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Thread: What is the best way to come out to family?

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    What is the best way to come out to family?

    I am ready to tell my family but I am not sure how to go about it. I mean I have dated girls but things didn't work out and I am attracted to guy and prefer guys. I just am not sure how to go about it. My family always talks about me one day making grand kids and I don't want to let them down. I also don't want to let everyone else down and most of my friends said if I was gay they would stop hanging out with me and would want nothing to do with me.

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    I think the best way to go about it is to privately sit down your most supportive family member or friend, the one who is most likely to fully accept and embrace you with open arms, and be completely honest with them. Just talk to them one-on-one privately and come right out with it, "I have something to tell you- I'm gay." It's important that you have a support group with someone or a group of people who love you unconditionally and who can help you feel supported so that you are more at ease and have someone to turn to in the case that perhaps you don't get the response you were looking for. You have nothing to be ashamed about and there is nothing wrong with you and you are not going to let anyone down. Anyone who makes you feel upset or lashes out against you is not someone that you need in your life.

    Any of those "friends" you have that wouldn't want to hang out with you or have anything to do with you are not your friends. Because you are gay and it's not a choice, it is simply who you are. Anyone who truly decides not to still be your friend is someone that you will be better off without in your life. Honestly, I'm going to assume you are young (under 18) and in school. Generally, most schools (especially high schools) should have an LGBT+ group or club where you can come out and feel supported and around other young teens who are going through the same things you are. It also may help you if you find people online to talk to in similar situations.

    That being said, once you have that friend/family member or group of friends who know the truth and you feel supported and confident, I would sit down your parents privately and tell them the truth. There's really no better way than just being completely honest, open, and vulnerable. If your parents are good parents who truly love you, they will except you exactly the way that you are. And lastly, about the grandkids thing, you still could have grandkids! Adoption is a viable option in the case that you would like to have children once you are older and ready.

    Good luck OP and I hope that things work out for you. xx

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    gogogo (12-20-2017)

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    EvolutionZzZ's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by gogogo View Post
    I am ready to tell my family but I am not sure how to go about it. I mean I have dated girls but things didn't work out and I am attracted to guy and prefer guys. I just am not sure how to go about it. My family always talks about me one day making grand kids and I don't want to let them down. I also don't want to let everyone else down and most of my friends said if I was gay they would stop hanging out with me and would want nothing to do with me.
    Few things:

    1. People are not FRIENDS if they would have a problem with it.

    2. Your parents already know. (I promise, they already know)

    3. You can still have grand kids lol. I hope to have a kid one day. Being gay isn't going to stop me, so it shouldn't stop you!

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    gogogo (12-20-2017)

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    I have a lot to think about.. Thank you all.

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    WormDaddy's Avatar
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    I can confirm that your parents already know.

    I came out as bisexual as a teenager. My parents already knew. (Though I no longer identify as bisexual at all)
    I came out as transgender as an adult. My parents already knew.

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    First off, get better friends. Any “friend” wiling to drop you over sexual orientation isn’t worth having around. I don’t know your parents but as a mom my love for my son is unconditional. I’d say just let them both know you’d like to talk and just tell them in a comfortable environment. I’m sure they will still love you at the end of the day.

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    lmfao what is this "your parents already know" girl...... no they fucken dont? why do you think so many lgbt ppl live two lives and feel the need to come out to begin with?? lord
    also maybe its just me but if id been agonising over something like being lgbt and my parents just said some dumb shit like "uhuhuh We Know " id be fuckin pissed

    anyway its probably best to know youre safe first? know how your parents feel about the idea of their kids being gay. its one thing knowing how they feel about gay people, but having their own kid be gay is a whole different thing for some reason. probably the grandkids thing. but adoption is an option so if they bring up the grandkids thing thats sort of a failsafe i GUESS. id also suggest having a plan for if they dont take it well... not to be bleak, but you know how things are.

    it doesnt really need to be a big event imo. if you feel better just telling your parents all casual... that might be easier. i told my parents super casually like... sitting in the living room watching tv casually. just was like "would you be mad if i was trans" "no?" "ok, well im trans i think" "oh!"..... i feel like preempting a coming out with a lot of tension and "i have something to tell you"s makes it a lot harder for people? it sets up tension and nervousness.

    alternatively,


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