I got married! Appreciation thread!

[hellraid]

Congrats on the marriage, wish you guys the best in the future. Can't give any advice as I am not married nor in a releationship. Maybe you should give me advice. hmm. No just kidding. Again congrats! So happy for you.

[Masterplayer44]

Congrats on the marriage!

I've been married for 7 years, together for 17. It's not easy, even when it feels easy, don't get complacent, communicate, especially about the difficult things, always keep working together. don't go to bed angry, don't let things fester, knowing when to say something is just as important as knowing when not to say anything. Most of that is pretty cliche and I in no way have a perfect marriage, just things I have learned in my experience. There will be fights, it's ok, that is how you grow together, just try as much as possible not to lose focus on what the disagreement is about, it's never a good thing to bring other issues into an argument.

[Infected]

We're the exact same way, we've made it a point to hang out with friends together or not at all, because otherwise we really do just miss each other the whole time lol. We've lost friends who did not have understanding for us wanting to always be together for hang outs.

Also, chiming in on the baby thing, it's true that absolutely everyone asks. One time we even were at a restaurant and the hostess asked if we had any kids with us. We said no, and she said "Are you sure?" yes... pretty sure!
When people ask, we've gotten used to shutting them down quickly (but politely), because if you leave it unanswered they will just keep asking. A friendly "We're not planning to have kids!" (or whatever your situation is) suffices. So wild that people still ask, it's none of anyone's business!

I feel you on that one for sure haha! We've lost some friends, but we've also gotten close to some friends who had found themselves in similar situations. So I guess you win some you lose some. and Trust me I'm Indian, and have a lot of family and they not only ask, but push for it, "now you're married now have a baby!" lmao. It's so silly.

The last part though... man, just ignore it for now. Tell them to let you enjoy being married first. Go on all those trips that you want to go on. Enjoy staying out late while you can, and sleeping in just as late. Having a baby changes your whole world, mostly for the better though! Don't give in just because of outside pressure though. We eventually started telling them that we are taking a collection for hospital bills and if they'd like to contribute we will work on it faster. They did not like that and eventually stopped asking us. We may have also done an april fools joke that we were pregnant just to keep them at bay.

Yeah on a serious note we are way too busy in our lives currently to plan babies. We're both in new promoted positions in our jobs, and she doesn't get home till like 9pm and I away from home for 1-2 weeks a month. So there's no real plans yet, but the constant questions get old lol. It was "how's the marriage prep going?" to now "How's married life treating you?", to soon "Where are the babies?!". But yeah thank you for the invaluable advice! Might try that April Fools thing

Congrats on the marriage!

I've been married for 7 years, together for 17. It's not easy, even when it feels easy, don't get complacent, communicate, especially about the difficult things, always keep working together. don't go to bed angry, don't let things fester, knowing when to say something is just as important as knowing when not to say anything. Most of that is pretty cliche and I in no way have a perfect marriage, just things I have learned in my experience. There will be fights, it's ok, that is how you grow together, just try as much as possible not to lose focus on what the disagreement is about, it's never a good thing to bring other issues into an argument.

That's great advice, thank you! Other issues and past issues being brought up in arguments was something I used to do a lot of in the early days of our relationship, but I've gotten a grip on it over the years. But that's actually something I actively try to avoid, like you said.

[Synth Salazzle]

Not married yet due to distance and financial reasons(2020's events forced me back to my home country for a few years despite I was supposed to start my immigration that year and I'm actually endlessly pissed off about it.), but like you? I feel like I found the one person in the world who gets me too. I'm so happy for your marriage.
We're going to be together for 10 years this august.
My biggest advice on relationships?
Communication. Even the small things, you have to talk. You cannot let it build, you will build resentment, it isn't easier to just "suck it up and not say anything" if your partner is bothering you with something. You need to have the kind of connection where you can have a serious conversation without an argument, both present points and both discuss them calmly, if someone starts yelling we stop and try again later without allowing that to continue from either side.
It takes a huge HUGE amount of learning, and doing to get it down. And your partner cannot meet you half way on that.
Honestly? Learning to treat my relationship like that is what got me to stop being so hostile toward everything all the time constantly. It was hard work, like there are times I have almost killed the relationship because of how aggressive and non communicative I used to be.
It's really really hard for a lot of people to learn to that. I do promise it's possible and is genuinely the hardest roadblock of any relationship imo.
if basic communication isn't possible, it can't thrive.

the other thing I say is "marry your best friend" but I feel like you have that part down well from what you say.

[Misha]

Congratulations! I wish you the best!

My marriage did not work out so I can't give any advice ha

[goodnightmoon]

Congratulations!! I hope you both live a long and happy life together

I've been married for almost 9 years and with my husband for around 16 total years. That puts us as "middle-school sweethearts".

