Let's talk about Relationships!

[Rebel_Minx]

I am going to strive for this, thank you so very much for your advices!

Any time. At one point, I wanted to be a marriage counselor and sex therapist. So I did a lot of schooling for it. But, then I fell in love with cyber forensics.

[Tyranitar]

I do believe in love, I think it is very accomplishable to achive. I mean looks like you both have achived that. I went through what I thought what last my whole life out but it didn't work out and it's quite fresh still I guess. That's why ^^

But what do you guys think is the key to a happy relationship/marriage? I mean it is different from person to person but still?

I agree with @(you need an account to see links), but also, for me, the key for a happy marriage is to be in a constant push and pull.
You need to push your boundaries and pull your partner with you and vice versa. What I mean with that?
What I understand with that phrase is that if my partner wants to have the bed made, I can do it for her, even if I don't care about the bed. It's going to take me 5 minutes and it's going to make her day a little bit better.
Or my partner can do something for me that makes me happy. In my case, I really like when she thanks me for those little things I make.
The key is being happy and making your partner happy with little acts of love. To be always in love, to always look for the needs of each other.
It's easy to say no when we are tired of bored, but love is never easy, you need to always be doing things to have that spark on.

[Rebel_Minx]

I agree with @(you need an account to see links), but also, for me, the key for a happy marriage is to be in a constant push and pull.
You need to push your boundaries and pull your partner with you and vice versa. What I mean with that?
What I understand with that phrase is that if my partner wants to have the bed made, I can do it for her, even if I don't care about the bed. It's going to take me 5 minutes and it's going to make her day a little bit better.
Or my partner can do something for me that makes me happy. In my case, I really like when she thanks me for those little things I make.
The key is being happy and making your partner happy with little acts of love. To be always in love, to always look for the needs of each other.
It's easy to say no when we are tired of bored, but love is never easy, you need to always be doing things to have that spark on.

This!!!! We do this as well, but it's like an unspoken thing we do. We'll talk about it every now and then, but mostly, it's me overhearing hubby talking about all the things I do for him that he loves. And vice versa. I tell everyone all the amazing things he does for me. He isn't on social media hardly ever, but he says he loves when I tag him in posts that are talking him up and sharing all the awesome things he does because he feels his actions aren't unseen.

[Evelynn]

11 years is a long time! It sounds like you both have been through a lot, but it's great to see you being so positive about it all and looking up to the future rather than ruminating too much on past troubles. That has always been one of my personal pitfalls for the longest time, that I would get so down in the dumps about the bad that I was neglecting to see the good.

My current relationship has been going for about a year, but we have been best friends for a very long time by now. I truly believe he is my romantic soulmate (I like to believe, like you, people can definitely have more than one.) There are a select few people in my life I'd describe as platonic soulmates personally. My current partner and I are working really hard to make things work (on a financial level, personal level they're great) and it just feels nice to have someone who is working as hard as I am to achieve our goals. Many past relationships I was in, I felt like there was stagnation between us, or a disconnect between what I wanted and what they wanted. It's nice being with someone on the same exact page.

[Rebel_Minx]

11 years is a long time! It sounds like you both have been through a lot, but it's great to see you being so positive about it all and looking up to the future rather than ruminating too much on past troubles. That has always been one of my personal pitfalls for the longest time, that I would get so down in the dumps about the bad that I was neglecting to see the good.

My current relationship has been going for about a year, but we have been best friends for a very long time by now. I truly believe he is my romantic soulmate (I like to believe, like you, people can definitely have more than one.) There are a select few people in my life I'd describe as platonic soulmates personally. My current partner and I are working really hard to make things work (on a financial level, personal level they're great) and it just feels nice to have someone who is working as hard as I am to achieve our goals. Many past relationships I was in, I felt like there was stagnation between us, or a disconnect between what I wanted and what they wanted. It's nice being with someone on the same exact page.

