So, I realize I have to shit real bad. For the last week we've been using the porta-pottys outside but it was real bad and I knew I wouldnt make it. I ran to the bathroom and it had a sign on the door that said "Do not use until inspected". I was like **** it im going in. I looked around and it looked good to go. Yeah Im breaking this bitch in right. So I sit down and do my thing and reach for some toilet paper. Nope. Open the door, no paper towels. Yeah Im mad but I did it to myself. So I reach into my wallet and wipe my ass with my only $10. I sit up and its one of those automatic toilets that wont even turned on yet. So, I left it like that. I wonder what the inspector thought when is saw the poo money floating on top.
We were playing basketball in sixth grade. Kid named Tyler goes to dunk, slips, and lands in the splits. Doesn't show up to school for a couple weeks. Learn through Myspace he lost one of his testicles. Called him baller the day he got back. Name stuck throughout high school.
A few years back I was sound asleep when all of a sudden I am awakened by the unmistakable urge to shit. This is the first time in my life I have been woken up by such a feeling so I really wasn't sure what to expect. I jumped up and darted to my bathroom barley getting my shorts off before the rush of runny shit poured out of my ass. After a good 15 minutes of uncontrolled shitting I think that maybe I had shit out my spleen or maybe my liver. No such luck. I got all cleaned up and flushed the toilet. watched the water come into the bowl and ..... nothing go down! It was clogged. As the brown water rose and the panic set in I was somehow coherent enough to flip off the top of the toilet and shut the valve by hand just in time for the flood to stop about two inches below the top of the bowl.... WOW that was close.
I was afraid to insert the plunger due to the fact that the plunger may displace enough area to make the shit water rise over that two inches and over flow onto the carpet (Yes the bathroom had a carpeted floor. Gross I know) As I am trying to think of a way to go about this without flooding the carpet with shit water wave number two hits me like a ton of bricks..... OMG I think I have to shit and the toilet is already full. I look at the trash can and think of it as a viable option. Then I look at the sink and bathtub and run those ideas through my head..... Nope, nope and nope. Then It dawns on me I grab my bro's toilet training seat and set it on top of the toilet and fire in the hole!!!!
There was alot of splatter but the training seat gave me enough clearance to get that wave taken care of. I pull the seat back only to find that my 2 inches of clearance is now like half and inch. WOW that was close. so Now I know that I cannot insert the plunger because it will certainly overflow. So i do what any red blooded canadian would do. I got a cooking pot, some gloves, a trash bag and a cup and started to bail out the shit water into the pot that was in the trash bag.... I got it down to a level I could plunge and did so. It took me an hour long shower to wash off all of the dirty feelings and thoughts of shit particles that I had endured. And after that I never looked at the training seat the same again. I also ended up with a new spaghetti pot!
I got another short one.
Back when I was 12, I was sleeping REAL good one night. I was out. I probably had been sleeping around four hours when I woke up having to take a piss.
After a few seconds, of just laying there, I finally forced myself to get up and go to the bathroom. Took me a little while, but I finally got done and started walking back to my bed room. This is around the time that I woke up from my dream and changed clothes...Talk about a wet dream. Lol
Back when I was 9 years old everyone on my street played Yu-Gi-Oh. One day me and my neighbor Jake went to a store named "Shinders" to get a "booster pack". My friend decided to get a Japanese pack, opens it up in store and it was this card only holographic everywhere and it said "1 out of 3" on it. Guy at the counter offered him $250 cash right then and there for the card. Dumbass friend says no & leaves. 2 weeks later I learn he went to another one of our friend's houses and left it in the rain, and showed me the crinkled up remains. I was like you fucking idiot lol.
This one time I was at work and I get a picture message from my boyfriend at the time. It was a picture of his shit.