people who moved to new cities where you don't know anybody during the pandemic, how did you do it?

[kittyray]

I relocated for a new job and then they delayed the return-to-office, but I'd already signed my lease, so I'm here and kind of lost.

Last time I moved to a new city it was for education/networking opportunities so almost the entirety social energy was spent on professional settings. Also I had friends/family who already lived there for the times I wasn't doing that. Before that it was either cities I'd spent a lot of time in and knew well, or I was moving with people. Now I'm not doing any of those things.

I had this weird cognitive dissonance where every time I thought about moving to the new city I forgot the pandemic was going on so I'd think about how I'd join a gym again or attend art workshops or find meetups, before remembering I'm still not totally comfortable with groups/crowds if these things are even going on. I tried my best to remind myself, but I'm still here and feeling surprised things aren't going like I imagined.

I just deleted a bunch of stuff about how much I suck at meeting people/making friends because I don't want this turning into Real Life Situations material. Just seriously want to know how y'all have handled it if you've done this, especially if you also live alone.


ANYWAY, TELL ME YOUR SECRETS, WHAT DO?

[Flordibel]

I'm not sure if I count, but I moved to a new city (well, old city, but all my friends had gone away) 3 months before the pandemic started. New coworkers! New boss! Scary stuff! I'm an introvert, so I hadn't formed any particularly close relationships before we all had to isolate.

For a couple weeks, a coworker and I would text each other funny cat videos. My boss instituted "virtual happy hours" where we kept our cameras on and had a cocktail (or mocktail) of our choice. And I joined a gym that I made sure had good safety protocols for cleanliness and was okay if I wore a mask during the workout. That's not... SUPER social, but the gym is kind of a fun social activity for me. Like at least there's people, right?

I also dove into my online friendships! I started writing with a good friend who became my BEST friend (dare I say it) (I feel like it's a jinx lol), and got into a lot more new fandoms and media.

I injured my shoulder, so I started going to a sports massage place, and that brought some new people into the "social" fold. But overall, it's very hard to socialize! I still feel very lonely when it comes to doing activities. I can always do them alone, but sometimes you just want a buddy!

So I'd say, if it's in the cards for you, a gym might be a good bet. You could try to find one that allows small groups or personal 1:1 training to minimize risk of exposure, and wear a mask while you work out. For me, that's my most social time! And I wish you luck - it's hard out there!

[valora]

I moved to another country just as the pandemic was "starting" (the only rules in place were social distancing/quarantine/masks etc) so I know how you feel and it is really hard - but that's completely normal! Don't feel like you need to be comfortable with everything asap, take your time getting to know the area, the people, etc. One of the mistakes I made (and still make) was feeling guilty for not going out and exploring/meeting people, even though there's a pandemic going on, I still felt like I had some weird responsibility to love everything straight away. But that doesn't happen since you're always going to miss "home" - also completely normal - and it can take years to feel completely comfortable somewhere else. The most important thing for me was keeping in touch with everyone that I could. Having a support network even if it's far away is really invaluable, I talk to family/friends as often as I can & hang out a lot with online friends.

You might be able to find online groups for people who are also new to the same city, or just general ones with cool places to visit, hidden treasures in the city, etc etc. If you're not comfortable being around groups/crowds of people you could find activity groups or clubs that you want to join in the future (for me it's reassuring to have a plan to socialise even if I don't want to do it immediately lol) or something like cooking classes/any other hobby, there are usually less people to allow for social distancing so it wouldn't be as overwhelming.

After a year I still miss home, still don't know that many people in the area, and still get lost at least once a week. But I always remind myself there's no "deadline" for any of it. Nothing is going to happen if I don't love where I live after 2 years or 3 years or longer, it's going to take time (even more so with the pandemic), and the best thing to do is to go at your own pace. Forcing yourself to go out or to be in social situations is just going to make you resent the city if anything. I hope my rambling advice makes sense & if you ever want to talk to someone in the same-ish situation feel free to shoot me a message ♥

[Da Plushee Boree]

I've always been a "background friend" and I moved about 10 years ago and still struggle. I remember clearly that when i moved i hated my new place, people wasn't what i expected them to be and social customs were completely different and i couldn't (and still don't) like them all.
I kept going with my life and it wasn't until after 3 or 4 years that i started to notice the changes. Being in pandemia is completely different and it may take long, so my best advice is to go at your own pace.