Yeah! Amber, my best friend, I also believe is my platonic soulmate. And I have a boyfriend as well that I feel is a soulmate! I don't get along well with girls often, but with Amber, everything is so easy! No caddiness. With my bf, everything just works, it's easy! Hubs and bf are so different from each other too! But, both relationships are easy. Bf and I have not had any bad things happen yet, except for learning how to navigate a long distance relationship. But we have finally hit our stride and found what works for us. This summer was supposed to go in a different way with him visiting me in TN, but he had a seizure in April and is not allowed to drive at least until November. So, he is planning to spend a week with me in December so he can attend my graduation! Unless his doctor extends his driving privileges being revoked. BF and I have been together for 2 years on July 11 this year! So we are doing great!

[Tyranitar]

11 years is a long time! It sounds like you both have been through a lot, but it's great to see you being so positive about it all and looking up to the future rather than ruminating too much on past troubles. That has always been one of my personal pitfalls for the longest time, that I would get so down in the dumps about the bad that I was neglecting to see the good.

My current relationship has been going for about a year, but we have been best friends for a very long time by now. I truly believe he is my romantic soulmate (I like to believe, like you, people can definitely have more than one.) There are a select few people in my life I'd describe as platonic soulmates personally. My current partner and I are working really hard to make things work (on a financial level, personal level they're great) and it just feels nice to have someone who is working as hard as I am to achieve our goals. Many past relationships I was in, I felt like there was stagnation between us, or a disconnect between what I wanted and what they wanted. It's nice being with someone on the same exact page.

My wife and I were friends for more than 3 years before being a couple!
I do believe that is nice to know the person you're going to be in a relationship before commiting.

[kittyray]

I definitely relate to wanting to know somebody and be friends for a while before starting a relationship. It just...makes more sense/feels more natural to me that way, attempting anything else feels forced/awkward, but no judgement for people who do otherwise.

[hellraid]

The whole friend thing is actually interesting. I like that in theory, haven't really done it. But it does sound like a good approach. But it could easily ruin the friendship if it doesn't work out no?

I am trying to recall my past relationships and I do not think I ever were friends with someone beforehand. I mean we got to know eachother a bit before entering a relationship. But it's not like hey we're friends.

Could be a culture thing as well I don't know. Interesting never the less

[Rebel_Minx]

Yeah, I don't think I could date a friend, because if it didn't work out, I don't think the friendship would be the same as it was before dating. I agree with @(you need an account to see links) on this one!

[Cinnamoroll]

I’ve been with my husband for 10 years altogether. We have been married for two years, and we were engaged for two years before getting married. I got engaged in May 2019, and I got married August 2021.

Originally when I first met my husband, I had no intention to have a long term, serious relationship. We were 19, and I was at a very transitionary period of my life. I had to pick of the pieces of my life at the time, and he just kind of stumbled into it on a whim. We met through POF, which is an online dating site. I didn’t use it seriously, my friend and I set up a profile for me as a joke to “get me out there” because I was very much a homebody at the time and even struggled to see friends. I can’t remember exactly why, but I had gotten into a fight with my friend (whom set up the profile for me, actually) and I did what any 19 year old girl would do: I went to the mall to browse and shop to get that serotonin and dopamine hit. On the way back, I saw I had a new message notification from the app. It was from the man who is now my husband. Typically I ignored all messages and deleted them, but I looked at his profile and I appreciated his sense of humour and I thought he was cute. So, I replied to him and we started a brief conversation. I had mentioned I was just out at the mall after having a rough day and he asked if I wanted to hang out and just talk to get my mind off things. Normally, I wouldnt say yes to that, especially someone I had never met in person. But something inside me said, “just do it. It’ll be a distraction for now.” So, I told him sure let’s do it. I was at one of two malls that were close together. He told me he was at the one that was slightly more north but it was only a few stops away on the train. So I told him, give me 20 minutes and I’ll be there (I didn’t drive at the time). He told me he would wait at the stairs outside the movie theatre so it was an open, public space surrounded by other people. I was super nervous but I felt relatively comfortable because he seemed genuine, we were the same age, and meeting up in a high profile location. So if anything did go wrong, it would be easy to get away.

