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There's a critic review out there of Hausu that comments that if you took some bad acid and crashed a teenage girl's slumber party, it would be about like watching Hausu. Yep. Hausu is definitely a horror movie, we've got pianos eating teenage girls alive and demonic cat paintings puking out seas of blood, of course it's a horror movie, but the tone is so jubilant and cheerful that it's obvious that being scared is not really the point. Do not watch Hausu if you want a coherent plot and genuine scares. Watch Hausu if you want to cry-laugh for 90 minutes straight while asking "what the fuck is going on???" every thirty seconds. I LOVE this movie.
Demon/Possession: Evil Dead 2 (1987)
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I feel like this one doesn't require any explanation so here's a picture of me meeting Bruce Campbell to have him autograph one of my Evil Dead 2 posters :')
The Evil Dead, Evil Dead 2, and Army of Darkness is mandatory viewing imo
Werewolf: Cat People (1982)
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I wish I could say that I only like this movie for its fantastic score by Giorgio Moroder but it would be a lie. I genuinely love this movie about incestuous were-panthers. Cat People refers to itself as an "erotic horror" film and sex is a main plot element, but there actually is surprisingly little gratuitous nudity that isn't part of the plot.
Vampire: Near Dark (1987)
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I was very lucky to get to see a theater screening of Near Dark recently where the host explained Near Dark as not so much being a vampire movie as it is a movie about very complicated people. That's a great way to describe it. Near Dark is a brooding, thoughtful, beautifully shot, gorgeously scored (by Tangerine Dream!!) western vampire movie starring Bill Paxton in his best role ever. And if you happen to be an Aliens fan, why yes that is indeed Bishop, Hudson, and Vasquez starring together as a gang of murderous vampires.
Zombie (Serious): Dawn of the Dead (1978)
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There's a lot of stellar zombie movies out there but the OG Dawn of the Dead will always have my whole heart. It's a sequel to Night of the Living Dead but you don't have to have any knowledge of Night to enjoy Dawn. Dawn of the Dead drops you right into the chaos of a news station trying to navigate a zombie apocalypse and everything just goes to hell from there. I highly recommend following up Dawn of the Dead with Day of the Dead if just for the compare of the opening scenes alone, which complement each other brilliantly as a pair.
Zombie (Comedy): Braindead (aka, Dead Alive) (1992)
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this is a realllllly hard category to pick a favorite for because there are so many amazing ones. Shout out to Planet Terror, Return of the Living Dead, Zombie Flesheater, and Zombi 2. But this is the king of them all. I cannot fucking believe they let Peter Jackson make the Lord of the Rings movies after he made
this.
Witch: Suspiria (1977)
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the most gorgeous horror movie ever made, with one of the greatest horror scores ever written
Slasher (Serious): Maniac (1980)
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I am not a big slasher person (unless we're talking Christmas slashers - those exist in a galaxy of their own). I think they're boring. I'd have to be forcibly restrained to watch a Friday the 13th movie. Maniac is a rare exception, and it's really only the ending that I love so much. But holy shit.
That ending.
Slasher (Comedy): Slumber Party Massacre 2 (1987)
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you ever seen a comically ludicrous black comedy horror movie featuring a bunch of himbos and bimbos being slaughtered by a rockabilly musician with his deadly guitar/drill???? WELL NOW YOU'RE GOING TO
Mad Scientist (Serious): Eyes Without a Face (1960) and yes this came before the Billy Idol song
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An asshole plastic surgeon causes a car wreck which disfigures his beautiful daughter. To "save" her, he begins killing other women to try and transplant their skin to his daughter to fix her appearance. Meanwhile, the daughter herself is held captive as a prisoner/test subject in her own home, forced to wear a porcelain mask to hide her ruined face, not permitted any mirrors, windows, or contact with the outside world. This movie is very poetic in nature rather than gory or jump scare, it's tragically beautiful, and possibly has my favorite ending to a movie ever.
Mad Scientist (Comedy): Frankenhooker (1990)
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Bill Murry himself advocates for this absolute fucking treasure of a movie. I don't like super ironic, deliberately funny horror movies generally speaking. I'm suspicious of horror movies that have funny titles. The movies always feel like the title is the punchline to the one single joke the movie has. Not this one. This one is
fantastic. I beg of you, if you like dark adult comedy, watch this movie
Bogeyman: Phantasm (1979)
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BOOOOY!
Science Fiction Horror that does not feature Sigourney Weaver: Dark City (1998)
this one gets a trailer instead of a poster because the trailer is some good shit. If you do ever end up watching Dark City, try to rent the director's cut, not the theatrical release. Dark City in its intended form was deemed too mysterious and confusing for audiences (it's not) by its distributor, so they slapped an opening narration that explains the plot onto the beginning of the movie. Lame. Watch the director's cut if you can and enjoy discovery wtf is going on alongside the amnesiac main character.