I got married! Appreciation thread!

[Nyanobyte]

Congratulations on your marriage! What an amazing life event ^-^

I think the biggest advice i've learned along the way (10 years together, 6 married now!) is that problems are a lot easier faced together. I know that sounds simple but sometimes life happens, people get stressed, and hardships will come. Its easy to get on each others nerves or just misread emotions when life decides it wants to toss a curveball. Just remember that you are always a team first. Its always you two vs the issue. Never you two vs each other. Thats something thats helped my husband and myself work out some thing along the way, remembering that each day we wake up and chose each other, and that we are a team first. (Which also gets into communication but I know that's already been said and is 100% they key to everything)

[Nattiee]

Eek, congratulations! I love love, and I love hearing when people have found an actual partner to go through life with.
I wish I could give you something others haven't already said but everyone pretty well spelled it out and I think it translates to all relationships, romantic or not. Communication is #1. You may not always like each other but at the end of the day, you love each other. Being able to verbalize what bothers you, what has hurt you, what your needs are and when you aren't having those needs fulfilled is huge. It's also very important to communicate gratitude. When there's an issue, it should be you and your partner against the problem, not against each other. Like Nyan said, everything is so much easier to face as a team and knowing you ultimately have each other's backs no matter what.

The last thing I'd say too is to take time for each other intentionally. Just because you're watching a TV show together or sitting on the couch together doesn't necessarily mean you're spending time together. Being on your phone, tablet, laptop, etc. Unless you both agree that that's quality time together, of course.. but some people want that uninterrupted quality time. Going for a walk together, trying something new.. those things

[Infected]

Thank you all! There is actually some wonderful advice going around in this thread. Most of my friends and cousins are only recently married within the last couple of years, so all of this advice is really invaluable!

[Uma]

Congratulations @(you need an account to see links) what wonderful news, I wish you two all the happiness and success in your relationship.

There has been a lot of good advice around communication, working as a team, proactively dealing with problems rather than letting it fester. I completely agree and I won't repeat.
I only have a few things to add from my own experience:

- Don't seek fairness. Nothing is fair in a relationship, there is no 50/50. One person may shoulder more of the financial responsibilities, one person will be the one carrying the baby, one person may come home more stressed than the other and therefore require more love & care. There is never equality in a relationship - so pursue equity.

- "Begin with the end in mind" Take the time to sit down with your partner and imagine and talk about what you want the end goal is. What kind of relationship to you envision, what does success in a relationship mean to you two? Don't be afraid to dream big even if it sounds unrealistic, because this is a whole life's work. Once you know what you're working towards, what I find useful when I am faced with a difficult decision is asking myself: "What would be the best thing for this relationship?" rather than what "I" (or my partner) would personally prefer most in this immediate situation.

- Do what you must, to make things work (even if its not what others might do or might seem unnatural!) Just like any couple, my partner and I get into disagreements. We used to fight in unhealthy ways, we let our emotions take over and we say and do things that hurt the other, that we later regret. Yet in the moment, it felt 'most natural'. I am suggesting that what it takes to get things working can sometimes feel unnatural. For example, my partner and I now put in place a fortnightly "meeting"/"catch up" where we open up about our relationship - any grievances, annoyances, successes - anything. It's a time to be honest and clear the air. We have rules for this kind of meeting, where we both go in knowing that the other person may say something about what we're doing wrong, and the listener must not interrupt, defend, excuse or dismiss. Once the speaker is done, the listener may only apologise or discuss solutions. We also use notepads, and I write down notes as my partner is talking because sometimes I forget point 1 by the time they're up to point 5. Putting it on paper helps me make sure I don't miss anything, that I am showing respect to my partner's issues and problems always look a little less intimidating when you put them into words.

I have had friends mock our 'way' of dealing with problems, saying that it takes too much effort and sounds unnatural. I agree, it takes effort and isn't for everyone but it works for us. Whatever it takes for you and your partner, is right.

I wish you all the best in your relationship!

[Pidgey]

I just skimmed over most all the replies here.

Lots of great advice from everyone.

I will touch point on the joint accounts thing from page one.


This seems so foreign to me. I grew up in a broken home. My parents were divorced and my father was toxic and my mother was absent.

So just going off my own beliefs I've always been opened about everything. We don't hide our phones or browser history.
We both know all our passwords. If anything happens to me I'd want him to be able to handle things.

With that we've had joint banking accounts since we got married.

We both worked but we moved to a small town where I was the only one working for the majority of the time we've lived here.

He is better with making sure things get paid on time. So he's managed all our finances from the beginning.

I've only recently heard of people not sharing accounts in my line of work. I thought it was because most wifes in our line of work dont work. So it's interesting to see other people with this opinion not in my line of work.

I think if it works for you great. Money has never been an issue in our relationship. I feel like that's mainly due to communication.
But it's nice to read everyone's advice here!

[Strat]

Congratulations! I myself have been married to my beautiful wife now for 16 years and we've been together for a total of 23 years. We have three amazing kids and are fortunate to be living our best lives together. One piece of advice that my old man gave us on our wedding day during his speech was, "Never go to bed on an argument, stay up and fight" haha. It kind of echoes Royalty's comment above about one of the couple eventually cracking and talking out the issues. This is the best advice in my opinion. Even if you know you're right (or wrong), admit to it and talk to your partner about their (or your) issues, especially when they're fresh. Never bottle up emotions, it only ever ends badly. A good relationship is based on trust and honesty with one another. Hopefully you guys don't require this to happen too often, but sometimes it can be a healthy part of a relationship to have your differences from time to time as long as you can both come to some form of compromise to benefit you both and make you both happy.

Enjoy your lives together, I wish you all the best in the future and what it may hold for you both!

[Charmander]

Congratulations on getting married @(you need an account to see links)! It sounds like you guys had an amazing day! My hubby and I will be coming up on 10 years of marriage next spring! *eek that went fast!*

So tips on marriage. Well it takes work haha as cliche as it sounds. It will also be a roller coaster ride. And from my experience, to make that roller coaster more enjoyable it takes some of these things

Communication: You can't read eachother's minds no matter how long you have been together. So be open and have clear lines of communication. It will make things so much easier in the end.

I know it was mentioned here before but it's OK to have your own things to do on your own apart from eachother. Yes it is important to have those in common things to do together but it is also healthy to have things that you do apart. It's ok and health to have time apart from eachother to do your own things.

It's normal to go through lulls and slumps in any relationship and this still happens when you get married. It's how you get through it together that makes the relationship. Skeep things alive and make lots of date nights so you can focus on eachother and reconnecting.

I hope this was helpful as I feel like I'm keyboard spewing, but this is what I can share from my own experience.

Most importantly have fun!

Congratulations again!

[♥ pppp3 ♥]

congratulations!!! ugh i love me a good love story you must be over the moon!!!!

[♥ Shinx ♥]

Congrats on your marriage! Married life is awesome
I am almost two years married to my soul mate, we have been together coming up six years.
He is my rock, and such a goofball.
He comes to almost every single hockey game (unless sick or working) and is always there cheering me on. He warms my heart.

I had weight loss surgery over a year ago and he has been so supportive, and helpful to get my life on track.
We race cars together, game together, and have two fur babies.

My one tip would be communicate, be open with all feelings happy or sad and make sure you are always on the same page.
Try not to go to bed angry and sort as much as you can that day!

[Cinderella]

Oh wow congratulations of getting married! So exciting for all enjoy your special time!