I'm 19 and I broke down in tears sobbing at the end of Marley and Me in front of total strangers. No shame in tears in certain contexts for sure; firm believer in that
I don't really understand why it's considered okay and not weak for women to cry, yet when a 36 year old man breaks down in tears some people are just ashamed and think they are the weakest thing in the world. I personally have cried quite a bit in my life, I mean, I'm not a man yet (I'm only 21) but still, I'm a male and it's generally frowned upon for males to cry. I just don't get it.
Is it because crying is a sign of hurt and releasing your emotions, and men are supposed to be 'strong' and letting this hurt, and these emotions show is the opposite of being strong? Like I said I just don't get it. I think it should be just fine for a man to cry, whether 12, or 112, if anything, I think it is a sign of strength and being human - other animals cry but you don't see it as often as humans!
What do you think?
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I'm 19 and I broke down in tears sobbing at the end of Marley and Me in front of total strangers. No shame in tears in certain contexts for sure; firm believer in that
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While I understand the socio-cultural thinking behind the stigma of male crying, that does not mean it is right. Traditional gender expectations involve the notion of males as protectors, and to succumb to emotions could be seen as an inability to maintain enough control over yourself, let alone your situations, and thus translate to an inability to protect. In Australia, for instance, the word "stoic" is commonly attributed to respected men. It is part of the culture that you suck it up, don't have a 'sook' and do what needs doing. These views can be difficult to break.
Personally, I believe that it is a sign of emotional maturity and health for someone to be able to acknowledge and express their emotions. Crying is often very cathartic and can help anyone, male or female, move past the initial trauma. Failure to deal with the emotions in a timely fashion, bottling things up, tends to make things worse.
My husband cried when I told him that we were expecting our daughter. We'd both wanted the pregnancy so much. I think it would have been stranger for him not to have cried in that moment.
cibomatto (09-01-2017)
I don't see a problem with a guy crying!
I think watching a stranger desperately sobbing their heart out to you will make me go into compassionate mother figure mode regardless of whether the person is a guy or a girl, though. Maybe that's why it's considered "bad" for guys? Because you don't want your prospective mate to see you as her child straight off the bat? Idk lol
It's definitely different when I'm already dating a guy though, I go into compassionate significant other mode lol. Life gets rough sometimes and crying is a completely normal reaction to various stressors in life. Doesn't make you any less of a person.
I don't know if I made any sense.
Synth Salazzle (07-31-2017)
I think people ought to be allowed to feel whatever they feel, and express themselves/communicate those feelings to others when appropriate.
To be honest, I don't really think this subject is up for debate - at least not among semi-intelligent, respectable human beings. It's almost an offensive question to pose. I also disagree with your premises "it's considered okay and not weak for women" and "when a 36 year old man breaks down in tears they are ashamed and think it's the weakest thing in the world". By the time a person reaches adulthood, they are - regardless of gender - generally expected to behave in emotionally mature ways. This includes demonstrating an ability to self-regulate feelings/emotions; self-soothe (cope); identify/recognize feelings, and understand when it is appropriate to express them, how to express them, etc. I don't think women are cut as much slack as you think. We are expected to cry when experiencing extreme distress (because that's seen as natural), but that's it. We are still 'women' (adults) and unless we have a 'valid' reason to cry, it is seen as childish/immature/attention-seeking/manipulative/weak behavior - just as it is for men. Anyway, context is also crucial here... When a 36 year old man breaks down in tears, we assume he must have a valid reason for crying - since he has presumably acquired the emotional maturity to no longer cry over spilt milk. If one isn't apparent - then, well, he's judged in the same way a woman would be judged.
You identify as male and are legally an adult yet stated, "I personally have cried quite a bit in my life, I mean, I'm not a man yet".
See, I think YOU ARE A MAN and the issue you've brought up in this thread has less to do with the outdated belief that men don't cry (and women can), and reflects more broadly on society's ugly obsession with masculinity/femininity and ~*~ REAL MEN~*~ and *~*REAL WOMEN~*~
Both sexes (and everybody in between/outside that spectrum!) are affected by societal judgment.
Isabella (08-22-2017),Kitten (09-15-2017),Synth Salazzle (07-31-2017)
tl;dr of what I want to say.
Crying is human emotion. Emotion is not a gendered thing to express. It's human to feel, it's human to cry. It doesn't devalue your masculinity. No one wants to date/marry an emotionless/only angry rock.
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I honestly do not see an issue with men crying. As @(you need an account to see links) pretty much said emotions are not based on gender. We're all humans and emotions should never be seen as a sign of weakness.
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Synth Salazzle (07-31-2017)
i cry all the time bitch im crying right now if its wrong for men to cry then i dont wanna be right
70spurple (08-02-2017)