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Thread: i'm not the lazy one ok :'c

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    Lavendrae's Avatar
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    i'm not the lazy one ok :'c

    okay so because my roomies asked me do the dishes four times in a row, i did them. four times in a row. and i'm not talking like a couple dishes here and there. i mean sink full, piled up, no dishes left so we had to do the dishes. so i did them.
    and sure, it was annoying, but i did use a lot of dishes, so i did them because i was responsible

    i since then have never left a dish in the sink. i clean all my dishes after using them. i dry them, and i put them away.

    it was 7 am, and my roommate asked me while i'm half asleep, "if you're not lazy today, can you do the dishes?"
    i straight up didn't answer her for a while. then i said "i guess"
    she asks me if i'm okay.
    yes, i'm okay. but i'm not going to do your 2 mounds of dishes. and that's not because i'm lazy.
    it's because i'm not going to clean up after your mess.

    is that wrong of me?
    i want to straight up say no, but i'm afraid of the backlash. i'm afraid they'll say something that will hurt me. last night, we all agreed that we don't judge each other in this house, but only because if we judge, someone will bring up all that person's faults and say she has no right to judge
    so that's why i'm afraid to say no

    also don't tell me to use a dishwasher. our dishwasher leaves our dishes dirty and oily feeling. we've already gone that route, and we've had to rewash dishes coming out of the washer

    ALSO, i brought my foreman grill because it's useful. we all use it. however, the last person who used it (cooked steak btw) didn't clean it. there was nasty burnt brown gunk all over it when i went to grill my salmon.


    god please don't rip me apart for making this post. i gotta vent every now and then. and if you disagree with me, can you please tell me why? i don't feel like i'm being unreasonable about this. :c

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    Miri's Avatar
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    It's ok.
    I hate doing dishes. Feel justified to point it out to your friends. I get a stern bitching from me mum if I neglect to do them. Their mothers probably never taught them to.
    Fix it before they expect you to always do it

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    Well at the end of the day there not pulling there weight, your not wrong in saying you don't want to clean up there mess, i mean you didnt make the mess so why should you? In my house we just clean up after ourselves it makes no arguments and everyone is happy to do so (which is lucky) but in your case your room mates obviously didn't get brought up well enough to understand independence and responsibility. The problem is your problem like me, you don't want to clean up after other people but you hate having a messy house so you just do it, and as you do it they think they can keep leaving mess around the house and you'll tidy it up eventually. So from now on don't clean any mess that they made, if they want it cleaned then they can do it themselves. It might effect your relationship with your room mates a bit but you can't let them push you around, you can't let anyone push you around you have to learn to stick up for yourself, it doesn't mean your a dick or a horrible person you just have legitimate reasons to be annoyed with them. You should just sit them down and tell them how you feel as nicely as possible as you seem like a nice person. Just let them know that you would muchly appreciate them helping around the house as not all the mess is your doing. Hope this helps @Lavendrae

    @m33r33 You thought what i thought, i guarantee they weren't brought up properly, they would have been spoilt and there parents would have done everything for them, and now they expect the same from you

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    Quote Originally Posted by Snoop Lion View Post
    Well at the end of the day there not pulling there weight, your not wrong in saying you don't want to clean up there mess, i mean you didnt make the mess so why should you? In my house we just clean up after ourselves it makes no arguments and everyone is happy to do so (which is lucky) but in your case your room mates obviously didn't get brought up well enough to understand independence and responsibility. The problem is your problem like me, you don't want to clean up after other people but you hate having a messy house so you just do it, and as you do it they think they can keep leaving mess around the house and you'll tidy it up eventually. So from now on don't clean any mess that they made, if they want it cleaned then they can do it themselves. It might effect your relationship with your room mates a bit but you can't let them push you around, you can't let anyone push you around you have to learn to stick up for yourself, it doesn't mean your a dick or a horrible person you just have legitimate reasons to be annoyed with them. You should just sit them down and tell them how you feel as nicely as possible as you seem like a nice person. Just let them know that you would muchly appreciate them helping around the house as not all the mess is your doing. Hope this helps @Lavendrae
    The thing is I don't care if they don't have dishes to use. If I need a dish, I'll clean it, and I'll use it, and I'll clean it after I use it. Or I'll use a paper plate. I have plenty of those.