I walked into the theatre and there he was. Sitting on the stairs like he said he would. He immediately stood up and had a big smile on his face. He asked me what I wanted to do, if I wanted to see a movie, or walk through this mall or if there was something else. I told him I don’t really care, I just wanted to go somewhere different and not think about anything. He asked me if I would be open to going for a drive around the surrounding neighbourhoods as he grew up in the area and he works in the trades so he could show me examples of the houses he works on. I told him growing up my grandparents and I used to get ice cream and drive around looking at houses, so I would love to do that. Now I know what you’re thinking: “Cinna, you’re getting inside a man’s car you just met? Are you insane? That’s how women go missing!” I know, I know, it seems crazy but I had a sense that I could trust him. And I was right. We drove around in his yellow Jeep TJ for hours, just talking and getting to know each other. We seemed to have a lot in common and the conversation felt natural. A lot of laughs were hard. In those hours, I completely forgot about the issues I was having at the time with my family, friends and mental health. Eventually I realised it was getting late and he asked me if I needed a ride home. I said no it’s okay I can take the train and then walk from the train station. He asked if I was sure, as he didn’t mind taking me home to make sure I was safe. I was hesitant, but at the time I lived with my aunt and my cousin (who was a man in his early 30s) so I wasn’t too worried. He dropped me off and I didn’t want to get out of the car. He asked if he could hug me goodbye and I said yes and we exchanged phone numbers so we could text and he said he will text me when he gets home so I know he was home safe and that he hopes to see me again soon.

I was so… surprised at everything that transpired that night. Who was I? Doing all of these things I never would have done before?

We started texting every day, and we would hang out each weekend. Our hangouts got longer and longer, often reaching into 2 or 3am. One night when he dropped me off, he finally kissed me good bye after hugging me and phewwwwww. Instantly butterflies. I felt like a giddy 13 year old girl. I had a crush, and it was a big one.

The all evening hangouts quickly turned into sleepovers at his house (where he lived with his best friend), because my aunt didn’t want me having boys sleeping over (even though a few times I did sneak him in as I lived in the basement. Shhhh, please don’t tell her 🥲)

We would just play video games together, watch movies and get snacks/food. We enjoyed each other’s company. It all just felt.. natural. I felt safe. It was a feeling I admittedly was not used to. I had never had someone treat me with such kindness and warmth. We quickly ended up spending our entire weekends together instead of just a Friday night sleepover. I loved it and I looked so forward to seeing him. About a month after we first met, he finally got the nerve to ask me to be his girlfriend. I immediately said yes and I told him I was really happy that he asked me.

Shortly after that, my living situation was all be immediately in thin air. I was panicking trying to find somewhere to live that I could afford working a minimum wage job. I had less than a week to find somewhere to go. I knew my living situation wasn’t permanent but I wasn’t expecting it to end when it did. My husband (who was just a boyfriend at the time) suggested I stay with him at his house until I found a place. I told him, no way I can’t do that I’ll be imposing. He said he really did not mind and he didn’t want to see me end up homeless. He wanted to help. I didn’t want to be a burden but he insisted I go. So I did. I had applied for a number of places, and was close to signing a lease, when after a month of staying with him, he confessed he was falling in love with me and that he hoped I felt the same. I told him I did, and that I was surprised he felt that way about me, simply because I had never been shown that kind of love. He asked me if I wanted to stay with him and officially move in. I told him I was scared but he assured me I had already been there for a while and it was fine, so nothing would change. So I started paying rent and was officially on the lease. It was a bit of a big change for his roommate/best friend, who unfortunately became possessive and jealous over his friend and tried to drive me out. My husband wasn’t having it and didn’t like who his “best friend” had become. So he pulled a big “fuck you” and found us an apartment and we moved out without telling him. He woke up the day we moved and was like “hey… where’s all your stuff? Did you move out?” My husband said he was tired of how he was treating both of us and that he was done with the friendship and then blocked his number and that was that. We moved out March 2014, so I had been living there for less than a year.

