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Thread: Commissioned Concept for Visual Novel

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    Lightbulb Commissioned Concept for Visual Novel

    You can read it here: https://www.fictionpress.com/s/3300447/1/Coin-Toss

    Right now, I am involved in composing music for this one Chinese company; while working with them, they noticed my writing and want to produce a media presentation out of a "game concept" I have, with the hope of expanding it into a full game if it works out well.

    Given that Katawa Shoujo really moved me back in the day, I decided to try my hand at a visual novel.

    FIFTH LOVE (Visual Novel)

    "Coin Toss" combines the two versions of the Prologue scene (normal and True Ending) into one story. The story line of Fifth Love is about a guy (MC) who wants to rectify his growing feelings of isolation and directionless-ness. It is told in five routes: the first four involve MC developing a (not necessarily romantic) relationship with one of the four main girls: his childhood rival (Rival), his twin sister (Sister), his first love interest and eventual first girlfriend (Romance), and a stranger he meets into the library with whom he ends up sharing a special bond (Confidant). All of these routes have their own set of endings, but each also has a canon "True Sub-Ending", which is the assumed ending for if MC went down that route.

    The True Ending, unlocked after finishing the four True Sub-Endings, is the one story line where MC ends up befriending/repairing his relationship with all four girls; however, as the problems become inevitable (just like in the other routes), MC realizes the root of the problem is that he is relying on people to fix him; that is to say, he never loved or accepted himself. The result is a realization of his true nature.

    I thought I would share this with you guys

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  3. #2
    Princess


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    I think that it's really cool that you have the different routes you can go down. I like stories like that, haha. Nice work!

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    Not bad.

    The narrator's voice and language doesn't fit the character though.

    I like the concept a lot, but it was really hard to understand what mood I should be in.

    I immediately felt as though the narrator was very pensive, so I expected to read a lot more about what he thought rather than what he saw (or what happened).

    Example:

    "As we made our somber procession, abreast, across the bridge, she bolted ahead with unexpected energy before turning back."

    Just my thoughts anyways.

    Good job.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Curious View Post
    Not bad.
    I like the concept a lot, but it was really hard to understand what mood I should be in.
    I felt the same way--but that's due to the way the summary is written (style-wise) rather than your explanation.

    Most visual novels are about romance, but you branch into other areas like friendship, etc. I like the idea of not needing a romantic relationship to hold two together but more of an unbreakable bond tying one another as a result of shared interests/life events, but I think if it's not executed well the player will lose interest in the game since there won't be those (cheesy) heart-pounding moments that (visual novel) romance draws out.

    I love the idea, though.

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