What do men like in a prospective long term girlfriend?

[Misha]

Believe it or not, guys are just looking for their best friens. I think all guys here can agree that you meet a girl and she just makes you smile. It isn't that she is doing, it is just the thought of her makes you happy. So, I think I look for an innate connection that makes me happy

Hit it right on the nose. Punched it square in the face.

[Clark]

I hate when people say don't change yourself, blah blah. People have to change, have to adapt. Maturity involved adapting for the person you are with. It's part of acceptance and part of trust. Don't necessarily change who you are as a person, your fundamental being. But little things? If we never changed, we would make the same mistakes again and again for our entire lives.

What do guys want? Probably someone that genuinely cares about them. Girls make stuff into such a game, and make love so complex. Love isn't about leverage, about control, or about playing some arcane manipulative game. Once you start to trust someone, let your guard down a bit if you think they're worthy of it. Tbh, the only times I ever get into fights with my gf is when she gets overly protective or closed in about things. Like when, for instance, she gets mad if I don't make the first move whenever we have sex and consequently don't have sex but also rebuffs me when I make the first move too often. Those stupid mind games make you see shadows where there aren't any, so to speak. Guys, in a relationship, aren't looking to have to work and fight for every inch of happiness. Its not a game. Getting you was a game. Convincing you that they aren't a piece of shit like everyone else was part of the game. Time and time again proving their trust was part of the game.

When the game is over, reap the rewards. Stop trying to play another game with someone who is content enjoying the spoils.

(Sorry for the extended metaphor, but in all honesty it happens alot. One person tries to make things more difficult or different because of some notion of power or whatever. And that breaks apart relationships very quickly.)

[Misha]

I hate when people say don't change yourself, blah blah. People have to change, have to adapt. Maturity involved adapting for the person you are with. It's part of acceptance and part of trust. Don't necessarily change who you are as a person, your fundamental being. But little things? If we never changed, we would make the same mistakes again and again for our entire lives.

What do guys want? Probably someone that genuinely cares about them. Girls make stuff into such a game, and make love so complex. Love isn't about leverage, about control, or about playing some arcane manipulative game. Once you start to trust someone, let your guard down a bit if you think they're worthy of it. Tbh, the only times I ever get into fights with my gf is when she gets overly protective or closed in about things. Like when, for instance, she gets mad if I don't make the first move whenever we have sex and consequently don't have sex but also rebuffs me when I make the first move too often. Those stupid mind games make you see shadows where there aren't any, so to speak. Guys, in a relationship, aren't looking to have to work and fight for every inch of happiness. Its not a game. Getting you was a game. Convincing you that they aren't a piece of shit like everyone else was part of the game. Time and time again proving their trust was part of the game.

When the game is over, reap the rewards. Stop trying to play another game with someone who is content enjoying the spoils.

(Sorry for the extended metaphor, but in all honesty it happens alot. One person tries to make things more difficult or different because of some notion of power or whatever. And that breaks apart relationships very quickly.)

Fact: do not change who you are as a person, don't change anything about yourself unless you're willing to compromise. Don't do it simply because the other wants or expects you to. Do it for yourself if you feel it's worth it to grow in the relationship.

And I do agree, women a lot of the time do play some type of mind game. The biggest thing that gets me is, when the woman is CLEARLY upset about something, asking "What's wrong?", and they say "nothing", only to later pick an argument about how "You don't care/pay enough attention/blah blah blah". When I ask you what's wrong, just fucking tell me what's wrong. I'm not going to sit and try and figure out what happened over the course of the last hour/day/month/millenium just to figure out why you could be stressed out.


COMMUNICATION IS THE BIGGEST THING IN A RELATIONSHIP.


Ok, /end rant.

[Clark]

Fact: do not change who you are as a person, don't change anything about yourself unless you're willing to compromise. Don't do it simply because the other wants or expects you to. Do it for yourself if you feel it's worth it to grow in the relationship.

And I do agree, women a lot of the time do play some type of mind game. The biggest thing that gets me is, when the woman is CLEARLY upset about something, asking "What's wrong?", and they say "nothing", only to later pick an argument about how "You don't care/pay enough attention/blah blah blah". When I ask you what's wrong, just fucking tell me what's wrong. I'm not going to sit and try and figure out what happened over the course of the last hour/day/month/millenium just to figure out why you could be stressed out.


COMMUNICATION IS THE BIGGEST THING IN A RELATIONSHIP.


Ok, /end rant.