We lived in that apartment for a few years, and then moved to a bigger apartment within the same building in 2016. We had also travelled over some of the summers, and we had met each others families and spent time between our families at thanksgiving and Christmas each year.

Throughout those years, we had been through a lot. I was still picking up the pieces of my “old life” and working on my mental health. I lost my grandfather and he lost his grandmother. I was trying to build a relationship with my biological father as well. However.. In 2016, there was a huge fallout with my parents (not my biological father, my mom and her husband who I call dad and he legally adopted me in 2004) and I went no contact with them for a while. TW: miscarriage/blood mention below.

Please log in to view spoilers.

After 2016, we adopted a cat from a local rescue to give my existing cat a friend. We also went to the lake each summer, we would go camping, and we went to lots of concerts together. Each year we grew closer and closer together. He went through trade school while working full time, I worked two jobs full time, I finally finished driving school and got my full drivers licence, and I was saving to buy a car. We had eventually started talking a bit about engagement and I would show him rings I liked.

In 2018, I was laid off twice and wrongfully fired from a job (which was a battle I won with the labour board). It was a rough year, but he once again supported me through it all. He was always my rock. By the point we had been together for 5 years, we were then 24 years old, and I felt that engagement would be coming soon.

It didn’t come and I was, admittedly, a bit disappointed. But I can’t force him to be ready so I waited.

In 2019, on our 6th anniversary, he took me to this beautiful staycation at a very fancy hotel and restaurant. I thought FOR SURE he was going to propose. But he didn’t. And the day after the anniversary when we were headed home, I was upset. I broke down in tears. I felt that maybe he didn’t want to actually be with me long term. I was panicking. Well. This man… he pulls the ring box out of his pocket and tells me I couldn’t be more wrong. He wanted to truly surprise me. He knew I would have expected it at dinner last night and he knew I wouldn’t have wanted a big public scene. He said he was sorry for making me upset and he hoped the upset wouldn’t last long. It didn’t and of course I said yes! We announced our engagement on social media for our family and friends. It turns out my family (and his) had known for at least a month prior that he was going to propose. It was hard for them to keep it a secret because he told them when he bought the ring and asked them if they think I would like it (even though it was one of the ones I told him I liked).

Later that year, I bought my first car and we started to plan our wedding for August 2021. We were in no rush and it takes time to get a good venue where we live. Part way though, of course, we got hit with COVID. Our wedding plan had to change drastically but I was actually okay with that.

During COVID, I got laid off 3 times, and we adopted our dog. I struggled a lot with being laid off and keeping occupied during quarantine time. It wasn’t always fun to deal with, but it brought us closer together.

As August 2021 approached, our wedding was looming and I was stressed but excited. The day finally came, and the wedding was small and intimate, but it suited us perfectly.

Shortly after that, I started post secondary school while working full time, and we travelled some more finally, continued to go to concerts. I’m still in school, working in my dream job that was my end goal for when I finish school, and I recently bought my first brand spanking new car (my other one was used but new to me), I have a great set of friends (both in real life and here on clraik, and my husband is very grateful for my cK friends and the relationships I’ve built here), and we live in a beautiful house with an awesome backyard and we are just very happy and lucky to be where we are.

Now, it is July 2023, so we have been together for 10 years at only 29 years old. We have accomplished a lot, even while experiencing the highs and lows that are your 20s. I wouldn’t change it for the world and I consider myself to be very privileged to be able to have such a healthy relationship with my husband. We get along so well that we compliment each other. It feels like we have known each other our whole lives, but in reality, it’s only about a third of our lives. I don’t know what our future holds but I do know that I look forward to it and that he and I will continue to support and love each other just as we always have

So that’s my love story for y’all!