Originally Posted by
WireEater
As some know, my dad passed away back in August. He actually committed suicide. And let me tell you one thing. My father was FAR from being a selfish person, in fact, it was never about him, including him taking his life. He would pull his shirt off his back for anyone, including a stranger.
Was it a surprise to everyone, yes, did it hurt? It was the worst day of my life so far. Nothing will feel like when I had to open my door and had to answer to the officer If I knew Charlie Wensel and upon answering him I seen his eyes and heart sink to the floor when he had to tell me my father passed away. When I found it how he died, it all made sense to me and I wasn't mad at my dad.
He was an extremely smart man. He always had a reason for his actions. He had this planned out for awhile. It got to a point where my brother and I had to laugh at how planned he had everything. He left behind clues that only my brother and I would understand because he knew the police would be in his house. He was a private guy and didn't like anyone going through his personal belongings. The things he left behind the investigators didn't understand at all, we just smiled and told them they'd have to know him. Basically he hid some keys and a note under a rock for us.
He left his notes to us in his gun safe. He knew they would have loved to get in their to see what he had. But anyways, his notes were extremely detailed and had everything laid out for us. He told us not to worry about him, he will be alright. He had GPS way points loaded, maps and pictures for us marked with coordinates and directions to the spot he wanted his ashes. He loved the outdoors. Thinking back the other weeks before his suicide a lot of the little things came back, like conversations with him, him showing us things, etc. He was trying to condition us for what was going to happen.
He wasn't taken the easy way out. He loved my grandkids A LOT and he even mentioned it in his letter. He just felt like his life would have been more of a burden in the upcoming years than a benefit. He was laid off from work back in 09 from construction. Never got hired back. They ended up hiring new, young workers for 1/2 his wage. He had to live off of his retirements for 3 years. At the age of 58, where do you go after that? He unemployment ran out (I found over 300 documented places he put applications in during that time). He was an old tough man, pride got to him, he never wanted help from people. I was taking him what ever I could even though I was struggling with money. I'd have to hide it in his house for him to take it.
Anyways, he didn't want to have to depend on family members to help him and I can't hold that against him... that doesn't sound selfish to me at all. He also LOVED the out doors and lived outside. He lived on the mountains in a beautiful home 10 feet off a mountain stream. He was getting old and he was having some health issues. He would never tell us about it though. I NEVER remember my dad going to the doctors in my life. He never talked about things that he was going through. If you were a friend, his private life didn't exist. Anyways, he was also having health issues and I'm sure that he couldn't imagine himself being an old guy that has a hard time getting around that will... depend on people helping him. Again, it was about not being a burden on other people. Doesn't sound selfish.
In the past 4 years he got to do a lot of things. (Skit dive license, pilot license, live on the mountains. I think he truly felt that he got to live his life to the best he could and was able to accomplish a lot of the things he wanted. Once you have reached that, what else did he have to go for? Yes he had his family but he understood that his own kids were now adults with their own issues, he didn't want to cause any more.
So I came to terms with his death very quickly because he was such a respectful guy and I know what he did wasn't to hurt anyone, it's just what he felt would be best for him and everyone else.
Before he left he cleaned the house (rented), spotless. He wrote down everything in the note that wasn't his so we couldn't take it from the house. He paid off all his bills before going. He put the rest of the money he had in a jar and told us to leave it there. He told us to leave the custom shed there for the landlord to cover the rent he owed. He left 2 extra pans of water on the dog kennels (he LOVED his dogs) to make sure they were fine until someone was able to get there. He then walked 2 miles up the road next to the river that was pointing to the location he wanted his ashes spread (open mountain view) and put one clean shot through his heart.
He was very strict about gun safety and always made sure we were the same when handling guns. He only put 1 round in the chamber and positioned himself against a rock to make sure the bullet didn't travel anywhere beyond his body. The only thing he had in his pocket was phone numbers for me , my brother and a few family and friends, his license and is CCW permit.
Sorry, but nothing about this was selfish. He was looking out for everyone and everything.
He had everything sorted in envelopes for us. From his birth certificates, to titles to his boats/car/truck already signed over to us to certain requests with items. The guy was a boss to be honest. He went out with pride and I respect that and him and would never look at him any different than I ever did because he was the same damn way when he went out...
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I don't like the debate forum. I don't like to argue. But, I just wanted to throw my 2 cents in.
