
Everyone handles these situations differently.

I take it she has decreased with keeping in touch due to her new relationship?
I know it's hard, but sadly a lot of new partners will feel threatened by their s/o keeping in contact with an ex, especially one they were with for a while.

Do you still have feelings left over and maybe that's why you're feeling this way?

Idk why I commented since I am not an expert in this area lol
I do hope you feel better soon, though!♡

I actually think I took that step and saying we should not speak with eachother as much because I felt she was about to enter a relationship sooner or later. I always knew it was not going to be me, for several reasons.

I don't think I have "love feelings" left over. I think I have safety feelings still. Or more so, it is fun to have someone to call everyday and just rant a bit.

I appreciate that you reply thank you <3

[Infected]

Sorry you're going through this bud.

I'm not an expert on this topic, but I ended a long term relationship 6 years ago, and I was good about it in the beginning, but the months following were some of my lowest. It was a similar situation where she got into a relationship before me, and that brought a lot of frustration and even anger.

If I had to comment on this, I'd say you first need to ask yourself what is really bothering you. Is it that you lost a friend, or is it that she got into a relationship, or is it that you still have feelings for her?

Any and all of those things could be true or untrue, but what I found that identifying exactly what was bothering me, then helped me work on getting over that aspect if that makes sense. It's normal to keep going back to it in your head. If there's anything I know about general human behaviour, is that time heals most wounds. Things like this, just try and keep yourself busy, slowly you'll find yourself caring less about the situation. And I know that's easier said than done.

If you ever need to talk, my DMs are always open bud. Take care.

[hellraid]

Sorry you're going through this bud.

I'm not an expert on this topic, but I ended a long term relationship 6 years ago, and I was good about it in the beginning, but the months following were some of my lowest. It was a similar situation where she got into a relationship before me, and that brought a lot of frustration and even anger.

If I had to comment on this, I'd say you first need to ask yourself what is really bothering you. Is it that you lost a friend, or is it that she got into a relationship, or is it that you still have feelings for her?

Any and all of those things could be true or untrue, but what I found that identifying exactly what was bothering me, then helped me work on getting over that aspect if that makes sense. It's normal to keep going back to it in your head. If there's anything I know about general human behaviour, is that time heals most wounds. Things like this, just try and keep yourself busy, slowly you'll find yourself caring less about the situation. And I know that's easier said than done.

If you ever need to talk, my DMs are always open bud. Take care.

Super good question, I don't think it's as much about she entering a relationship but more that I actually don't really have anyone left to talk to. I think (not 100% sure) that I don't care about she entering a new relationship.

I think my problem is that I live off of memories but also the loneliness that has been for the last few years. But it always feels better to come here and write a bit :3

[Cinnamoroll]

So what I’m stuck on here is the comment about her new relationship being a “downgrade”. Personally, if you are friends with someone, that isn’t really an appropriate or nice thing to say about someone else’s partner. Regardless of whether or not it is true, you don’t know that person the way she does, and the fact that you are comparing makes me believe there may still be feelings involved on your side. It is okay to be upset and feel like you lost a friend, but at the same time, we also need to remember boundaries. If you were the one to say initially that if you felt she as getting in a relationship that you two should talk less, that’s very telling that this was more than a friendship to you. Otherwise, things wouldn’t change that much and you likely wouldn’t feel this upset. As someone else said, you need to really examine and look at why you’re upset and why you feel the way you do.

I’ve never stayed friends with an ex, and I don’t know that I ever would. I know things are different for everyone, but after a relationship that long, I feel like staying friends is too complicated and may not be worth the feelings it brings on. That’s just my two cents on it.

[hellraid]

So what I’m stuck on here is the comment about her new relationship being a “downgrade”. Personally, if you are friends with someone, that isn’t really an appropriate or nice thing to say about someone else’s partner. Regardless of whether or not it is true, you don’t know that person the way she does, and the fact that you are comparing makes me believe there may still be feelings involved on your side. It is okay to be upset and feel like you lost a friend, but at the same time, we also need to remember boundaries. If you were the one to say initially that if you felt she as getting in a relationship that you two should talk less, that’s very telling that this was more than a friendship to you. Otherwise, things wouldn’t change that much and you likely wouldn’t feel this upset. As someone else said, you need to really examine and look at why you’re upset and why you feel the way you do.

I’ve never stayed friends with an ex, and I don’t know that I ever would. I know things are different for everyone, but after a relationship that long, I feel like staying friends is too complicated and may not be worth the feelings it brings on. That’s just my two cents on it.

Fair, I think you got me there. I think this just comes from some kind of anger maybe. I am not sure. More so anger because I felt like I did so much trying to keep the relationship going? Or honestly I am jus being a fucking dick to be fair.
I most likey trying to justify the relationship.

I think I am still mad that when we agreed to split she said but you'll be my friend still right? Of course I agreed. And I was there for the whole process she was going through being sad and what not for at least a year.

Then the moment she felt a bit better. There was no reason to talk to me no more.

[♥ AmandaBynes ♥]

Awww omg </3

I feel you so hard on this as I have been healing and growing and moving on from my breakup too. This was 3 years ago now so while I don't really feel soul-crushing pain from it all, I know I'm still not fully/totally moved on yet either. 2 days ago would have been our 8 year anniversary too so I was just thinking of him ya know. We had a perhaps codependent relationship and while he left for someone else, still couldn't let me go either. So it has been really really hard for me. We had a dog together that I still take occasionally but only really see the ex for dropoffs with that. There are still so many loose ends to tie up but trying to do so is like pulling teeth so I leave it as is. We both have fearful-avoidant attachment styles for sure.

My best advice to you would be feel it, but don't show you're sad about it. And go NO CONTACT and stay there, that's the one thing that has taken me all of 3 years is to stop reaching out and stop trying to talk to him and pretend we can just be friends. I just wanted to maintain some kind of connection cause of my own abandonment fears, but honestly we were never friends before, we were always romantically interested in one another, even from afar. We have too much history and feelings involved for it to ever work out as such. And the one thing you have to be totally honest with yourself is, if she wants to sit and talk about new guy are you gonna be totally chill about it? Probs not so trust me it's for the best to not even attempt friendship til you DGAF anymore. And THAT you can't fake.

Feel free to reach out if you ever need to dump on someone about it, I'm around ya know.


*hugs*

[Wreathy]

I'm sorry you're going through that! They say time heals, but my ex situations still keep me frustrated even after all the years. In the past, I would feel so sad/negative if I would not completely block and remove an ex from my life. Just seeing them on social media would remind me of the past, which is too painful for me to dwell upon. That said, I have been in a much more positive place after blocking all my exes. I truly feel for your situation. Best wishes.