I definitely agree with you on the whole "human" thing, though... Like I have honestly never heard it explained in a way that's made any sense at all to me, to be honest.Originally Posted by Mint
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i've yet to have someone animal-kin shed light on it, but yeah, that's pretty much what i think of the whole notionI definitely agree with you on the whole "human" thing, though... Like I have honestly never heard it explained in a way that's made any sense at all to me, to be honest.
yeah i was gonna say pretty much what munna said
i guess theres a chance in a few years with more therapy and stuff or just growing more as a person the identity thing will slowly change, but i think as part of a mental illness the possibility of it actually just Going Away is really slim
theres medication and stuff but theres no real cure for certain issues... i mean if people want to keep their identity all their lives then so be it, but theres also the chance that in a few years theyll be someone completely different who doesnt need their old identity, or found one more fitting for who they are at that time. illnesses change sometimes, they get worse or better. your brain is a fickle little fuck who does what it wants and you just need to go along with the ride unfortunately. its sort of like a drunk friend trying to give you directions to their house but they keep giving you the wrong directions and taking you down dead ends and shit and youre just like for fuck sake i just want rid of you for now quit dicking around asshole.
i used to think it was a childish thing really and that people would grow out of it, but you dont really grow out of mental illness. you can learn to live with it better but you never just... grow out of it. and if someone is using it to cope with abuse then even outside their abusive situation it may give them a feeling of control while they heal. healing takes different lengths of time for everyone of course, so you dont really grow out of being traumatised by abuse either. you can move past it but it never really leaves you i dont think.
some people might even keep it as familiarity. familiarity is always nice.
i dont know who ill be in a few years time. ive felt the way i do all my life, but maybe growing into A Real Life Adult will change how i feel about myself. kinda just assuming ill get worse though. catch me at 26 as a full time fursuiter. the locals call me The Yiff King and i live in a cave in the forest nearby and communicate in grunts and various animal noises.
i go about it like this:
if i met someone named jessica, and they said, "hey i'd rather you call me jess!" and i still called them jessica - that'd make me a huge fucking asshole. same goes for any sort of gender preference, etc. being a cis straight girl, i have no business to tell someone whether or not their feelings are valid or to even dare challenge it. so i don't. there are some things i don't understand regarding the topic, but i know it isn't their job to educate me. i do find it confusing the way some people seem to want to fight against gender roles, while also perpetuating them but again, it's not their job to justify their decisions to me or educate me on the matter.
Sometimes I wonder if a lot of motivation behind all the different identities is dysmorphia regardless of the gender. Not feeling like you have the right body, or right parts, is hell and I could see how people might turn to identities that seem unconventional or weird just as a way of coping with those bad feelings on the day-to-day. I really hope in the future we get to a point medically where people can have the bodies they want, and maybe that would alleviate some of the weird gender boxing that happens/these extremely specific niche identities that seem to get more and more nuanced and divided. It can leave you with not enough room to grow and be happy. I know there's so much more beyond just cis or trans, but it doesn't help that treatment options are so limited and crap depending on what your situation is...
Ex- if you are a woman but feel as though you should have a penis (NOT that you should be a man, just that you should have a penis), you wouldn't have to find some kind of gender identity to explain that you feel as though you should actually have a penis but you are still a woman and need "she" pronouns and a female name and want to be perceived as a woman, but you don't identify with having female anatomy, and you want to call your vagina a penis, and and and and and...
It's just a lot all at once. So many identities can involve disclosing all this personal shit to everyone and that's really intimidating if you're just a private person trying to live your life you know? You could just go get yourself a dick and be done with it. Bam.
Or, likewise, if you don't feel any gender and don't want any "gendered" parts, you could have surgery to reflect that and then just do you and it's nobody's business unless you want it to be.
Hopefully that makes sense I unno. I think about this a lot but I'm no voice of knowledge, for sure.
User5931 (10-15-2015)
I'm just going to throw my two cents on this thread.
While I find stuff like otherkin a little confusing, as I've never personally felt anything other than a human being (although joking that I am an alien probably daily) I think that whatever makes that person feel most comfortable in their skin, they can believe they are whatever the fuck they want to be. Otherkin is the only thing that I personally will never understand because there's scientific proof that you are, in fact, a human being. But if they want to be called werekin, elfkin, etc. Do whatever makes you feel good and comfortable within yourself.
I've definitely struggled with gender my entire life. Not feeling comfortable with neither female nor male pronouns. It was only until I read the definition of "agender"* when I finally actually understood how I was. Now, looking at me you may thing "Wow, that's a fairly traditionally feminine looking person" Yeah, I present myself in the way I feel most comfortable. That doesn't mean that I'm female. That doesn't mean I identify as female. Use female pronouns? Go at it, sweetheart. I'm not going to lose my shit if someone says "her/she" to me. But it definitely doesn't feel correct to me.
I don't take pronouns as personally, but I definitely appreciate people using they/them pronouns when referring to me. It isn't to be a ~special little snowflake~ it's what makes me feel like me. I know a lot of people can't exactly understand this because they were born cisgender - you've always known what you were. From the beginning of your existence on this planet you understood what you were. But when people like me (and other non-binary/trans persons) who have been questioning their very existence their entire life finally find some kind of solace within themselves, why not just appreciate that for what it is? Respect that for what that is, because even if you don't get it - it's someone finding peace.
