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Thread: Job/Lifestyle Dilemma

  1. #11
    overthink.exe
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    Glad I could be of some help and everybody else has a lot of good insight, too. Wishing you luck with the decision making process and with wherever you end up in the end!



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  3. #12
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    This is a tough situation! I definitely sympathize with having all the material options you could need with Choice A, but being miserable on a day-to-day, versus the slightly less material options of Choice B, but being in a place you love.

    I would choose Choice A. Not just because of the money, but because it offers you chances to travel abroad. It's possible you could visit more places and have more experiences, seeking out even more options of lifestyles/places you may like (all on the company dime!). You'd also be gathering more experience and tenure while you're still there, which means in the future, you could possibly still move to the location of Choice B, but in a higher level position (which would be a higher salary). That way, you could get the best of both worlds - it may just be a few years down the line.

    At the beginning of Covid, I moved back to my home state (though not living with my parents), where I had zero friends and my company culture was radically different, and not in a good way. I have zero work friends now, and do not associate with them outside of work - which is vastly different than my previous job. I'm getting paid... well, double what I was being paid. However, I'm pissing it all away in rent due to the higher cost of living.

    Would I have done the same, given the choice again? Yeah. Money is nothing to sneeze at. My insurance is worse now, but I'm almost fully remote, which wouldn't have been an option with my other job.

    These kinds of decisions are really difficult and are definitely as life-changing as they seem. They're hard, but you know yourself well enough to know what is important to you. We on the internet can only tell you so much!

    Good luck!

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    Unown (04-19-2022)

  5. #13
    SpaceyGirl's Avatar
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    Did you end up making a decision? I'm curious!

    I have two friends, all three of us worked at the same company, who were almost in the same boat as you. Our company gives great benefits and I knew they were getting paid really well, as well as unlimited PTO that is actually usable.

    First friend, mid 30s, was living with his parents and sister but dreamed of moving to London. Went there for a vacation once and absolutely fell in love with the city and made plans to move there. Years later, he eventually landed a job but it was a huge paycut. He decided to take it with the thought that he'd only stay there for 2 years and then come back. 5 years later and he's still there! He's in a serious relationship, got a cat, made so many new friends, I'm not sure if he'll ever move back. I send him letters and he messages me haha. He says he often video calls his parents back here. He doesn't have that much money saved and he did make a comment once about how he probably would've been able to buy a house if he stayed at the previous job, but he doesn't regret the move. He loves London, he's happy, no regrets. "I am really happy here, fits my style of living better. I do wish things are less expensive here though" - I quote him. xD

    My second friend just moved to Sweden two months ago! He's also in his mid-late 30s and thought it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to move to a new country before he had any real commitments besides his cat. He's currently learning Swedish, didn't know a lick of it until he got the job offer. He said luckily, everyone speaks English, but he feels like he's picking up the language pretty quickly, being surrounded by it. It's only been two months, the shipping company he used still has all his stuff in a shipping crate somewhere and said it won't be with him until June/July, he's having trouble sleeping, he got really sick his first month, he was super anxious about getting his "personnummer" (like a SSN?), but he is also extremely happy. Also no regrets.


    That said, I think most of my friends, and myself included, would not move to a different country if we were in your shoes. Money is a huge factor. A lot of my friends live with their parents and I know it would hurt them if they couldn't be around to help, even though video calls were an option. My current roommate's fiancée doesn't even want to live an hour away from her aging parents!

    I (early 30s) personally wouldn't move because money is very important to me, I want to save as much as possible just in case, and moving to a new country sounds terrifying. I like to play it safe, low risk, low reward. I would probably die of anxiety if I didn't know anyone to teach me things. The internet can only go so far... Do I need to learn a new language? Do I want to learn a whole new culture and set of rules? Am I able to ask for help? Are the streets signs and traffic rules very different? Am I going to lie awake at night thinking of all the stupid, awkward things I did because I did not pick up on social cues from the people around me because I didn't understand something? I also have a bunch of friends here and they are my rock, my support system, and I absolutely cannot stand being alone and also am not social enough to go out to a bar or something and make new friends.
    Basically, I wouldn't make it because I am my own worst enemy. I am also very content in my seemingly mundane lifestyle though. I WOULD, however, look to move if I was unhappy with the lifestyle. Mental health is extremely important. Money is very important to me, but I would take a paycut if I knew I would be happier mentally. When we're on our deathbeds, are we going to be glad we were miserable but rich or are we going to be happy we're still renting but well fed and lived an amazing life doing the things we loved?