When i arrived here it was lonely but with time i could befriend a couple waiters from a restaurant i picked to go, and the salesgirls of the local bookstore, now i'm living with a partner and have a small group of friends; take your time, don't force yourself to like everything/everyone or it will be harder to be sincere about it.
Social activities will be back slowly, you can take those times to make your advances whenever you feel secure and safe.
Also, you can find a lot of online social groups about everything near where you are and can use them to meet people with your same hobbies or things in common, including if their new to the place too.

Wish you all the luck and success in your new place! ♥ And if you're struggling.. We're all here too !

[Gato]

Hey! I moved to a new country for a job right at the start of the pandemic, and my experience was/is very similar to Flordibel's :]
I've been moving around my whole life; thus, my circle of true friends is pretty much non-existent. On top of that I'm an introvert with a super limited social battery, so it's been kind of tough in isolation and I'm still figuring my way around.

My colleagues are pretty nice, in my team at least, and we also had virtual happy hours and other company events, like exercising together and even having dinners over cam. That's not really friendship but through my colleagues' recommendations I've met some interesting people, even if it's something as mundane as where to get pet food - interacting with locals on a regular basis was, at times, all the social interaction I'd have in weeks... if not months.

Definitely invested more time into online friendships; we would gather to play Jukebox party packs, Among Us, LoL, and other games on a regular basis. The biggest game-changing event for us all was playing DnD! All nine of us were of the mindset that DnD is too nerdy even for us nerds, but decided to give it a shot because why not. EVERYONE is a die-hard DnD fan now, playing twice a week; we even managed to draw in new people and make more friends. Our friendships are much stronger (except that one guy heh) and two of these friends are coming over to hang out with us for a month - it's great! Others have already met (they live closer to one another), and we're all planning a mass trip if/when the 'rona fucks off.

I definitely back the personal trainer recommendation! In my area there are gyms that do 1:1, trainers that make home visits, yoga instructors doing online classes, and plenty of other semi-social activities. I also highly recommend exploring! I've lived alone in many strange and unfamiliar places, and exploring the cities/suburbs on foot was incredible. You start seeing beauty in just about everything, and you'll naturally meet people along the way. Look for local fb/reddit/discord groups as well (like expat groups) - they are fulllll of people that feel the same way, who organize meetups and events every once in a while. Even during the worst of the pandemic, I've seen socially distanced art lessons, diving, lunches, etc.

Best wishes to you in the new city! I'm sure that the best of things will come your way and fall into place soon :]

[kittyray]

Hey all, I really appreciate your advice and it's really comforting to know other people have made it through this situation. I can't believe some of you are in new countries while I'm here worried about a new state!

Definitely will consider all your suggestions. I really do wanna join a gym and start personal training again, but I am still very wary due to covid. I posted in a couple city/region-specific channels on some slacks I'm in and we might be planning a meetup. I didn't think about trying to find discords, but I'll look into it.


I'll try to come back and write more direct replies, but for now I just really want to say thank you.

[kittyray]

Just wanted to give a quick update. Things have been kind of rough, been feeling super lonely and depression/anxiety is a beast lately, but I was able to push myself a bit to reach out some. It was actually partially the treats thread and my undying yearning for cider donuts and asking around for recommendations, I unintentionally planned a meetup to go to an orchard with some people in a slack community I'm part of.

Also made plans to grab coffee with somebody and to walk through a park with somebody else.

Haven't found a gym yet, but I don't know if I can justify the cost of membership when my building has one and I'm so wary anyway, but I still would love-love-love finding a trainer to have 1x1 sessions with, so I'm still considering it.

From what I can tell the types of events/meetups to find a greater community still are still mostly remote, but it's still a way to meet locals, so gonna try to find some, anyway.

[ucohuc]

Oh, wow. Two other people moved countries during the pandemic. So did I. From Australia to the USA. I did move for my fiancé but I have no friends here and none of my family. It was super lonely. I couldn't drive or work until recently and I do now which has helped A LOT.

[♥ bottledwater ♥]

Hey! I just want to send positive vibes your way and say it's very courageous for you to be doing this!! It takes time to build up a network great to see that you've got a lot planned!