I'd actually say our marriage is so much better now than it ever has been. We got married entirely too young, and faced a lot of trials together that really tested us. And we definitely weren't always happily married. But we really, really worked at it over the years and I can finally say that we are now.

My husband is my best friend in the entire world. He's the only person I can be completely genuine around, totally myself (he is the only person who knows I play Neopets, ha!). He is one of few people in my life that supported me going back to school. He makes me feel heard, understood, safe, and loved.

Definitely just talk to each other! Be honest with each other. You're both human and both doing your best at life. It's better to be on the same team no matter the enemy. Lots of compromise happens, sure, but it's okay. It's so much more worth it to compromise for your human than to be too stubborn and create small cracks in your relationship.

[Infected]

Communication. Even the small things, you have to talk. You cannot let it build, you will build resentment, it isn't easier to just "suck it up and not say anything" if your partner is bothering you with something. You need to have the kind of connection where you can have a serious conversation without an argument, both present points and both discuss them calmly, if someone starts yelling we stop and try again later without allowing that to continue from either side.
It takes a huge HUGE amount of learning, and doing to get it down. And your partner cannot meet you half way on that.
Honestly? Learning to treat my relationship like that is what got me to stop being so hostile toward everything all the time constantly. It was hard work, like there are times I have almost killed the relationship because of how aggressive and non communicative I used to be.
It's really really hard for a lot of people to learn to that. I do promise it's possible and is genuinely the hardest roadblock of any relationship imo.
if basic communication isn't possible, it can't thrive.

the other thing I say is "marry your best friend" but I feel like you have that part down well from what you say.

Thank you! I agree, and this is something she taught me. I was one of the worst communicators and still expected it from her and others. So I'm still working on it but I feel like I've gotten much better.

Congratulations!! I hope you both live a long and happy life together

I've been married for almost 9 years and with my husband for around 16 total years. That puts us as "middle-school sweethearts".

My husband is my best friend in the entire world. He's the only person I can be completely genuine around, totally myself (he is the only person who knows I play Neopets, ha!). He is one of few people in my life that supported me going back to school. He makes me feel heard, understood, safe, and loved.

That's so cute! You're lucky to have that. My wife is my best friend in the whole world too, it's funny you say that because she's the only person who knows I play Neopets as well haha!

[Ice]

Congratulations!! That is amazing and you guys must be over the moon. I think everyone covered a lot of really key things that I won't parrot but I do want to emphasize (also coming from a traditional asian heritage) - make sure you are living your life for YOU. I have a lot of friends who were pressured by family/in laws/etc. to have kids or dictate their married lives by their parents and I cannot stress enough how important (imo) it is to do things for you. I feel like it's high time we sever ourselves from the generational trauma of having to live out our parents' best (or worst) lives and we only have this one to life right lol! So just make sure when you guys have any big life decisions to make, it's always a conversation first and foremost between the two of you.

The only other thing I will add is that while love is a very important factor in a relationship, you cannot have a successful relationship solely off of love. Not to say I have one (because every day can still be a struggle, we have our ups and downs constantly), but in my mind a successful relationship is an active commitment and a choice you two engage in every day will each action and decision you take. It is and can be hard fucking work, but as long as both parties are on board and committed to the relationship, I'm sure it will soon become easy and second nature. ^^

[Charizard]

All the congrats to you guys that's amazing!
I agree with what I read about always keeping communication open and avoiding getting defensive.
You should most definitely trust your partner enough to tell them your whole heart.
Certain years of your marriage may be a challenge as you move through life stages.
However so long as you both are putting in the care and effort to understand each other they will go by smoothly.
We've been married for 10+ years so it's really always evolving with us.
I couldn't see myself with anyone else ever!
If one day he gets tired of my crap I guess I'm forever alone XD

I did want to add that while I do have kids I do not regret I would advise on heavily considering ever having any.
Financially, emotionally and also physically being prepared is a huge factor in whether you will get by with children.
It's quite literally a life sacrifice. You can still do things with your children of course but you can be more limited.
Especially though, in the early days. And your relationship must be air tight. Even then people change after kids.
I advise before even considering come up with ideas on how they will be raised, how many, what sort of plan you may have in place etc.
Ours gave our life meaning and a reason to strive to better ourselves but at the same time is a huge source of anxiety!
Don't be afraid to say no to those asking and don't rely on empty promises of sitting and help because the whole village thing doesn't exist for most.
This day and age everyone works and has their own lives. You won't get the help you expect in most cases.
Anyways just some deep thoughts on the situation

[Cherubi]

Congratulations!! This is a big step in anyone's journey, so I wish you a long and happy marriage ahead