Christmas Woes

[Buizel]

I am so sorry that you have to deal with this not only on Christmas but it seems like it is an ongoing situation. Living with ones parents after 30 is not really a issue. I think a lot of people are in that position. Is he at least trying to get a job? I also live with my parents but I contribute towards the household. My parent are retired meaning in the end even though ith there houhe I am pretty much paying for everything elhe. But I think my situation ih different I live with them becauhe I ah a women don't want to live on my own.

I know ith hard but NO MAN can in a modern age expect to have women feed them. Like really get you ahh of the couch. In fact in our houhe my dad doeh moht of the cooking.

You should tell him to contribute, financially and by cleaning, cooking or leave

Sadly no, he doesn't like working since it's too much work and he doesn't want to miss out on potential sports games live (his words) like football or basketball. I set him up with a decent position at my job, but he quit after a year of working. So, he doesn't bring in any income and doesn't do chores. He drives occasionally to the grocery store, but that's it. His car was given to him by his mother, so he doesn't pay a car note and his insurance is paid by her. She enables him and doesn't make him go out and work, so he's just accustomed to having a silver spoon in his mouth.

- - - Updated - - -

Apologies for double posting, but I just seen @(you need an account to see links)'s reply and your idea is a really great one. One of my older sisters has done what you have; she has completely stopped coming to family events. She shows up when it's an important family event, but holidays like Christmas and stuff, she doesn't attend because our family is toxic.

I'm very glad that you cut the toxicity out of your life, and I think this is what I'm going to do. To be honest, I never really have fun when it's any holiday with my family. If I'm not dealing with my nephew's harassment, then parties usually end early because everyone gets drunk and belligerent. So, I'm not going to attend these holidays starting 2024 going forward. Like, I was having such a good day before dealing with him. Thank you again everyone for all your kind replies!

[rio]

Buizel, your mom doesn't respect you and you must ALWAYS look out for yourself first. As others have said, when you get the funds, sayonara sweetie find yourself a safe happy space away from all that BS. Your boundaries deserve to be respected. They need to be acknowledged and not overstepped. If you don't get that from your closest support, you owe them nothing. Even if you did, you don't owe them. Look out for yourself. Sending you lots of love <3

[DankRUSE]

I'm so sorry to hear about your Christmas what a jerk fam.
If it helps at all feel free to DM me for a lil Xmas gift Id be more than willing to draw something for you! If it helps at all

[birdies]

I'm so sorry to hear you had such a rough time. What a little dickweasel - you can at least rest assured his lifestyle will eventually come back to bite him in the ass when there's no one left to support him.

I have a couple of uncles with these kind of views, and though it was hard I just started challenging them every time they opened their mouths. Not quite 'shut the fuck up' but questioning their views, telling them they weren't funny, and generally not letting them get away with it. Yes, some of the family got irritated at first but eventually they stopped talking this way as they knew they couldn't pick on me with it and it wasn't worth their time - for it to work you have to not get upset and just sound really really unimpressed / talk to them like they're stupid / tell them they're too dumb to argue with.

I agree that getting yourself out of the bad situation - going to visit friends on weekends, not going to family events - is ideal, but if you end up stuck with him maybe this is an option.

[Alcremie]

I had a terrible Chirstmas and I'm going to bed frustrated out of my mind, but I hope that everyone here had a good day this Christmas with their family and friends.

My woe for anyone who cares to read it all:

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Omg this is why I don't do holidays anymore. My brother was a drunk, I paid for everything, and my mom would purposely get him drunk to get him to scream at me to do what they wanted. and everytime I fought back it was that bullshit you got. I was always the evil one. Unfortunately I don't see any of this changing unless you move :/ I know, it's tough, and going to be rough on the wallet, but once you are free of that you will feel so much better. The damage being done in this situation is not good. I feel for you. I felt bad leaving mom at first, but I eventually had to give it up because she enabled my brother too much and it was only going to hurt me mentally, and I was physically not good either. If they just enable him to do that shit he won't stop and it'll just get worse. If you need any help or just want to vent don't hesitate to send me a PM. The way our fellow ladies love the manbabies in our families makes me sick I STG!

[Buizel]

Thank you everyone for your kind words of encouragement and personal experiences. They've definitely helped me though these last 2 days. Mild update:

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[birdies]

he was picking at him for "getting a gift from mom"

Wow, making fun of someone for having a parent who loves him enough to get him a big gift. What a sick burn.

This kid sounds small, jealous and bitter. I'm glad you're on a path to not having to deal with him anymore.

[chii3d]

Thank you everyone for your kind words of encouragement and personal experiences. They've definitely helped me though these last 2 days. Mild update:

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This gets worse the more and more I read. The apartment you're at right now, are you paying for it fully? I know this sounds harsh but could you tell your mom to stop letting him in or you're going to have to kick her out? Sorry I didn't really see any information about who is paying for this current apartment.

I'm so sorry your Christmas was ruined but this is a larger issue. You really need to cut this man out of your life because you do not deserve this kind of toxicity and treatment.

[Guil]

oh no, sorry to hear about the holiday issues. that "house guest" family member sounds so awful, like thats the kind of post you would see on AITA awful

we have had a pretty good xmas except for the fact that we haven't slept well.... my youngest nephew is just about 1 and has a cold, an ear infection, and is teething so he was waking us up all hours of the night. but now that part of the family just left. so we will sleep tonight!

[Buizel]

This gets worse the more and more I read. The apartment you're at right now, are you paying for it fully? I know this sounds harsh but could you tell your mom to stop letting him in or you're going to have to kick her out? Sorry I didn't really see any information about who is paying for this current apartment.

I'm so sorry your Christmas was ruined but this is a larger issue. You really need to cut this man out of your life because you do not deserve this kind of toxicity and treatment.

Yep, I currently pay for this apartment with one of my older sisters I spoke to on the phone. Currently, her name and mine are the only ones on the lease and mom just stays with me. The family has been talking for YEARS to get her a house or for her to move in with the oldest sister (my horrible nephew's home with his mom), which I may start to push for in 2024. I'd be very happy if she went to stay with them and I just keep my apartment to myself.

And I told my mom to not to let him in and she just mumbled and went to her room. So I'm very confident that if he still comes over here, she'll 100% let him in because she babies him.