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Thread: Super Straight?

  1. #21
    Erik.'s Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by LibraryFaerie View Post
    The equity vs equality argument is good. I pulled a few quotes from an article that better articulate it from that viewpoint

    “Straight Pride” movement trivializes the trials and tribulations that the LGBTQ community is up against. Straight people are quite literally never the target of violence for wanting to love who they love or for trying to live a truer version of their lives... Pride Month is more than just rainbow floats and Drag Queens lip-syncing for their lives. It’s an opportunity to do what those at Stonewall couldn’t do: be themselves without shame or fear of retaliation.

    Straight Pride is an opportunity for what? Celebrate the fact that straight people never have to worry about prejudice being brought against them for being straight?


    And @(you need an account to see links) to your point - I don't want to discredit your feelings, but I don't think it's necessarily forcing anyone on you? Even without trans men in the mix, I imagine you'd still be swiping no on people for reasons other than their body parts. I think if an app wants to open itself up to letting people choose "no brown eyes, no one under 5'8, no one over 130lbs, etc." and then they also threw in "no trans men" as an option, it'd be less yucky?

    And as @DaPlusheeBoree pointed out, terms like "cishet" have never felt as yucky as the term "super straight" though they both have similar meanings.. there's definitely a lot to be said on the intent behind a term.

    At the end of the day I am a cis white woman speaking from a place of privilege, so don't take my word as gospel (i also have mega covid brain and have a hard time making complete thoughts). It's just things I've learned in conversation with people from marginalized communities.
    I think I maybe worded that wrong. It's not that I feel forced to get trans matches, it's more like I mean why does the app work like that when trans people are just going to get rejected. Wouldn't they prefer that their profiles are only shown to people who are interested in them? Personally I wouldn't want my profile to be shown to women for example, or hetero men is a better example I suppose. They're not into me and I'm not into them, what's the point of them seeing my pics and personal info?


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  2. #22

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    My personal physical attraction makes me "Super Gay" by definition, but I don't think that I would ever go announcing that as who I am.

    I like to think that sexuality and preferences don't specifically define a person. There's a lot more to everyone than people really know. (Like what their favourite Neopet is...)

    I have a strong physical attraction to masculinity, including the physical parts that come with it; I don't know where that comes from. I don't know if it's implicit bias. I don't know if it's science or chemicals. I have no idea if it's a result of my upbringing.

    Defining something like "Super Straight" and choosing to identify as such seems super malicious in its intent.
    It's a weird line because while trans people should have every right to identify and be who they want to be, straight people should also have the same right.

    I've recently come to terms with the fact that human-kind in general constantly needs a definition for things. Our brains make it impossible for things to just exist.

    In the end, it's sad people need to be outright assholes. There's no co-existing for some people
    (I'm saying assholes in any sense. Malicious in any intent toward any sexuality or identity.)

    Be who you are.
    Live your life.
    JUST ALWAYS REMEMBER:
    Last edited by motherfucker; 03-16-2021 at 03:41 PM. Reason: Too many hot-topic tangents for a Tuesday.

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  4. #23
    LibraryFaerie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Erik. View Post
    I think I maybe worded that wrong. It's not that I feel forced to get trans matches, it's more like I mean why does the app work like that when trans people are just going to get rejected. Wouldn't they prefer that their profiles are only shown to people who are interested in them? Personally I wouldn't want my profile to be shown to women for example, or hetero men is a better example I suppose. They're not into me and I'm not into them, what's the point of them seeing my pics and personal info?
    Ok, that’s a fair point. I hadn’t thought about rejection and/or how that might affect their likelihood of successful matches..


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  6. #24

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    Now that the conversation has steered this way, I have a genuine question with no malice intended.

    Which comes off as more offensive, or transphobic? Is it really that way? Or is it just how non-trans people interpret it sometimes?


    Are both of these considered transphobic?

    (For additional context, I'm super happy that Grindr and Tinder have become more inclusive of the trans community because at the end of the day, everyone deserves love.)
    Last edited by motherfucker; 03-16-2021 at 03:29 PM.

  7. #25
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    Quote Originally Posted by motherfucker View Post
    Now that the conversation has steered this way, I have a genuine question with no malice intended.

    Which comes off as more offensive, or transphobic? Is it really that way? Or is it just how non-trans people interpret it sometimes?


    Are both of these considered transphobic?