    I don't care that much about mess tbh, but I care when I have to clean up a mess that's not mine.

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    Every time you make one of these "Real Life roomie issu"e threads, I wish I could appear before you and give you a hug, or go into your body and destroy them in a debate (as compensation, I would stare at myself in the mirror nude and maybe touch myself while in your body a bit).

    ---

    I don't think you're wrong at all, but college teens are busy and usually only concerned with their own lives,
    or too drunk/drugged up to notice the small things you do.
    That and people are naturally predispositioned to think of others' negative qualities first or initial impressions on issues, despite having corrected them later.

    -You shouldn't ignore them (even for just a moment), because it will come off to them that you are indeed lazy and thinking of ways out or to deny.
    -You also shouldn't subserviently say yes, because it will affirm to them that their earlier comment of you being "lazy" was correct, or they won't think about it and keep pushing dishes on you without any idea of wrongdoing. Don't feed routines you dislike, or they won't end.
    -The point of the above 2 points is to be assertive at the onset; don't bottle feelings or give in - also be calm though, don't just rage at them, esp. at 7 am.

    I'm aware of your personal issues at the moment, but this is a problem you have to come to grips on by yourself and make a change; you need to be bold and brave. To help you, always be calm, even when they may gut you out in a debate and think of what they may say to hurt you, and mount responses against them before confrontation. Basically what I just said was to prepare your jimmies for rustling and think before you act.

    The irony in your statement was despite being "no judge household", your roommate already broke that by making such a judgmental comment as "if you're not lazy today", and clearly mildly offensive in that regard. Don't be a bitch, because bitches never have happy lives, Lavy. There will be backlash, but follow my last paragraph, and I say again:


    Plan your argument out, anticipate their responses, and keep thinking of the worst they may call you out on so you don't break down, losing yourself.


    You can bring up the dirty Foreman Grill (God Bless George Foreman) and other deficits + laziness of your roommates the next time you have the opportunity to debate, for instance.




    Life is full of dicks, be it intentional or not. If you don't harden yourself up and gain confidence now, you'll have to eventually anyways, lest you roll over and die in this life.

    *kiss kiss Lavy*

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    Lavendrae (11-14-2013)

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    @Mod

    ilu never change ;__;
    if you're ever in my body, feel free to do so LOL


    *kiss kiss Mod*

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    You have to sit everyone down and have a chores discussion.

    Make up a list of chores that need to get done, and how often they need to get done (IE - decluttering common spaces, vacuuming, dusting, disinfecting the kitchen, doing dishes, cleaning the bathroom, taking out trash), then set up a system so that everyone has to take their turn. It works best if you have a physical list people can see, so they realize how much work everyone else is doing instead of taking it for granted.

    Instead of assigning tasks per week, you can also just keep a chart of who did it last, where they write their name and date it for when they do a chore. That way everyone can see who is pulling their own weight.

    You can also just flat out say "I can't handle dishes in the sink. Dishes need to be cleaned within two hours of being used, by the person who used them." It's not a ridiculous request, and it would be common courtesy on their part to comply. It's common space - they need to treat it (and you) with respect.

    I've had lots of roommates and I'm happy to give more advice if you like, or even give you examples of spreadsheets for chores (I also have one for purchasing common use items if you need). Feel free to pm me if you like.

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    And its just dishes.. If they get turnt over dishes that's not good. You gots to be brave if not people will run over you

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    @osiyo i may take you up on that, thank you c:
    @m33r33 i'm so bad at standing up for myself but it's some deep rooted psychological shit i'm really working on it tho i swear ;__; baby steps

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    lol so last night the dishes piled up even more, even so that the dishes were left on the counter
    no one confronted me about not doing the dishes

    this morning i came back from my 8am and my friend was like "im late for the bus because i was doing the dishes" and she stared right at me
    ...
    like sorry i'm not going to take responsibility for your laziness
    it takes what? 30 seconds to a minute to clean a dish after you use it?
    not hard. you can stop studying for a minute to do your dishes.

    but i'd rather not bring it up unless someone else does
    i've prepared my side, but i feel weird just bringing it up

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