confessionals time

[Danny]

Wow Victoria o.o that really does seem bad. Why don't you go get help if you say you need it so bad?

I'm sorry for you too Cara, but I had to laugh at "cereal" killer. XD When I was young I thought it meant people destroying cereal boxes haha.

Just pointed that out to her on msn and laughed at her for it aswell. xD

[Victoria]

@(you need an account to see links)

I sometimes question if i'm going to be a cereal killer in the future due to what I think of on a regular basis.

rofl, i was actually thinking about posting that, but i didn't wanna freak anyone out.
i honestly sometimes think about going on a killing spree, i go so much into details, how i would do it,
when, where, would i kill them slowly, make it quick, should i skin him alive, maybe inject him with a paralyzer so i dont have to hear his agonizing screams,
or maybe i should let him scream, im not sure if id like that or not. I dont know why i think these things, i really dont.

[Cara]

@(you need an account to see links)
SHUSH D: They know what I meant *feels dumb*

@(you need an account to see links)
I know exactly who i'd want to kill, a specific order of who I hate the most.
I have no idea where these thoughts come from, and sometimes they REALLY freak me out,
but they never go away so i'm starting to just go with it.
Sigh.

[IndigoSunset]

I've been depressed for the past 4 and a half years and tried to kill myself twice. Stopped once by a weak belt and the second time by a friend coming to visit. That was a little awkward.

Also whilst we're on confessions, I laughed at what I just wrote. I have a weird sense of humour. I also regularly question sanity etc and end up in a weird paradox. I think I might be biploar but I'm too scared to actually make an appointment at the doctor's to see. Ah well.

[tcas4200]

Wow seems people have gone through some serious stuff. For all the depressos out there, I had my own bouts but more of a genetic background of anxiety/panic disorder. A trip to the doctor eventually got a prescription of the generic Zoloft for $5 a month. Best investment ever. All I can say is that it doesn't make you feel happy but you'll definitely feel not the same or think the same anymore "like normal". Does take at least a month to kick in though so it's really hard to notice if you're looking for sudden results. Never done drugs myself so I can't comment on that. I can say though that for coping strategies that this cheap medication is probably much cheaper than any drugs out there that you pay for. I highly recommend seeing a doctor if you're in this situation.

[IndigoSunset]

Wow seems people have gone through some serious stuff. For all the depressos out there, I had my own bouts but more of a genetic background of anxiety/panic disorder. A trip to the doctor eventually got a prescription of the generic Zoloft for $5 a month. Best investment ever. All I can say is that it doesn't make you feel happy but you'll definitely feel not the same or think the same anymore "like normal". Never done drugs myself so I can't comment on that. I can say though that for coping strategies that this cheap medication is probably much cheaper than any drugs out there that you pay for. I highly recommend seeing a doctor if you're in this situation.

Eh, I've tried a variety of Meds before. They either didn't do anything for me or didn't do anything for me and gave me awkward side-effects :s
Glad they helped you though

[tcas4200]

Eh, I've tried a variety of Meds before. They either didn't do anything for me or didn't do anything for me and gave me awkward side-effects :s
Glad they helped you though

Might be based on different circumstances. For me it was definitely biological so that could possibly explain why it was successful for me. If you think your problems are your environment (work, friends, bad relationships, etc) I'd highly recommend just starting anew and getting the hell outta dodge. I remember reading a paper a while back that tracked drifters which found that those with serious intentions of starting their lives again even if they didn't know where to go (other than to just go) were successful in getting their life on track.

[Emiley]

Wow Victoria o.o that really does seem bad. Why don't you go get help if you say you need it so bad?

I'm sorry for you too Cara, but I had to laugh at "cereal" killer. XD When I was young I thought it meant people destroying cereal boxes haha.

OMG you just cracked me up, I thought the same exact thing when I was younger.

[Azn]

My Calculus teacher in High School asked me to give him a blowjob in order to change my grade from a B to an A.
This is like a 30 year old guy who supposedly was "straight."

The sad part is I actually considered it... (Okay not that weird, I'm gay and I know some of you straight guys have MILF fantasies. He wasn't that bad looking)

Anyways, he asked someone else, that person (he) actually did it and both got caught :/ Story broke out on local news...
The guy who did it was a Senior, 18 years old and it wasn't really rape so I don't know what happened. All I know is, he basically transferred or went into being home schooled.
The teacher got fired and dealt with charges... Not sure where he's at now, possibly in jail.

[Victoria]

I take Adderall right now to keep me happy and i have to counter some of the effects with marijuana. Like Adderall will give you a sudden increase of heart beat so i smoke to make me mellow out a little so i can calm down. I take it cause it gives a feeling of euphoria for a while and it keeps me busy and focused so i dont like wander off in thought and get depressed or angry. Unfortunately, it's got so many side effects XD Its prescribed amphetamine for ADHD, but the effects on how it work are different if you don't have it (which i don't).

I blame the way i was raised for my problems. My dad abused me psychologically every chance he got when i was younger and my mom is a dumb bitch that would pay more attention to her boyfriends than to really care about me. Like for example, my parents had split custody so i spent half the year with my mom and half the year with my dad, well when it was time for me to go to my moms, she said oh ya about that you need to keep her because im going to canada, to go see a fucking musician play. She's too poor to help with medical bills and taking care of me but she has money to be a groupie lol. She's called the cops on me i believe 9 times in 8 months because shes crazy, and the 9th time she called the cops it was because i didn't fold my clothing because i went to sleep in pain from gaping wide cavity she was too "poor" to fix and got in my face screaming at me at 6 in the morning while getting ready for school, she tried to come at me so i held my hand out to pushed her away from me by the forehead so she wouldnt attack me. Well what she had done was punched herself in the face, leaving a mark and told the cops that i had hit her and that she wanted to press charges against me, mind you i was 15.
An example of what my dad said to me when i was 8 til i was 12 was kept pushing me to go to court with him and tell the judge that i dont want to live with my mom and if i dont, well i might not ever see him again because he will leave me down here with her while he moves to a different state, just about every day he did this to me. He tells everyone that he never had to spank me while growing up, but he always failed to tell him how he would get in my face, forehead to forehead and sometimes hit me with his head because he was pissed and just yelling and pushing me. Sorry for this being long ^_^ just kinda venting.