Need to get something off my chest

[hellraid]

So not many people know this, hell the only one that actually know this is my closest friend and he probably knows it because we are in the same situation.

Anyway, I am a functional alcoholic, or atleast I believe that's the case. I can go days without drinking no problem at all. But then I go on a weird banter for weeks. I know what I am doing is wrong, and the reason why I do it is mostly because of boredom but also to feel somekind of happiness I guess. I know I am a messed up soul, no doubt about it. I also know what's most likely going to change this behaviour. I just needed to get this off my chest towards people I feel won't judge.

I don't drink strong alcoholic drinks or even strong beer. I drink light beer. But Sometimes it can be 18 50cl per day. I always played it off as "well it's only a minor procentage of alcohol so it's fine" Also doesn't help that summer is here, then again I am making excuses. I could say the same thing about winter. Oh wow it fucking sucks, it's dark and cold. I need some beer.

Honestly at this point I am not even sure what I am talking about. But it does feel good to share something like this. I am tired of hiding it.

[goodnightmoon]

Hey. First of all, I'm glad you shared. Second of all, I'm writing to let you know that you're not alone at all and that honestly... same.

I just kept opening bottles at home. For no reason. It's 4:30 PM, I should go ahead and have a glass of wine so I can have a couple more before bed. I worked out today and I'll work out tomorrow, and I drank 90oz of water, so I'll just polish off the whole bottle.

I had to stop drinking almost entirely because my health took a very rapid sudden downturn and drinking even one glass of wine almost totally immobilized me. But it's not to say I didn't try, and try again, and try again, until I had to stop trying because I couldn't do my job.

I'm just writing back to you to let you know that I completely understand how you feel. My own therapist doesn't know my struggles with alcohol, I'm sure I will tell her one day, but not yet.

I don't judge you, I get you, friend. I hope you find whatever it is you're looking for and if that's just a little bit of pressure relief from holding in that information then I'm glad we could be the sounding board.

♡

[hellraid]

Hey. First of all, I'm glad you shared. Second of all, I'm writing to let you know that you're not alone at all and that honestly... same.

My husband works in the wine industry. We have unlimited access to wine. At first it was fun: attending tastings with him, doing blind tests, going to our favorite wine bars. But I just kept opening bottles at home. For no reason. It's 4:30 PM, I should go ahead and have a glass of wine so I can have a couple more before bed. I worked out today and I'll work out tomorrow, and I drank 90oz of water, so I'll just polish off the whole bottle.

I had to stop drinking almost entirely because my health took a very rapid sudden downturn and drinking even one glass of wine almost totally immobilized me. But it's not to say I didn't try, and try again, and try again, until I had to stop trying because I couldn't do my job.

I'm just writing back to you to let you know that I completely understand how you feel. My own therapist doesn't know my struggles with alcohol, I'm sure I will tell her one day, but not yet.

I don't judge you, I get you, friend. I hope you find whatever it is you're looking for and if that's just a little bit of pressure relief from holding in that information then I'm glad we could be the sounding board.

♡

Honestly? this post made me so happy to read (not because of the struggle you in one way also go through) but just knowing that one is not alone. I understand the 4:30 pm all to well. Sadly by that time on certain days I am already "having" fun.

I am a bit glad I never got into wine, but in one way it's pretty much the same. Just a bit stronger.

Anyway,thank you for responding <3 and if you ever want to talk about it I am also here.

[Alcremie]

Hey there, I know how hard it is and you're not alone in this. I've seen my brother struggle with this for 15 years. My whole family on both sides sans my mom & I have this problem. If you have access to a community, friends, etc. please continue to reach out. Only when you feel comfortable. I agree, all seasons have their drinking reasons. I used to think winter was the worst, but it is absolutely summer that is the worst. Do you have access to any resources that could help you?

[hellraid]

Hey there, I know how hard it is and you're not alone in this. I've seen my brother struggle with this for 15 years. My whole family on both sides sans my mom & I have this problem. If you have access to a community, friends, etc. please continue to reach out. Only when you feel comfortable. I agree, all seasons have their drinking reasons. I used to think winter was the worst, but it is absolutely summer that is the worst. Do you have access to any resources that could help you?

First of all I am sorry to hear about your brother struggles. That sucks.

I might have resources to help me, I think I already know what is going to make it all better though. It might be awhile to get there. I am actually surprised that my family haven't noticed yet, nor did my ex when we where together. I guess you get kind of good at hiding it when you are ashamed of it :/

[goodnightmoon]

Honestly? this post made me so happy to read (not because of the struggle you in one way also go through) but just knowing that one is not alone. I understand the 4:30 pm all to well. Sadly by that time on certain days I am already "having" fun.

I am a bit glad I never got into wine, but in one way it's pretty much the same. Just a bit stronger.

Anyway,thank you for responding <3 and if you ever want to talk about it I am also here.

