I'd say my current present feels pretty fulfilling. Unlike other stages of my life where I've felt lost and distracted, I can say with confidence that this past semester things have been feeling well in place. I'm bound to graduate this summer and I can't be more happy or proud of myself. It's been a long journey with its ups and downs, it's hills and valleys, but I am happy with the end result after all the time invested in it.
- ⚡ -♦ Userbar by me ♦
Honestly, body disphoria sucks.
I've lost a lot of weight, and while I'm proud its hard to see how far I've come when I still see myself as big and insecure. The mental health hasn't been the best, It's improved over the last few years with my husband being such a great rock.
I'm proud of how far I've come in my career. In four years I've gone from a customer service rep to fleet manager/branch 2ic. The jump has been great and a good challenge.
Love all of you and love how this place is such a safe space <3
Thanks to Houndoom for the Shinx drawing!
Thanks to Great White North for the Shinx Ryu!
Thanks to DankRUSE for the avatar and to Lyrichord for the userbars and tying it in to the avatar art!
You all are amazing <3
Just recently realized i got some responses here so allow me to go through it all <3
@(you need an account to see links) yeah i love my house however i still have yet to fully dive into fixing and upkeep i literally spent thousands on pokemon cards and kinda regret it so im gonna sell my bulk and stuff i dont need out. thanks for touching up <3
@(you need an account to see links) thats wonderfully put. im glad youre here too! waking up and going through the day is a blessing in disguise for most and i appreciate you for chiming in. thank you seriously for being here.
@(you need an account to see links) lets face it, school sucks but just you being here and being present is wonderful thank you so much for all that you do for the forum. as long as you are happy... its all that counts!!
@(you need an account to see links) so proud of you!! i know weve had talks prior but good to hear things keep progressing forwards thats all we can hope for. and thats all i want for everyone is steady as she goes. happy to see you doing well even with a cloudy mind i think youll do just fine <3 keep up th great work!
♥ Shinx ♥ (04-26-2023)
Thank you for posting this discussion! I'll be honest - I face a lot of internal insecurities that tell me I'm not good enough. From a young age, I felt that I was always pressured to be a certain way, be a certain someone, follow a certain career path, and ultimately, live my life for others' expectations. It's been a difficult journey to break out of. But a distinct memory that makes me feel proud of myself was writing a legit full on essay to convince my family, especially my parents and older brother, that I needed a gap year. I have plans to go to law school and for the longest time, I felt like I had to I had to just rush into my goals or that I would fail if I didn't meet some arbitrary deadline. When I first mentioned the idea of a gap year some months ago in the last semester, my parents and older brother would constantly call me and start off with "you should go to law school right away", "you might burn out, you need to go to law school right away", or "so and so *insert name here* went to law school/grad school/med school right after college and now they are working, that could be you" lol literally all the time and they wouldn't even start off with "hi, how are you doing?". When I faced a mental breakdown from carrying on so many responsibilities from my thesis paper to being a leading officer role in my club to dealing with the hardest economics courses and going through honestly pretty fucked up shit in my club... I had enough.
The constant pressure I felt from my life consumed me. I broke down nearly every day. I was angry, upset, and guilty, most at myself but a talk I had with a close mentor (professor) of mine had given me the space to be vulnerable. And she said something that made my absolute day. "There is no deadline to meet." Simple. But it meant a lot. I feel like my life I felt like there was always a deadline to meet but there really wasn't. So I took the time to legit write a whole ass essay to convince my family that I needed a gap year filled with statistics, my plan for a structured gap year, and what I hope to accomplish. After sending a really long essay, my family finally went off my back and my brother wrote that "this was great. Regardless of anyone else, make yourself proud first" and so I did. This is one of the first times I've ever stepped up to say something and make my own decision when speaking with me family. It means a lot. So I'm trying to build a sense of belief in myself and I think I will be able to.
Excalibur (04-26-2023)
honestly dont know how you did it. i could not for the life of me do that much in a day. maybe its different.. i used to work 90 plus hours a week juggling business and full time work. so maybe we think we can do it? then burn out after a couple days and do it again get sick burn out.. lol i know that lifestyle in the working side.
but to mentally be focused like that for a long time i couldnt do it. thank you so much for sharing. and im really hoping you continue your rhythmic path of you come first and you come always. time is definitely not something to constantly dread yourself with. youre doing great.. <3
♥ Cerberus ♥ (04-26-2023)