2023 has been the worst year of my life

[Targaryen]

So I figured why not come on clraik and vent about my super messed up life currently..


SO BACK STORY LETS START AT THE BEGINNING!!!

I was a young teenage mom, sixteen and pregnant the whole nine... WELL years later I got married to the love of my life who got me pregnant at 16.
We were kids, fell in love whatever. Well by the time our first son was about five we had issues in our marriage, he told me he didn't know he was in love with me,
I wanted more kids and he didn't blah blah blah. So he had a "girl friend" at that time and I thought it was more (lol it was fyi) and he said he needed space and could see other people why we separated...

Well SAD little ole me let it happen and actually went on a date with a guy 10 years older than me at the time, of course a week later my husband decided he did love me and it was his mental health issues making him feel this way not knowing if he was in love with me or only loved me as a mother to his child type deal.

Needless to say I did learn he did things with said friend during the separation he wanted. We were apart for months, I pursued the dopamine of a man giving me attention and eventually broke it off because I knew I was in love with my husband.

We tried to fix things, I got pregnant a year or so later again and things felt good. I had a hard pregnancy and saw him drawing away, and the first year of our second sons life was so damn hard. I was so alone and he distanced himself alot.

After my son turned like 9-10 months I noticed he was messaging a new girl from work a "single mother friend" same type of situation from last time (he literally falls for women reminding him or his mother I guess).
I confronted him and he said it was just a friend, lies lies lies, well this girls boyfriend reached out a few weeks later confirming my suspicions...
He made more lies I believed, I tried to confront this woman... during my worst having post partum depression being alone... the full nine... more lies from them both.

I had people reach out from his work on and off for years letting me know rumors... it even got to the point I started working at the same job as them... and no one ever really confronted me besides hey I heard a rumor...

Well of Feb of this year my husband finally confronted me how he had a 3 almost 4 year long on and off affair... he has a one year old daughter (we officially got the test and confirmed its his)
with the woman he lied to be about for years. I literally felt so stupid, the person I've loved for over 12 almost 13 years now lied to me and I truly denied all of these peoples warnings...


I've been trying to cope, heal, figure out wtf I want out of life... he said he loves me and it was because of x y z ( no excuse but he does suffer from borderline personality disorder, childhood trauma, depression, anxiety basically anything you name it)


BUT MAN, the love of my life fucked up again on and off for years...had a whole ass other baby, the daughter I never got to have. I feel so alone, so fucking betrayed....

I started meds for myself and was diagnosed with the things I already knew, anxiety, depression but also bipolar.. yayyyy.


Therapy has been booked out months, my friends and family are mad I want to see if I can save my marriage, I love the man but have no idea how to forgive or if its even possible for me... living with the constant what if especially now they have a whole ass child together....



How are you supposed to react to the love of your life since you were 15 and father of your boys does this to you? I feel like a joke, I feel like a fraud, I feel so alone...



I know this probably isn't the place but neopets and this site have been my escape on and off for years and years.... I could just use some input, even if its to say hey girl you're gonna get thru this.. or to see if anyone has been thru anything similar.

I've always struggled with my self-esteem but this made it an all time low.... before all of this I started a journey of healing for myself trying to drink less, eat better and loose weight beginning of the year...
In December I weighed 189 and I am not 137 now. I have kept up with my healthy habits so I guess its funny I'm my hottest at my mentally worst but idk.. ANYWAYS, that's my story. ya girl is struggling ;-;

[Rebel_Minx]

My worst year of my life was 2017 when my daughter was born and died 18 days later. I was disowned by my family (except my mom and dad). Then that same year, my hubby's mom passed in early October, and 3 weeks later my dad passed of a brain aneurysm after shoulder surgery.So, while not the same situation as you, we both have dark stories where we feel alone. I was recently diagnosed with Manic depression and bipolar, as well as aspergers and adhd. My daughters birthday is May 30th, and every year it gets worse for me. Last summer was the worst. I was around so many friends and family and people who love me but felt so alone. It was the first time I ever got to the dark place where I planned to do something that thankfully I didn't go through with. Instead, I moved back home to be with my hubby and he helped me get through my darkness. I finally got on depression meds that I so desperately needed. So, if you just keep fighting and be honest with yourself, YOU WILL GET THROUGH THIS!!! I know I am not alone when I say if you ever need to vent, PM me. Sending you so many positive and strength vibes your way.

