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Thread: How do we fight depression & mental illness?

  1. #1
    cloudxcrash's Avatar
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    Lightbulb How do we fight depression & mental illness?

    Earlier this year we lost Chester Bennington. Yesterday, Korean popstar Jonghyun (a member of the globally popular boy band SHINee) committed suicide. Today it was revealed that he had been suffering from depression. He left behind a letter, one you can read here:

    WARNING: Due to the potentially traumatic nature of this topic, it is advised that you do not force yourself to read this if you are currently in a bad mental state.


    These are just two people. Two people who touched a whole world with their music but, only two people among many thousands that chose to end their life this year. According to WHO (World Health Organization),

    "Close to 800 000 people die due to suicide every year, which is one person every 40 seconds."

    And according to mind.org,

    the overall number of people with mental health problems has not changed significantly in recent years, but worries about things like money, jobs, benefits, and war can make it harder for people to cope. It appears that how people cope with mental health problems is getting worse as the number of people who self-harm or have suicidal thoughts is increasing
    And the question remains, what can we do? As a friend, as a community, as a society, how can we help?

    Finally, a friendly reminder to everyone at cK to treasure your friends. You never truly know what someone is going through.


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  • #2

    gyunicorn's Avatar
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    RIP Jonghyun </3
    There's so much pain behind that one smile.
    This part hits me the hardest

    "But they said I should live.
    I asked why so many times, but it's not for me.
    It's for you.
    I wanted to be for me.
    He just wants a reason to stay alive for himself, not a reason that says stay alive for other people.
    Jonghyunnie

  • #3

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    I'm probably gonna be the [overly critical] outlier here.
    I don't know this guy or even anything about him, but I have read a lot about depression, personality, mental illlness, and other psychological/philosophical issues of interest.
    Based on what he wrote:
    He paints a tragic, romanticized idea of suicide. In my opinion, his letter is not an accurate nor helpful or particularly insightful look inside depression. Yes - what he wrote is beautiful and even poetic in its "blunt" frankness.
    However, his words reflect the thoughts of a depressed person - NOT the reality of mental illness.
    He manages to come across as wise - he refers to what the 'others' thought (the doctor, the reader) and responds shortly and accordingly.
    But see how he completely lacks the emotional maturity - the emotional intelligence (ability to cope/self-regulate/control emotions) - to consider these statements in depth. He speaks in such a matter-of-fact way; he speaks as if he already knows all the answers. There is no evidence of any attempt to connect with the insight of those around him.
    "I asked myself who can take care of myself. It's only me."
    This is not a thought but rather a FEELING, masquerading as a thought. This is a blanket statement that is founded in a depressing view of reality. Depression does alter a person's cognitive perceptions of the world.
    "They said I wanted to run away. That's true. I wanted to run away. From me. From you."
    He doesn't respond to the allegations of running away. He shrugs it off, choosing to twist it into something easier for him to respond to. 'Who are you running from?' He answers, 'You. You. It's not me, it's you.' (A sad exhibit of social detachment, suggesting he has turned inward for a long time. In this aspect, depression is indeed a matter of personality - after all, we've agreed for some time now that personality is a mix of nature-nurture (bio-social). Those who are least likely/able to pursue and maintain active, meaningful relationships are most likely to wind up alone.)
    And it was me again.
    I asked why I kept losing my memories. They said it was because of my personality.
    People are hardwired differently. Our brains develop differently. It's true that severe depression can cause deficits in memory function; at the same time, people are predisposed to having better-or-worse memory, or possessing inferior/superior short or long term memory.
    Unfortunately, this guy somehow concluded that he was faulty by nature. For someone who introverted, it would be easy to come to that conclusion - there is no group think involved, no outside interference to mitigate the thoughts caused by his mental illness. He blames himself and he probably blamed himself even after he decided to blame others for everything that was his.
    "I see. It was my fault in the end."
    His wording suggests he does NOT see. It's a passive-aggressive defiance; much like how a child stubbornly refuses to be a bigger person, do a harder thing. 'They said it's all my fault... Okay, so in my suicide letter, let me just add: Okay, you're right, it was totally my fault in the end. *subtle play of 'It's Never The Victim's Fault' fallacious argument.'
    It's sad, because of course, a person is never at fault for their mental illness.
    However, in DBT therapy (which is widely becoming accepted/incorporated into mainstream CBT-model therapy), we are taught:
    We must accept that, while we may not have caused all of our problems, we are still accountable for solving them. We realize that, while we may not be to blame or at fault for all of our problems, it is still up to us to fix them.