    (For additional context, I'm super happy that Grindr and Tinder have become more inclusive of the trans community because at the end of the day, everyone deserves love.)
    I feel like the first is already harsh-ish, but the second is so much more personal and confrontational... I've had it happen once when I was dating and I'm ashamed to admit I cut off contact with a nonsense reason, instead of telling the truth.


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    Quote Originally Posted by Erik. View Post
    I feel like the first is already harsh-ish, but the second is so much more personal and confrontational... I've had it happen once when I was dating and I'm ashamed to admit I cut off contact with a nonsense reason, instead of telling the truth.
    There's a third option then.
    Is ignoring a better option, or worse?

  9. #27
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    Quote Originally Posted by motherfucker View Post
    There's a third option then.
    Is ignoring a better option, or worse?
    I think that's worse. I imagine suspecting someone is ignoring you because you're trans is much shittier than a polite decline.


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  10. #28
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    Quote Originally Posted by motherfucker View Post
    Now that the conversation has steered this way, I have a genuine question with no malice intended.

    Which comes off as more offensive, or transphobic? Is it really that way? Or is it just how non-trans people interpret it sometimes?


    Are both of these considered transphobic?

    (For additional context, I'm super happy that Grindr and Tinder have become more inclusive of the trans community because at the end of the day, everyone deserves love.)
    It's super reasonable in my opinion to not provide a reason beyond "I'm not feeling it right now". People might call it a lie by omission but I think that is miles better than telling them you are not a fan of something they have no control over.

    Ghosting is certainly not a nice thing to do though.

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  12. #29
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    Quote Originally Posted by motherfucker View Post
    Now that the conversation has steered this way, I have a genuine question with no malice intended.

    Which comes off as more offensive, or transphobic? Is it really that way? Or is it just how non-trans people interpret it sometimes?


    Are both of these considered transphobic?

    (For additional context, I'm super happy that Grindr and Tinder have become more inclusive of the trans community because at the end of the day, everyone deserves love.)

    Honestly i think none of them are phobic if there's not inted to hurt (imo).
    I can make a profile and put "no women", that doesn't make me les-phobic; or can be as Summer and put "no love interest" and that doesn't make me love-phobic. It's a direct information that may be hurtful in a personal way if the trans looking at it somehow takes it personal (the only way i can think about it is beign overly dramatic or know that person from before/beign interested in said person).

    I think it's more harmful after a couple dates, because 'everything is fine until i showed them my true colors' feeling. Wich some of us feel when sharing anime openings in a party.

    I feel the difference resides in that, the first information matters and with someone with 'no-trans' on their profile prob trans people wouldn't be interested in friendship or even meeting them. The second one, is actually beign rejected by someone that gave you hopes just because of what you are, and that hurts, if you're strong enough you can be friends, but it does indeed hurt.

    And even if i'm late-to-never reply, consciously ignoring someone is never right.....



    -----------------------------------------------
    To add a little to @(you need an account to see links) 's reply, i have rejected* with "I can't respond to your feelings the way you expect me to", and i have been able to keep lovely and long friendship with some people C:!

    Obviously everyone reacts differently and have also lost precious friends this way... But i keep that dearly place for them. It's an honest-personal way to indicate you're not interested in romance.
    Last edited by Da Plushee Boree; 03-17-2021 at 09:18 AM.



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  14. #30
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    Quote Originally Posted by motherfucker View Post
    Now that the conversation has steered this way, I have a genuine question with no malice intended.

    Which comes off as more offensive, or transphobic? Is it really that way? Or is it just how non-trans people interpret it sometimes?


    Are both of these considered transphobic?

    (For additional context, I'm super happy that Grindr and Tinder have become more inclusive of the trans community because at the end of the day, everyone deserves love.)
    Responding to this specifically, I would hope that dating apps start making this an option so people just get filtered out for you. Like "I am a cis male looking for cis males" when you create your account. Or "I am a cis man interested in trans and cis men." Does that make sense?

    I would say that both of these feel personally iffy to me, and I would prefer you write "interested in cis men only" over "no trans men" on a profile. But that's just me. Essentially it's saying the same thing, but it feels less hurtful IMO.

    Also I don't think there's anything inherently wrong with having a preference. Some may be offended by it, but it's something you can't really explain, it just is. It's how you respond to others that makes the difference though!
    Also ignoring after finding out someone is trans is definitely a nope. A polite rejection beats ignoring.

    (I'm generally genderconfused & still questioning my identity by the way, if that helps give context to my reply )

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