[Polorin]

i bet you've already heard from other people that you should just get a divorce and move on. honestly, i think you should too, because he has repeatedly shown that he doesn't respect you. however, i understand that it's easy for me to say this as someone who is outside of the situation, so i'll try a different approach...

you mentioned that you want to save your marriage. but what about him? does he want the same? i'm not talking about what he tells you, but rather if he has actually shown any signs of putting in the effort to improve things. is he willing to go to therapy and seek help for his mental issues? would he be open to couples therapy? have you discussed the need for better communication to make you feel secure? does he understand that he needs to stop flirting and cheating in order to be with you? and how does he plan to handle the situation with the other child and your own kids?

i mean, i understand that you want to make things work, but it's not solely your responsibility. i'm really sorry to say this, but your husband sounds very immature. i don't think he fully grasps the magnitude of the problem he created by impregnating another woman. he has cheated on you multiple times, so i believe it's time for you to establish some boundaries. if he genuinely wants to be with you, HE is the one who needs to prove that he deserves you, not the other way around. he should be the one putting in most of the effort here.

you have been an amazing wife, forgiving him and doing your best for your family. but from what you've shared, he doesn't reciprocate that to you.

all i can say is that you deserve better. the one who should be worried is him, not you. please take care! ♥

[Ice]

I 100% agree with everything Polorin said. My only addition really is that (from watching two friends go through a very messy and drawn out break up earlier this year) - just because you love someone, does not mean they are right for you. Maybe this is coming from a place of being slightly older than you but it really is true when they say you can't base a relationship solely off of love, especially if it's so one sided in your situation. You absolutely need to do what is best for YOU (and your children), and just because you love this man, does not mean he is it. I'm so sorry to hear about how awfully he's treated you, it really sounds like he isn't mature enough to commit himself to anyone, let alone you and your two children. I can't even imagine how hard it must be for you going through all this, but you deserve someone who would move heaven and earth for you! Relationships really are a two person job and require so much communication, compromise, dedication, and hard fucking work. If he doesn't want this even a fraction as much as you do, I can't say with much optimism that your situation will turn around for the better without massive changes that you may spend the rest of your life (and sanity) waiting for, and even then they might never come.

[Targaryen]

Thank you all for the supportive words, it sucks because he is willing to do therapy and has started getting the mental and medical helps he needs.
I am just worried that even with him making the changes and trying to be better with communicating while getting help I'll still never trust him again..
Always have that constant wonder of why that is related to me I guess? Because I was too trusting for far to long, I saw him mentally struggling and tried to help but he had to want to help himself.

He self medicated heavily with pot for years, and would hide away from us and it made me feel some type of way for along time....but when we talked about it only lasted for a short period of time he'd stop hiding and smoking as much.
This time he hasn't touched it since everything came clean in Feb. which is the longest he's gone without since I met him.

I know I love him and love isn't enough to make two people work, marriage or any relationship is compromise and sometimes sacrifices for the people you love.
I'm just terrified he doesn't love me like he says he does, and eventually his past issues will re-surface and ill be the fool trying to stay for love and my kids.

He cut off everything with this woman besides kid communication but even that for me is hard seeing her for pickups and drop offs.
And he literally still works in the same building as her, its huge but truly if they wanted to hide something and continue, I have no real way of knowing if at work they're not talking.

He keeps saying he'd do anything to make it work, that I am his soulmate/love of his life. And he's been suicidal and alone for so long because living with this has been the worst thing he's ever done...
BUT he kept going back, because he was alone and had no one to talk to about it he said. But I literally helped him get thru surgery for a work injury for his knee for months...

I was struggling with anxiety for him because during that time he had a seizure and I was alone with him in the shower and had to call 911 while the person I loved more then anyone was in my mind dying...

