How does he feel about his actions? Did he try to justify it, or is completely remorseful and apologetic? Obviously it's not acceptable behaviour, but I can't help but wonder what made him decide to tell you now.
I'm sorry dude.... I know how it feels.
The shitty part is, it feels like someone has just ripped a gaping hole in your chest. The weird part is, that hole was always there as long as their infidelity was, and you just weren't aware of it, and it only begins to heal - you only become whole - once you're aware of it... But it takes time and love, to fill that hole and become whole again... Just believe that you will. Because that faith is really the only thing that makes it bearable at first. Once more time passes, you'll no longer look back - you'll be looking FORWARD. And that's the way it ought to be...
The fact that you said you wouldn't be too shocked if this happened to you makes me feel like you already had your suspicions. Sounds like your partner has been shady in the past? If so, the best thing you can do is keep your chin up and be so thankful that you didn't marry him. I am so sorry you're going through this
He only told me after I had told him about the cheating scumbag at my work. After telling him the story, he was silent. From that moment, I think I knew. It took him a few days and then said "we need to talk". I don't think he was even gonna tell me the truth, until I asked him flat out if he cheated on me. He said he is sorry for cheating on me but Idk if I even believe it was only once.
But none of that matters I guess. After 2 days of not eating, not sleeping. I asked him if he loved me. He said yes. I asked him if he still wanted me in his life. He said no. Nothing fixes this hole. No amount of vodka or weed or crying or anything. I have this hole that will go away. It feels like I'm on drugs. Feels like I'm banged up on coke. I can't sit still, I can't stand, walk, think. I just keep pacing around looking out the window at the garage. Thinking Ive been in a Nightmare and he is going to walk into the house and kiss me and tell me he loves me. I just want everything to go away.
And what makes this far worse. Is he owns the house we live in. I'm going to have to get a second job to afford an apartment by myself. And that means Ill have to leave my puppy behind for now. In one moment I lost everything. my fianc�, my home, my dog. How can certain people do things like this. I just don't get it. I could never hurt someone like this.
In my opinion, cheating is up there with murder and paedophilia. Happened to me more than a few times, including my ex wife who had a child with my cousins best friend. Only time will heal. I'm sorry you are going through this
Cheaters are the scum of the earth. Their selfishness knows no bounds and to just hurt someone like that is heartless. You deserve to be loved. You deserve someone who values and respects you so much they wouldn't even dare of doing this. You deserve someone who loves you even when times get tough. Fuck this guy, he wasted years of your life. He isn't worth shit anymore. Time will pass and you will find someone who will really love you and won't betray you. I'm so sorry this happened to you.
I'm so, so sorry. Cheating is one of the worst offenses in my book because of how highly I prioritize sincerity and communication in relationships.. and after all the time and preparation and closeness you've put into the relationship, too?
That's absolutely heartbreaking, to know that you two made promises but he was willing to break it over a brief possibility at someone else.
He's not worth it anymore if he's going to be this way. Make your peace and take away what you can, work about figuring out possibilities for yourself until you can come up with a more long-term plan, talk to friends/family for support and suggestions if they're willing.
In a way it's better this way. I'd rather know than not know. I don't think anything I say will help that much but remember that you are the most important person in your life.
oh man I am so so sorry you are going through this There's very few things that hurt as much as that kind of betrayal from someone you loved and trusted... he's revealed himself to be a real coward by taking this selfish path, rather than what a loving partner SHOULD do -- communicating honestly with their partner about their relationship, what they need, what they're feeling, etc.
When I had something similar happen to me, after the crippling fresh hurt faded and became more of a low key sadness with time, something I realized was that, because the person I loved was capable of doing something so selfish and hurting me so badly, he wasn't actually the person I had thought he was. More specifically, he wasn't really the person I had loved. When I had that revelation, things started to get a bit easier because I guess in a way, it didn't feel like I was losing this person that I loved deeply and who I considered my best friend -- that person never existed in the first place.
Granted, my relationship was a lot shorter than your 4 years, and I completely understand how with a longterm relationship, you have so many more memories and experiences together that can make your feelings even more confusing. I want to echo what someone else said, to please be compassionate with yourself and let yourself mourn your relationship as much as you need to. Your feelings and your pain are valid, and when you've been treated so cruelly by someone you cared about, it can take a lot of emotional and mental energy to work through your hurt and understand the extent of how it's affected you, what you need vs. what you think you want, and how you want to move forward.
And I hope you always keep in mind how much you deserve to be in a relationship with a mutual level of love, respect, and trust! No one deserves to be treated the way you did. I know how hard it is to go through something like this when you feel like you don't have anyone to talk to, and I know I'm just an internet stranger, but I'd love to lend an ear to as much ranting and venting and crying as you need, so you can feel secure in knowing someone will be there to listen!
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