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Thread: What do men like in a prospective long term girlfriend?

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    Banannie's Avatar
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    What do men like in a prospective long term girlfriend?

    So the relationship I was in didn't really work out. I have a hard time keeping relationships working for a long period of time, and after some introspection I think it has to do with me being somewhat cold/hot. I don't show that I am interested in a guy until he shows interest in me, and then for him, there is no chase. I live by the, 'I like you, you like me and now we are together.' sort of mantra. It's just who I am, and I can't really change that nor would I want to because I'm a very commited but initially cautious sort of person. It may not be the most attractive trait that I have but if I change myself in that manner I worry that I will attract the wrong sort of person. Stay true to myself, y'know?

    This spring/summer I'm going to really work on myself, inside and out, in order to shine a little more radiantly for someone. But beyond the initial attraction and first few dates, what is it that men enjoy in a long term partner? I realize everyone is different, but I'd like some ideas/tips on how to make someone happy and how to communicate what makes me happy.

    What do men look for, beyond a fling?

    What traits do you find attractive in a woman, starting from the superficial to the more complex ideologies of a prospective mate?

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    Demetri's Avatar
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    I'm so simple.. I just want someone that will be there for me & stick by my side through thick & thin and I'll give them my world

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    Someone who doesn't feel like they have to change themselves to make the guy happy. Sure little things here and there aren't necessarily bad, but when you are with a guy, he chose you because you are you; no one else. No need to change into something that you aren't.

    Also, guys like to have a friend, not like a "bro" but just a good fun person to hang out with, and someone who they can always talk to and be honest with. Or at least this guy does

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    OK I have no advice about what guys look for because a) I'm a girl, and b) I'm literally the worst when it comes to relationships & flirting & all that fun stuff.

    HOWEVER, I do have something to say about working on yourself. I think I've been doing a lot of working on myself recently, and the more I work on myself, the more I open myself up to new relationships w/ people (not necessarily romantic ones even.)

    Working on yourself doesn't mean having the end goal of a relationship or making a boy happy in sight. It's about thinking about yourself honestly and thinking about what you are proud of and what you are not proud of. It's NOT focusing on the things that are out of your control, but rather the things you can control. For me, I am working on being more open to people & not judging them so quickly. I'm working on figuring out what makes me happy & focusing my energies on those things & eliminating the things that don't make me happy. I'm also working on self-confidence & becoming comfortable in my body.

    I think my biggest advice on that is to just spend some time on self reflection. You know best what your weaknesses and strengths are. Work on playing up those strengths and working on the weaknesses. I highly recommend either journaling, taking walks, or doing something else that gives you time to relax & think introspectively. Know that you are an amazing beautiful individual and that eventually you will make a wonderful partner for the right person. Take this time that you are single to really focus on yourself. I find when I am not looking for a guy, that's when he falls into my lap. But do not make a boy your end goal. Make a happy you the end goal.

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    I have always been attracted to the ones that are just simply more mature. Don't have all the petty drama with their girl"friends" all the time. Also someone who isn't always hounding me to spend time with them. If I'm with you 5 days a week, that should be enough. We need to be able to have our own separate social lives as well. Someone who will tell you like it is if you're doing something that they don't like, instead of holding in the resentment and anger to use at a later time in an argument.

    I think the biggest trait that attracts me, is just general kindness and caring for other's feelings. There's a lot of women that I have dated that just seem to have a general hatred for people that aren't in their immediate circle, and that causes problems with me (unnecessary rudeness or blatant disrespect towards another). I also like a woman with an open mind about a lot of things; for example, I have absolutely no problem with the gay community or gay marriage or anything that pertains to that. If a man wants to marry another man, who gives a shit? Let them be happy. They're tax payers just like the rest of us.

    You should be able to hold a conversation and have similar interests. I personally enjoy video games, so I would prefer that I'm not with a woman who doesn't like video games or is going to get mad at me when I want to have an 8 hour Call of Duty session once in a while.

    Also, stability. No man really wants to take care of you. Have a job, do your part to pay the bills. Sure, we'll take you on dates and pay for your dinner, but we're not going to fill your gas tank so you can drive aimlessly around shopping malls looking or which Kohls or Wet Seal you want to shop at. Seriously, there is nothing more sexy to me than a woman with goals and ambition.

    And of course, the sex. You have to be able to relate on what is acceptable and what creeps you out in the bedroom. If you have the same idea on what good sex is, that will be the best sex of your life.


    Ok, I'm rambling on now, so I would just finish with something along the cliche of "be yourself". Don't go looking for someone and force yourself into relationships. Date around, if there's something you don't like about that person, don't stick with it. Find what you want in a man, and let that man come to you. I promise you it will happen.

    Hope I could be of a little help.

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    I'm going to give you the best advice here. You need to be able to:

    PG-13 (for the kids of CK)
    Show him you really care about him, make him feel so special, blah blah blah. >_>

    Rated R (because this is real shit)


    That is all.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Wrath View Post
    I'm going to give you the best advice here. You need to be able to:

    PG-13 (for the kids of CK)
    Show him you really care about him, make him feel so special, blah blah blah. >_>

    Rated R (because this is real shit)


    That is all.
    Show me the way to prosper <3

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    While acting like a heartless douche may not work for some, it does indeed attract others.

    I love my @Whispers very much.

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    @Naomi

    I too am working on my confidence/becoming more comfortable in my own skin.

    I think, I usually go for the guy who approaches me first, but perhaps I need to try to talk to some of the shyer ones out there. Put myself out there a little more rather than waiting for something to come to me.

    I like the idea of having a relationship fall into my lap, but if I don't show that I am interested then I'm not so sure that the right guy will know. Extroverted guys are great, but they usually seem to have more than one girl on their mind. (Pretty faces; bad places; broken hearts sting like darts.)

    I think once I have my own place in a few months I might offer to buy the shy guy sitting alone in the bar a drink. I don't know why I am feeling so bothered by being overlooked, when I'm probably doing the same thing to some darling worthy dude out there.

    My usual tastes (that I somehow end up attracting) are geeky good looking computer savvy elitists that were overlooked at a young age until they grew into themselves and found themselves overrun with women, but are maschosistic in the sense that they keep chasing the ideal of love that helped them get through the tougher times growing up, but are never truely satisfied because their ideals are on imaginative pedastals, rather than the actual truth of what the woman is as a person. Weaknesses and all. I feel this comes from people feeling week in the past, and having not truely overcome, feel uncomfortable seeing such things in another person.

    Or I end up with the very outgoing guy who needs to 'go go go' all the time, and I need time to shut down and recharge, so the guy gets bored and meets someone who matches his energy levels. I always remain friends with this type of person.

    But never have I attempted to date a shy, artsy sort of fellow. Always attracted to the opposite of myself, in a sense I must be more like the first example of the men that run from me, in that I run from people with qualities in myself I'm not completely comfortable with.

    Nice shy guys are usually overlooked. I need to keep my eyes open for them. They are probably the best suited for the introspected, entwined growth that I'm seeking. Hmmmn...

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    A girl that doesn't try/want to change me, if you love me for me all will be peachy, simple.

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