Totally. It feels so isolating because there are some times something comes up later in the evening I should need to leave the house for, and I can't because I can't drive. I'm like... "What the fuck is wrong with me, why can't I just NOT do this?". Reading your post is like reading from my own brain (except, sub beer for wine, haha). I also start my "fun" a bit earlier if I'm off work that day... I make lots of excuses for having the day off and why I "deserve" it.

I'm also here if you ever want to talk about it, too. Or are having a rough time. Big hugs to you, I know there's something that made you feel compelled to make this vent post so I just want to make sure you don't ever feel alone or ashamed, my inbox is open for you!

[I_royalty_I]

Hey at least you can recognize it and have the self awareness to realize it. I personally don’t judge you for that at all either, it’s just a thing. It really depends on whether you are okay with it or want to change it. Maybe think about how it got to that point and why you do it. Sometimes it’s as simple as - just because - or it’s just a habit. If it doesn’t significantly interfere with your daily life then maybe it’s not something you need to make an immediate change to. I don’t have any solid advice to give and I don’t think you’re necessarily looking for it. I haven’t been in that position before so I don’t know what you’re going with with this sort of thing. It’s good to at least get it out and discuss though, I hope being able to share helps you out even the slightest bit

[Alcremie]

First of all I am sorry to hear about your brother struggles. That sucks.

I might have resources to help me, I think I already know what is going to make it all better though. It might be awhile to get there. I am actually surprised that my family haven't noticed yet, nor did my ex when we where together. I guess you get kind of good at hiding it when you are ashamed of it :/

You seem to be pretty self-aware about the whole thing so you're already helping yourself better than 90% of addicts, I'd say. It took a while for me to snuff out the hidden beer bottles my brother would stash in various places. It happens, either you don't want them to notice or they just don't. Just remember during the healing process there will be some slip-ups but there will always be support somewhere.

[hellraid]

Totally. It feels so isolating because there are some times something comes up later in the evening I should need to leave the house for, and I can't because I can't drive. I'm like... "What the fuck is wrong with me, why can't I just NOT do this?". Reading your post is like reading from my own brain (except, sub beer for wine, haha). I also start my "fun" a bit earlier if I'm off work that day... I make lots of excuses for having the day off and why I "deserve" it.

I'm also here if you ever want to talk about it, too. Or are having a rough time. Big hugs to you, I know there's something that made you feel compelled to make this vent post so I just want to make sure you don't ever feel alone or ashamed, my inbox is open for you!

It's a bit weird, but kind of makes me happy to hear you say these things. I will make sure to approach your inbox when things start to feel bad, which they tend to do every now and then. Thanks. Also my inbox if also always open, since it seems like you doing the same thing as I do.

Hey at least you can recognize it and have the self awareness to realize it. I personally don’t judge you for that at all either, it’s just a thing. It really depends on whether you are okay with it or want to change it. Maybe think about how it got to that point and why you do it. Sometimes it’s as simple as - just because - or it’s just a habit. If it doesn’t significantly interfere with your daily life then maybe it’s not something you need to make an immediate change to. I don’t have any solid advice to give and I don’t think you’re necessarily looking for it. I haven’t been in that position before so I don’t know what you’re going with with this sort of thing. It’s good to at least get it out and discuss though, I hope being able to share helps you out even the slightest bit

Actually no advice is needed, I am all aware that this is my choice and what I am doing with it is only on my and me alone. Just seeing a response and reading kind of helps. I know what my goal is, I am just not quite there yet and being able to rant about it a bit and just letting people know might be the first step towards victory. Hopefully ^^

- - - Updated - - -

You seem to be pretty self-aware about the whole thing so you're already helping yourself better than 90% of addicts, I'd say. It took a while for me to snuff out the hidden beer bottles my brother would stash in various places. It happens, either you don't want them to notice or they just don't. Just remember during the healing process there will be some slip-ups but there will always be support somewhere.

Problem is that I am still hiding it (to most of the people I know, not all of them) But yeah I do tend to hide some of it because I know it's wrong. I did manage to stay clean for like a month or two. But my family is also very like it's weekend lets have a few drinks. I also have a very easy time to get addicted to stuff. I used to be a smoker, finally kicked that habbit. Not because I wanted to, but because I had to. So maybe I can do that with this as well

[Cinnamoroll]

It doesn’t matter the type of alcohol you drink, or how often you drink it. It really comes down to the amount you’re drinking.

A lot of people don’t consider binge drinking to be alcoholism, but it is. There is plenty of research and documentaries about the danger of binge drinking and the prevalence of binge drinking in modern society (perfect example: “wine mom” culture). The hardest part is admitting there may be a problem in the first place as many people often are stuck in the denial stage or the “well no there’s people who actually have drinking problems, mine isn’t that bad” kind of mindset.

Hopefully you can work towards recovery, however that may look for you.