My name is Yuki Ayamine and I am almost 16. I am accomplished and ambitious, and I do not sit in front of the internet all day but instead balance schoolwork, social justice, writing, drawing, and studying my country and its language with a loving passion. I’ve always experienced extreme nationality dysphoria, and recently realized it is ethnic dysphoria too. I feel disgusted and disappointed when I look at the mirror and my inside is still hidden. This is serious, not some mental ‘problem,’ as I was almost driven to suicide because my future seemed so bleak in a land like this. Then I realized, Japan is so close to being perfect. At least, Japan is my perfection, my happiness, the country that I belong in and that I should have been part of my entire life. It’s not just because I love anime and am a fujoshi fangirl-it’s not just because I love everything that’s kawaii-it’s not just because Pocky and ramen are my favorite foods-it’s everything about Japan that defines me and explains who I am as a person. I’m a typical Japanese girl who loves Japanese pop culture and society and the ancient traditions still manifest in Kyoto. Of course Americans can love Japan, but there’s a difference between being an American otaku and someone whose true satisfaction comes from their Japanese identity. I plan to spend the rest of my life studying and experiencing everything about Japan, and will move soon. I am very excited to renounce the American citizenship that’s been hanging over my head and threatening my happiness. I know that in Japan because of my skin color I will be looked upon as a foreigner, and that’s why I plan to live with a host family. After getting rid of the western-ness I may accidentally have acquired, I’ll be a normal Japanese in every situation, socially and culturally.