The only thing I can even suggest to anyone is recognize that this isn't just something that's found on tumblr. I only recently started to use tumblr, actually. Gender is a big mash of so many pronouns, ideas, everything. Even as someone who is within this grey area of gender I'm still just as confused as you are. Just respect people's pronouns, because being misgendered is a really big deal to a lot of people. Use those pronouns to the best of your ability and make sure you're aware that there's things other than FEMALE and MALE out there. I'm one of those, and I exist as much as anyone else.
It's been a while since I came out to my friends, it was while being active on ck. Not many of you know this because I never felt the need to sit down and talk about this with many people, as it's not something that's easy to bring up in conversation - nor did I feel like it was something that needed to be addressed immediately. So, for anyone who didn't know, surprise bitch~
* Agender: an identity under the nonbinary and transgender umbrella terms. Agender individuals find that they have no gender identity, although some define this more as having a gender identity that is neutral
^ for anyone who doesn't know
edit: LOL it's coming out day what a coincidence
Last edited by Curse; 10-11-2015 at 08:28 PM.
Aura (10-11-2015),♥ Decepticon ♥ (07-04-2016),Elf (10-12-2015),John_ (10-11-2015),♥ Munna ♥ (10-12-2015)
As others have said, to me it comes down to respect. If someone has found a sense of self that brings them happiness, and does not hurt others, then it should not be the place of me or greater society to challenge that. That said, there are a couple of points to consider:
1) When you first meet someone, they will most likely be unaware of your personal preference in things like pronoun. Many people, such as those who have posted here, realise this and do not feel personally attacked when the incorrect pronoun is used through genuine lack of awareness. Unfortunately there are those who do not respond with this maturity, and seem to think that everyone they meet should be psychically attuned to automatically know what pronouns they identify with. It's those people who make the issue harder for others, and those people whom transphobic critics use as their 'evidence' of the issue being ridiculous. It's like @(you need an account to see links) said; my legal name is Katherine, but I prefer Kate or Katie. When people first meet me though, they use my legal name. Does it annoy me? Yes. Do I understand their error though? Yes. Once I have corrected them, if they persist in using a label that I don't like, I can feel justified in getting pissy at them, but until then they are just working from the information they have.
2) Yes there are a number of different pronouns out there these days, and different people may identify with different ones. This can, naturally, take some getting used to and be a little confusing at first. Is this so different to learning their names though? I'm a teacher, so having a hundred new faces and names is part and parcel to this. I take the time to learn their names as a matter of respect. Differentiated pronouns would just be an extension of this process. We might have 9 Daniels in the school, just like we might have 40% of students who are cis females and use "her", but learning who is a Daniel and who is a Simon shows respect for them as individuals. There are fewer pronoun options out there than there are names, but we make no qualms in using those correctly. If we actually care about others, putting in the effort to refer to them as they deem suitable is completely within reason.
3) We don't have to agree in order to utilise correct words. I might think that Abcde (pronounced "Ab-sid-ee") is a really stupid name for a kid, but that doesn't mean I'm going to call them Sally instead. It's not my place to determine who they are.
I honestly like the additional labels. If you don't like them you don't have to use them, but as long as it makes people feel like they can finalyl belong I don't really see the harm.
♥ Decepticon ♥ (07-04-2016)
Cinna Rollz 
Exactly. I agree it has gotten out of hand, and the internet, especially Tumblr, has ruined this.
It blows my mind sometimes. Like I don't care what you are, or how you feel. We. Are. All. People. So who cares what you do with your life, it's your life and you don't need to label anything because it shouldn't matter to anyone else what you do personally.
Of course I respect people and will use their preferred pronouns and such, but they also need to remember to be communicating what they prefer so people don't get it confused and then said person gets offended. I don't have anything against anyone who is going through gender identity crises. They can be whoever they want. They just need to remember not everyone is in the know on the terms because these terms are constantly being created, and not everyone will understand.
This whole topic is very messy right now across the Internet.
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Last edited by Cinnamoroll; 10-20-2015 at 02:44 PM.
My sister is transgendered- she was born my brother but says she has always felt she was a woman and was always uncomfortable as a man. I support her; she has been there for me and we had a good relationship growing up. She didn't need anyone to tell her who she was, she always knew. When she came out about this, about 10-11 years ago when I was about 19-20, while I have never judged people (I have always been live and let live- do what you want as long as you aren't hurting others) I didn't get it at first. I became more educated about this subject and realized people have complex gender identities in some cases (it has always been simple for me; I was born male and have always felt male). I support trans people, they aren't hurting anyone and should have the same rights as anyone else.
As far as all these genders go: I think there are probably more than two, but I have heard some pretty out there stuff (trans race? I guess I never believed in people of different races being different just because their race so it is a little harder for me to understand). As I said I believe in live and let live, I wouldn't oppress anyone, but I don't know about some of the stuff coming out on sites like tumblr....
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