    "I wanted someone to notice, but nobody noticed. No one met me, so of course they don't know I exist."
    Vague and illogical. What did he want somebody to notice? Who is nobody - everybody? Everybody did not notice? Of course he was met by countless masses of people (being a celebrity), but he does not illustrate further. In the end, he [paints a picture, to me, of a boy who] desperately needed attention (not a morally condemning statement, despite the negative connotations of 'attention-seeking'; all people need all different kinds/degrees of attention). He did not realize this, however; he only notes he "wanted" attention - his suicide letter demonstrates the real need.
    "Pain is just pain. They told me not to be like that. Why? I can't even end things the way I want?"
    This statement BY ITSELF does not scream 'tragic' to me. It screams 'childish' [EDIT: originally said 'selfish' but realized it inferred shame]. Not shameful, necessarily - but the way a toddler might throw a fit when it cannot communicate its needs effectively to its caretakers. This man (child?) was trapped inside a small world which did not include the help of others - either because he denied it or did not receive it at all (unsurprising given his extremely uncommon circumstances), or ultimately because he did not know how to ask.
    Pain is not just pain. Pain can be a lot of things. Almost an irrelevant yet poetic insertion of common Tumblr-esque matter-of-fact argument that's not really an argument at all.
    "They told me to figure out why I was hurting. I know very well why. I'm hurting because of me. It's all my fault and it's because I'm bad."
    At this point, he is no longer speaking. This is his mental illness rearing its ugly head, behind a mask of faulty REASONING. [On a side note: I can relate with this very mode of thought. As someone who's still battling a rather long episode of depression, there are times where I have uttered these exact words - or even written them down in my angst-y, 'no one understands me', expressive diary entries. It's funny how people sometimes associate mental illness/cries for help with the attention-seeking antics of an adolescent teen; however, the ability to cope and regulate self thoughts/feelings is an acquired skill that is supposed to develop/be applied as we mature (it's essentially emotional intelligence 'EQ')... i.e. we sometimes associate the two because immature persons are in fact lacking in certain maturity-based skills.
    "Out of everyone alive, there's no one hurting more than I am and there's no one weaker than I am.
    But they said I should live.
    I asked why so many times, but it's not for me.
    It's for you.
    I wanted to be for me.
    Don't say things that don't make sense.
    Figure out why I'm hurting? I told you why. Why I was hurting."
    He's really just going around in a logic-less circle here. Surely he is not hurting more than anyone alive, and surely he is not the weakest. He asked why he should live so many times - but did he ever listen to the answer, or was he not really seeking one to begin with? His emotional intelligence is stunted.

    Anyway... I shouldn't speculate too much here, as I really am not even addressing the question brought up (thanks OP and sorry if I'm being disrespectful).
    I just felt this knee-jerk gut reaction upon reading his letter... He really comes across to me as a young, highly sensitive individual who was, unfortunately, forced to grow up too fast. (Hence the stunted emotional maturity.) As a result - like a brilliant shooting star - he burned out fast. *shrugs*



    Quote Originally Posted by cloudxcrash View Post
    Earlier this year we lost Chester Bennington. Yesterday, Korean popstar Jonghyun (a member of the globally popular boy band SHINee) committed suicide. Today it was revealed that he had been suffering from depression. He left behind a letter, one you can read here:

    WARNING: Due to the potentially traumatic nature of this topic, it is advised that you do not force yourself to read this if you are currently in a bad mental state.


    These are just two people. Two people who touched a whole world with their music but, only two people among many thousands that chose to end their life this year. According to WHO (World Health Organization),




    And according to mind.org,



    And the question remains, what can we do? As a friend, as a community, as a society, how can we help?

    Finally, a friendly reminder to everyone at cK to treasure your friends. You never truly know what someone is going through.

    Last edited by Forever; 12-19-2017 at 03:33 PM.

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    My very personal opinion: Friends are important for the patient, real friends who wants to help and provide moral support can literally save a life.
    Don't treat them like they are just asking for atention. When someone is brave enough to say "there is something wrong with me, help me"... most of the time, they mean it.

    Last edited by Arnie; 12-19-2017 at 09:46 PM.

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