Come to find out he went BACK two weeks later to her... to "END" things again, but guess what they didn't he just fucked her again after valentines day and I didn't even get a valentines present or card.

I don't trust he doesn't still miss her, I don't trust he wont go back, I don't trust him at all.... and even more so I can't trust my gut anymore because I have denied what I felt so long chalking it up to my own insecurities and being a bad wife.

I am so excited to start my atleast virtual therapy monday, because every day is a new day and every day I feel like I struggle differently. ;-;

[hellraid]

I am so sorry to hear this, such a sad story. Fucked if you as me. Super crazy. I am wishing you all the best in the future. Really hope you'll find some peace in this messed up story. Also sorry but fuck him, such a dickhead. This is why I stopped believing in relationships lmao. No one can be trusted anymore

[Targaryen]

I am so sorry to hear this, such a sad story. Fucked if you as me. Super crazy. I am wishing you all the best in the future. Really hope you'll find some peace in this messed up story. Also sorry but fuck him, such a dickhead. This is why I stopped believing in relationships lmao. No one can be trusted anymore

Kinda sucks because I was one of those people who thought I had this magical love story that pre-vailed since we were kids...
LIKE I THOUGHT WE HAD THAT DREAM, even tho its never perfect you know relationships aren't perfect. And you can say fuck him as much as you want he did something awful.
The man I was in love with in my head would of never done this so I feel like I'm having a weird imposter complex right now.

[hellraid]

Kinda sucks because I was one of those people who thought I had this magical love story that pre-vailed since we were kids...
LIKE I THOUGHT WE HAD THAT DREAM, even tho its never perfect you know relationships aren't perfect. And you can say fuck him as much as you want he did something awful.
The man I was in love with in my head would of never done this so I feel like I'm having a weird imposter complex right now.

This is so sad I am really sorry to hear this. I understand where you coming from. It will suck for a long time but it will get better. In the meantime you can always write me and rant if need be. Remember that you rock though. You're strong and a great person! Best wishes

[I_royalty_I]

Are you looking for advice or an outlet to get out some of your thoughts and frustrations?

I won't sit here and try to tell you what to do... because I think deep down you already have a plan, probably many plans, on what to do in your situation. I don't think any of them will be easy decisions, or simple decisions. In the end you have to do what's best for you, what's best for your children. Something like this may take a very long time to heal from, but the good news is.. time heals all. It sounds like you have a lot of friends and family around who would be able to help and support you with no matter what choice you make.

He definitely messed up, on a monumental level. That's on him. You didn't do that or make those decisions for him. Who knows where his head is at and what he's really thinking... maybe he doesn't even know himself. I'm sure he keeps coming back because of the comfort, familiarity, and likely still loving you. The things he did though, the secret affair, secret baby, that's something that I don't personally think a relationship can come back from; at least no time in the near future.

I haven't been through what you're going through now, but I have been hurt in the past. My best advice is to channel that hurt, all those feelings, into something productive. Take it as a chance to throw your energy into making healthy decisions. For me, it was working out. I started going to a nearby park and running everyday after work. It was ROUGH at first, but I kept pushing and used it as an outlet to exhaust myself and build something productive. Maybe you can take the time to learn a new skill, visit with friends and family you don't normally see too often. It could be anything that makes you happy and takes your mind off things for a bit. I'm sure it does to some degree, but try not to let things consume your thoughts 24/7, it will spiral and you deserve better than that.

Another perspective - you say 2023 has been the worst year of your life. Who is to say that changes come in the second half of the year and 2024 turns into the best year of your life!

[Unown]

I don't really know what you're going through but I think you're very brave to share your story here.

I think that since you're aware of what you're going through, you probably know what are the logical steps to take from now on. But alas, the problem with love is that it doesn't allow us to take logical steps.

But I do hope that you'll make the right decisions to possibly cut this man from your life and look to having a more stable life with your sons. You deserve so much more than that guy screwing up your life and playing with your heart.

Keep going!! There's still a lot left to 2023.