Also I totally agree that it feels like it's on a different level than dyke, fag, etc, which are still pretty crass. I was going to say I feel like those should be said only by people they apply to, but I honestly don't even mind other close friends using them as long as it's with love - like I'm sure more than once I've had conversations with my (straight) former roommate that go:
me: [something gay, like "woah look at this picture of Kristen Stewart"]
her: "dyyyke!" (affectionate)
me: ".....ok fair"
...but yeah that's very much a personal call, and I know everyone has different comfort levels around them. Interestingly in my own experience - which should come with a grain of salt because I've never lived in particularly conservative places - I've almost never heard those really slurry ones used by homophobes as attacks. It's always the technical ones, like homosexual or lesbian, said in a way that makes it feel like it's a different species or a contagious disease. I heard dyke (negative) ONCE and distinctly remember it because of how surprised I was.
Also it's cool that "comfortable" is a recurring theme about the word queer! I feel the same - even as someone with simple/easy words for my specific gender and orientation, queer still feels right too & that feels very unifying with all my other queer friends
I'm interested in what name for an event or club you'd have preferred - would LGBT be better, even if you don't identify with lesbian, gay, bi, or trans? I definitely get the aversion to specific labels, but conversely I feel like that's largely the purpose of "queer" - an umbrella to use and just not get into it.
Last edited by Druid; 1 Week Ago at 05:05 PM. Reason: grammar again I'm a monster
So yeah in general just having conversations about the topic in my language can get pretty hard. As far as slurs go, I think "homo" for example went through the same thing and got taken back. There are still other slurs ofc that haven't, but none of them are parallel to the term "queer".
I used to really dislike the use of the word but now my stance is that I dont really care just if someone asks not to be called queer dont call them queer
Druid(5 Days Ago)