I spent like my whole childhood/middle school/high school days struggling with keeping up with school, despite being quite intelligent I have trouble applying myself anywhere I don't have a particular interest in or find the subject matter to spark my curiosity. Like assigned reading books - yes, I can read that book but I just do not want to. I would always put off homework assignments until the very last minute and just try to wing it. Or skip class if I hadn't had it done. I have had on/off major depressive disorder episodes that usually come about after long periods of trying and failing to do the things that come so easily to others, I don't always get much understanding because I am smart, I can do the work, I just have things I struggle with and people don't get that. I have gotten dismissed a lot when I try to express myself. I never really could seem to get anyone to take me seriously or hear me when I say things. Which at times can cause me to get upset/angry/lash out or yell in order to be heard. Emotional dysregulation which is triggered by feeling unheard or dismissed.
I sought on many occasions medication but was often labeled as a drug seeker by the doctor I went to, like this whole clinic system is absolutely abysmal they can't even keep doctors there because of how they handle patients, but anyway so yeah I never got the help I needed. They always just threw anti-depressants at me which didn't solve the underlying issue which was my lack of focus and ability to complete homework, which affected my self-esteem and motivation, everything ya know. When I was like 23 I was finally able to get a prescription for vyvanse which has like totally changed my life. I felt so normal for once and just soared with progress, got a car, got a boyfriend, got an apartment, worked 3 jobs eventually got that down to just one full time job at an office. Alongside my ADHD diagnosis I was also diagnosed with NVLD which is non-verbal learning disorder. I can speak and write well just don't always have the easiest time trying to translate my thoughts into words in a way that makes sense to people or isn't a word jumble/salad. I struggle with following spoken directions too, like I need it written down in a list. Sometimes can tend to read things very literally and get hung up on certain wording which causes a lot of misunderstandings. I just have to be patient with myself and hope others will be too. I do often feel quite misunderstood and like people just don't get me or don't see things the way I do. And tend to infuriate those who are not very patient or don't find it easy to explain things using different words if I'm not understanding them. Like usually people just repeat what they had just said but I'm like right, I don't understand what you're asking of me with those words, use different ones! Lol. The worst is that those same people tend to think I am purposely trying to be a brat or piss them off. I'm not, but again, misunderstood.
I have been having a hard time managing lately with living alone and having a heavy workload simultaneously, I can do like either or, always seems like my personal life suffers if I'm succeeding at my job and vice versa. Time management and forgetfulness are huge as well for me. The first step is just like, KNOWING the cause of the issues you're having, and it can be really scary or make you feel badly about it to be told something like that, you feel like defective or not normal. Especially the older you get people tend to notice certain things more and judge you for it. But those aren't your people anyway ya know. But yeah i fully believe neurodivergence is way more common than people think, and maybe some people just hide their struggles better than others. Now that you got the hard part out of the way though, you can learn to navigate life through a different lens and find ways to best utilize your strengths, and find tools to make the weaknesses a little more managable. Try to see it as a blessing rather than a curse ya know, cause IMO quirky and different people are way more interesting and fun to speak with, and contribute a lot of different and unique things to the world. That hyperfocus we get can be a super-power, right!? And when we care about something we really care and our attention to detail on that is above and beyond which leads to inspiring others too. Try to see the good in it because there really is a lot. ♥
*Insert "Hang in there" kitty poster here*
Last edited by AmandaBynes; 01-30-2024 at 12:35 AM.
I haven't posted here yet because it's a bit of a difficult one for me sometimes but I'm also autistic / adhd / anxiety. Relatively recently diagnosed with the first two because everyone just focused on the anxiety and never bothered to really try to help me or look deeper. I've been on ADHD meds for a while, great to begin with but I'm finding myself backsliding a bit at the moment - struggling with motivation and to keep up with friends/work etc.
I'm also maybe finding the ADHD meds are making my autistic traits a little more prominent, but I'm not quite as chaotic as I was with untreated ADHD.
I'm fortunate that I live with my dad and he takes care of bills, finances and organisation for me, but I really worry where I'll be without him. I've often left taxes unpaid and caused problems for myself financially just with struggling to actually do things. It's like there's a weird block in my head. I'll know something needs to be done, I'll think about it daily but I can't push over the hurdle to do it.
The other issue is, of course, simply forgetting things that need to be done - forgetting things in general. I feel like I have alzheimers sometimes when I manage to leave something on all day or buy the same thing three times because I forget I already bought it.
Anyway right now I'm struggling for the most ridiculous reason because the whole NCUC shake up has got me hyperfixated on Neopets. I think it's because it's nudged me to shake up my accounts which have been 99 percent the same for years and try to get them how I really want them. When I was just collecting UCs it was easier, but now I really want to be able to have names that order my pets in a certain way or that fit my aesthetic and every time I think I've worked it out I haven't, or I can't trade for what I want. It's really itching away at me and I've been spending far too much time blotting out everything else as I try to work this out. Order is important to me - why can't they just let us order our pets how we want! Plus dealing with some dumb anxiety over moving pets from one account they've always been on to another, or deciding to let pets I've never been as fond of bow out. I don't know why this is so hard when other people have a revolving door on their account. I kind of just want to get this sorted and then get rid of everything else as I'm driving myself mad rn.
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