The whole topic about change is a tough line to walk and even tougher to express in writing. Who you are should never change, but lack of change can also cause you to get suck on problems in a relationship. For instance: Girlfriend hates video games. You love video games. Both of you need to compromise to make something work, or eventually she will get fed up with your ass or you will rip into her. That's all I meant haha

And I agree with you on the communication 100%

[Naked Gamer]

People who think they don't have to change need help, Change normally will just happen naturally due to the point of the relationship.

If your partner is pressuring for change it's probably not going to work out since it will continue to happen.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Banannie]

I hate when people say don't change yourself, blah blah. People have to change, have to adapt. Maturity involved adapting for the person you are with. It's part of acceptance and part of trust. Don't necessarily change who you are as a person, your fundamental being. But little things? If we never changed, we would make the same mistakes again and again for our entire lives.

What do guys want? Probably someone that genuinely cares about them. Girls make stuff into such a game, and make love so complex. Love isn't about leverage, about control, or about playing some arcane manipulative game. Once you start to trust someone, let your guard down a bit if you think they're worthy of it. Tbh, the only times I ever get into fights with my gf is when she gets overly protective or closed in about things. Like when, for instance, she gets mad if I don't make the first move whenever we have sex and consequently don't have sex but also rebuffs me when I make the first move too often. Those stupid mind games make you see shadows where there aren't any, so to speak. Guys, in a relationship, aren't looking to have to work and fight for every inch of happiness. Its not a game. Getting you was a game. Convincing you that they aren't a piece of shit like everyone else was part of the game. Time and time again proving their trust was part of the game.

When the game is over, reap the rewards. Stop trying to play another game with someone who is content enjoying the spoils.

(Sorry for the extended metaphor, but in all honesty it happens alot. One person tries to make things more difficult or different because of some notion of power or whatever. And that breaks apart relationships very quickly.)

I've never really had a problem with communicating my feelings with the men I've dated. I'm just shy and come across as disinterested at first, and then far too interested far too quickly. This is my own fault, but I also tend to go for men that seek me out (esp. in nonromantic situations) rather than ones that might make better partners.

And that's where change comes in, if I keep having the same problem then it it because it's something that I am doing wrong and the sort of type of guy that I keep going for, so I need to give another genre of man a chance and will probably see a difference in how my relationships go. I've always really wanted the 'nice guy', but don't actually seek out the sort of men that are 'nice' in the way I am looking for.

I'm a very simple creature when it comes to love and sex. If I want sex I will ask for it. I love to snuggle and cuddle, but I'm not big on bothering the whole world with it, I don't really like public displays of affection beyond a hug, peck; hold my hand.

The guy I was dating pretty much just sort of disappeared. In the past I have persued men who have left, and I've found them with other women (they usually fall in love with these girls for a while, but pretty much every guy has come back to me at some point when their relationship falls flat.)

Clearly if I keep having the same problem, then there is a pattern. And just because I am frustrated with it and want to blame everyone but myself, it just can't be true. If the same thing keeps happening, it must be me, and there must be something that is driving them away, which I feel is my lack of chase in the beginning with relationships. I just sort of dive right in, and I think they get scared, especially for a guy who is just looking to date around.

Sooo... mmmaybe my problem is that I am not communicating what I want from these guys once I decide I'm smitten.

I'm already well on the road to personal happiness. I have my own group of friends, I have hobbies and interests and a job. I agree with you on the change aspect. As we get older, we realise that our values and how we relate to people change. We learn that one solution doesn't work, and so we need to try another one, and evolve on a personal level. People can even change the core of who they are. In my teenage years, I wasn't a very kind person. No empathy for the people around me, and no desire to do good for my family or friends. I got older, and through a series of self reflection began a tedious transformation into a much more sociable, empathetic and responsible person.

Now, ten years later, I have a deep sense of caring and responsibility for the people and animals in my life and get a lot of joy out of making other people happy. I'm still working on being less judgemental of other people. (Usually always my judgements are because I'm insecure with myself, and have nothing to do with anyone else.)

I believe that people 'have' to change in order to be happy and to be good people. I don't have a desire to manipulate anyone in a relationship with me; I've moved past that self centered sort of thinking years ago.

But again... I do keep happening on a pattern. So there 'is' something that 'I' am doing wrong if I keep ending up with the same outcome. I don't know if anyone is familiar w/ typology or would find any use in this, but I am an i(n/s)fp. I used to be far more s, but recently have developed more intution.

Anyways, thanks everyone for your advic! Any more advice or experiences are always appreciated! ♥ ♥

[Shinji]

One of my professors spoke of how people typically pick partners with traits that resemble the sexed parent that their sexual identity aligns with. This is not to be confused with them as parents or their parenting methods, but rather their personality traits. It's a weird thing to look at, but then again everything is on a case by case basis really.