Originally Posted by
rachel
As a straight female, I really appreciate this thread. Some of my best friends from high school have transitioned, including one of my ex's, and I always hesitate that the things I ask/say are going to be offensive. I want them to know that I support them whole-heartedly, but I worry that bringing up the specific questions I have sometimes will make them uncomfortable.
So first: I have an ex; male at the time we dated, and has since transitioned. She has a name of choice, but I don't know how to pronounce it (since I haven't seen her in years, it's just online). Will it be offensive and/or what is the best way for me to ask what she prefers to be called now? I've always worried that "what do you want me to call you" belittles our history together or sounds passive aggressive, but I genuinely don't know the answer.
Second: One of my best friends from high school, born female and I knew as female throughout high school, has since transitioned. We have a lot of old pictures and memories together; how uncomfortable is it for trans individuals to revisit their "previous identities," for lack of a better term? Should I completely avoid certain stories, photos, etc., or is it still comfortable enough for trans individuals to re-live those pre-transition events? Is that something that I should ask him personally?
Last (for now that I can think of): Back to my ex. She recently visited my city and requested to get together for coffee or lunch or something. I told her, honestly, that I would have to ask my boyfriend because even though circumstances are different all these years later, we still have a history that might make my current boyfriend uncomfortable (not because she's transitioned, just because she's an ex nonetheless). We ended up not being able to make it work, and I worry that I offended her or that she thinks I was trying to find an excuse not to meet up with her. I want to reassure her that this wasn't the case but don't really know how to bring it up without making things awkward??
I feel like I'm overthinking it a lot and should probably just approach the conversations openly, the same way I would have with them prior to transition, but I know they deal with a lot of ignorance and don't want to be just another questioning voice - even if my questions are sincere.