I would spread its chocolate sides open and furiously lick all of its icing out.
But I wouldn't eat it, that's mariticide.
Occasionally, I would cheat on my Oreo spouse with another Oreo from the box.
They would be my Oreo mistresses.
But I wouldn't touch them again after I've had my way with them.
Nothing but used, soggy, empty whores they'd have become.