    I hope you picked the option that would make you happiest! Life's a game of balance and it can the tricky to get it just right, but sometimes, there's no wrong answers.

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    Shawn (05-09-2022)

  7. #14
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    I would say it depends on what you really want! If you have lived in Country A for your whole life and really don't have many commitments or need to fully support anyone, it looks like you would probably want to experience a change and that B is a good idea! If country B is a temporary thing, I would recommend to try it out since I think it will definitely be a good experience.

    For me, in my situation I prefer to choose for stability at this stage as I have already experienced a nice amount of fun and due to my current goals commitments.

    So all in all, if you have lived in the same place for a long time and feel like a change and/or haven't experienced enough, I would choose B.

    I would definitely do what you want before you have any more commitments because it will seriously be even harder to decide...very!!
    Last edited by jellybelly; 05-09-2022 at 03:07 AM.

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    Unown (05-09-2022)

  9. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by SpaceyGirl View Post
    Did you end up making a decision? I'm curious!

    I have two friends, all three of us worked at the same company, who were almost in the same boat as you. Our company gives great benefits and I knew they were getting paid really well, as well as unlimited PTO that is actually usable.

    First friend, mid 30s, was living with his parents and sister but dreamed of moving to London. Went there for a vacation once and absolutely fell in love with the city and made plans to move there. Years later, he eventually landed a job but it was a huge paycut. He decided to take it with the thought that he'd only stay there for 2 years and then come back. 5 years later and he's still there! He's in a serious relationship, got a cat, made so many new friends, I'm not sure if he'll ever move back. I send him letters and he messages me haha. He says he often video calls his parents back here. He doesn't have that much money saved and he did make a comment once about how he probably would've been able to buy a house if he stayed at the previous job, but he doesn't regret the move. He loves London, he's happy, no regrets. "I am really happy here, fits my style of living better. I do wish things are less expensive here though" - I quote him. xD

    My second friend just moved to Sweden two months ago! He's also in his mid-late 30s and thought it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to move to a new country before he had any real commitments besides his cat. He's currently learning Swedish, didn't know a lick of it until he got the job offer. He said luckily, everyone speaks English, but he feels like he's picking up the language pretty quickly, being surrounded by it. It's only been two months, the shipping company he used still has all his stuff in a shipping crate somewhere and said it won't be with him until June/July, he's having trouble sleeping, he got really sick his first month, he was super anxious about getting his "personnummer" (like a SSN?), but he is also extremely happy. Also no regrets.


    That said, I think most of my friends, and myself included, would not move to a different country if we were in your shoes. Money is a huge factor. A lot of my friends live with their parents and I know it would hurt them if they couldn't be around to help, even though video calls were an option. My current roommate's fiancée doesn't even want to live an hour away from her aging parents!

    I (early 30s) personally wouldn't move because money is very important to me, I want to save as much as possible just in case, and moving to a new country sounds terrifying. I like to play it safe, low risk, low reward. I would probably die of anxiety if I didn't know anyone to teach me things. The internet can only go so far... Do I need to learn a new language? Do I want to learn a whole new culture and set of rules? Am I able to ask for help? Are the streets signs and traffic rules very different? Am I going to lie awake at night thinking of all the stupid, awkward things I did because I did not pick up on social cues from the people around me because I didn't understand something? I also have a bunch of friends here and they are my rock, my support system, and I absolutely cannot stand being alone and also am not social enough to go out to a bar or something and make new friends.
    Basically, I wouldn't make it because I am my own worst enemy. I am also very content in my seemingly mundane lifestyle though. I WOULD, however, look to move if I was unhappy with the lifestyle. Mental health is extremely important. Money is very important to me, but I would take a paycut if I knew I would be happier mentally. When we're on our deathbeds, are we going to be glad we were miserable but rich or are we going to be happy we're still renting but well fed and lived an amazing life doing the things we loved?


