Originally Posted by
Mod
Changes are in red. If words are deleted, I'll have made the words before and after them red too, for simplicity. Just compare what I've done to your original.
General notes:
1. Avoid using 'Indian', as it may be confused for citizens of India. You can still use it informally and in speech, but for written purposes to a class, it's best to be professional and clear (unless when 'Indian' is the name of something/place).
2. Avoid contractions (eg. "it's") in formal writing. Write out the full words instead (eg. "it is"). I didn't fix all of your contractions, it's your choice if you want to.
3. The tone of your presentation is too blunt in meaning. While the points you said are true, it sounds almost offensive to Native Americans, like a direct attack against them and their reserves. I would try to be as neutral as possible. Pretend you're a listener or Native American, how could you put it in a way that doesn't sound like you're taking a side or insulting them? Since this is for a class, it is especially important not to teach the wrong impression, on very impressional students at this level of study. They may end up hating or looking down at NAs in adulthood otherwise.