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Thread: Significant other calling others by 'pet names'

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    TandN's Avatar
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    Significant other calling others by 'pet names'

    So I was just wondering what your opinion(s) are/were on your significant other (boyfriend, girlfriend, fiance, husband, wife) calling others by 'pet names' or saying things like I love you to them. I was just hoping to get your guys' opinions because my fiance has been calling her "long time friends" by pet names the past couple months I've noticed, and saying things like, "I love you bae" and "you're the best I love you baby" and whatnot.

    She has a friend named Mitch who she calls 'Mitchy' all the time, and has him in her Snapchat under a petname, she just like border-line flirts with her friends seems like and just always uses the excuse that they're just her long time friends and there's nothing wrong with saying those types of things. She tells me I'm her absolute best friend in the world but I'll see her telling her friend who we'll just call Stacy here that she loves her and how she's her best friend, then she just tells me it's a different type of best friend.

    Am I just being too paranoid/jealous here? Or should I have a problem with this or what? Anybody else have any experience with this?

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    Baby's Avatar
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    It does seem like you're jealous, but that's not inherently a bad thing - it's natural to want your S.O to like you better than their other friends.

    Your fiance doesn't sound like she has any ulterior motives - she just loves her friends and that's how she displays affection for them. If it bothers you though, I would recommend talking to her about how you feel and why it hurts your feelings so she can see it from your point of view. I don't particularly think anyone is in the wrong in your situation, just a miscommunication.

    Either way if I was doing something that made my gf jealous I would want her to tell me because I don't want to accidentally hurt her!

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    TandN (12-16-2016)

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    TandN's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Baby View Post
    It does seem like you're jealous, but that's not inherently a bad thing - it's natural to want your S.O to like you better than their other friends.

    Your fiance doesn't sound like she has any ulterior motives - she just loves her friends and that's how she displays affection for them. If it bothers you though, I would recommend talking to her about how you feel and why it hurts your feelings so she can see it from your point of view. I don't particularly think anyone is in the wrong in your situation, just a miscommunication.

    Either way if I was doing something that made my gf jealous I would want her to tell me because I don't want to accidentally hurt her!
    We've already talked about it a couple times but I still feel the same way I just can't shake the jealousy feeling for some reason, I mean I think I know why it's because I'm so terrified of losing her that the thought of it just gives me nightmares but I don't know what to do about it, it's caused a few, not arguments but more hostile discussions I guess,

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    Baby (12-16-2016)

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    Ah I see Sounds just like a big misunderstanding then - she likely doesn't understand why you're jealous and probably feels like you're trying to distance her from her friends even though that isn't the case. So I can see why she's upset and I also understand how you feel because I'm a jealous person too! I hope you guys can work something out and can communicate further on this issue without anyone getting upset! You obviously love her a lot and I'm sure you can get over this problem - I just hope the next discussion isn't hostile
    Last edited by Baby; 12-16-2016 at 01:25 PM.

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    TandN (12-16-2016)

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    I wrote a big post about this but then the internet went down and lost the whole thing poof. I am BPD so I know about insecurities and the monster called jealousy all to well. I would drive those away that I want held close because I felt I didn't deserve them. Not saying this is your case, but this post reminded me of those times.

    It sounds like this is the way that she has always been and to be honest you should not really expect her to change her personality or friendships to make you feel more secure. That is not the person that you fell in love with. And if you trusted her enough this far to propose and she accepted, then I would trust that she would remain faithful.

    This is a good time to do some self reflection and make sure you are really ready to make this next step. (I am assuming in this scenario that you proposed to her as is the standard rather than the other way around so correct me if I am wrong)

    Did you propose to her because you love her as she is now and are secure that the relationship will last?
    Did you propose because you thought that being married would make her change her behavior?
    Was it because you thought if you didn't tie her down with a ring you thought you'd lose her?
    Why do you feel that you have to be the #1 everything (friend/counselor/go to guy) in her life? You didn't explicitly say it but that is the vibe I get.
    If you love and trust her enough to propose, then why don't you trust her enough to not leave you?


    The only thing that will drive her away is your own insecurities and jealousy. Either by physically driving her away because she can't take the negativity anymore. Or by damaging her spirit so much because she really loves you and wants to make you happy that she does try to change for you and turns into a shadow of her former self. Timid and hollow and the life gone from her eyes.

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    TandN (12-17-2016)

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    Katie





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    I don't think that using nicknames/pet names are necessarily a sign of anything to worry about by themselves. One of my best friends was one of 8 Daniels in my graduating class, so he became Dannel instead. We've been friends for 15 years and have a lot of shared experiences and history, so will bullshit about things that my husband won't always understand.
    As for the "I love you bae" stuff, I don't know about your fiance, but that's just how a lot of people feel like they are 'supposed' to talk these days. Personally, I find it fake and annoying as hell, but I wouldn't consider social media gushing to be genuine declarations above you.

    If it's bothering you that much, have a chat about how you feel with her. Unless you've felt a change in her behaviour towards you though, I think it's fine.

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    TandN (12-17-2016)

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    If it does bother you, you should talk to her, but it really depends on your level of trust with her. If she says he's just her friend, you should find faith in her. Maybe just tell her that her calling him those names makes you uncomfortable, haha, and you don't like the way she almost flirts with him. Try and talk it out instead of keeping your uncomfort inside, though.

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    TandN (12-20-2016)

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