    I hope you picked the option that would make you happiest! Life's a game of balance and it can the tricky to get it just right, but sometimes, there's no wrong answers.
    I really liked the fact that you shared some stories about your friends. I really hope that I will be able to look back to this day and be proud of the decision that I've made. We can't always have it all in life, and I hope that I will not regret what I'm giving up to search for what I want.

    Indeed it is true that mental health is more important above all else, even money.

    I picked option B in the end and I will be moving in July!! I'm really excited and even though I'm forgoing the money and proximity with my parents, we've made plans to meet in a nearby country for a holiday towards the end of the year so I'm looking forward to that!

    Thank you to everyone who gave your opinions and best wishes! I'm glad to have a community who would share their life experiences - and ones that go in to so much detail.

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    kittyray (05-09-2022)

  11. #16

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    Quote Originally Posted by Unown View Post
    I really liked the fact that you shared some stories about your friends. I really hope that I will be able to look back to this day and be proud of the decision that I've made. We can't always have it all in life, and I hope that I will not regret what I'm giving up to search for what I want.

    Indeed it is true that mental health is more important above all else, even money.

    I picked option B in the end and I will be moving in July!! I'm really excited and even though I'm forgoing the money and proximity with my parents, we've made plans to meet in a nearby country for a holiday towards the end of the year so I'm looking forward to that!

    Thank you to everyone who gave your opinions and best wishes! I'm glad to have a community who would share their life experiences - and ones that go in to so much detail.
    Congratulations on the new role, really excited for you, regarding something you seem to be really looking forward to!
    I'm glad you came to a decision you love

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    Unown (05-09-2022)

  13. #17
    SpaceyGirl's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Unown View Post
    I picked option B in the end and I will be moving in July!! I'm really excited and even though I'm forgoing the money and proximity with my parents, we've made plans to meet in a nearby country for a holiday towards the end of the year so I'm looking forward to that!

    Thank you to everyone who gave your opinions and best wishes! I'm glad to have a community who would share their life experiences - and ones that go in to so much detail.
    Congratulations on the decision!! I'm happy for you and honestly don't think you'd regret the decision. Even if it doesn't work out, you won't be thinking "What if". I'm glad you're able to take life by the horns and jump right in!

    Let us know how you're doing like a month or two or three in!! Me and my too-afraid-to-take-major-risks self love hearing about other people's adventures

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  15. #18
    H3nry's Avatar
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    Well done, I was reading the thread hoping you went with B lol.
    I don't doubt that if you need to, you will come across option A again - but B is rare. You can always reset if you need to but spending that time wondering what if would kill me. In a years time your life could be completely changed forever! There was no mystery with A

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  17. #19

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    Lately, I've been really stressed out because of the amount of work and lack of time to even eat.
    But on the other hand, I feel like my stress tolerance is growing very fast and I started to do a lot more work than before.
    I don't know if this is good or bad.
    I realized that I had to do something to stop being so stressed out or I would get old before my time.
    And I also started using CBD supplement to my diet to calm my nervous system down a bit.
    Last edited by Bat; 05-18-2022 at 10:17 AM. Reason: Removed off-site link.

  18. #20
    DrillyGang's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by FrederickRusso View Post
    Lately, I've been really stressed out because of the amount of work and lack of time to even eat.
    But on the other hand, I feel like my stress tolerance is growing very fast and I started to do a lot more work than before.
    I don't know if this is good or bad.
    It's always gr8 to have your tolerance for stress or any other negaitve emotion grow, as it allows you to handle more bullshit, without it taking a real toll on you. But for me, I can't even handle a regular job, my mental state is really shot out lately, which sucks, i'm too worried i'd have a whole mental breakdown within my first week of working a job, especially if it's with people I don't know. u__U
    (⊃•́•̀)⊃⭑・゚゚・*:༅。.。༅:*゚:*:✼
    i'm literally dead inside


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