How about divorce?

[Misha]

Topics on gay marriage/ polygamy so why not.

What are your views on divorce?

Personally, Ive always been against it. My parents divorced when I was 4 years old, and I do believe it influenced how I view relationships and I believe it contributed to how I have some type of abandonment issues/ separation anxiety. I havent been single for more than a few months for the last 10 years. I hate it. I need companionship. I need to be able to have someone around that I can talk to about my emotions and show me support and stability.


That being said, I am currently going through a divorce. I was stupid and got married at a young age, and now I definitely wish I would have listened to my friends/family. My wife and I dated for 3 years before we got married. She proposed to me. She had cheated on me around a year of us being together, we fought all the time, we didnt really have much in common. Well we got married anyway, I believe subconsciously because we thought it would make us happier. She got pregnant, and had an ectopic pregnancy which required emergency surgery to remove our baby or it would have killed her. Well after that, she was destroyed physically and emotionally and I didnt have the level of attachment to the child as she did.

Then after about a year of marriage, I found out from a friwnd that she was having an affair on me with our neighbor. I kicked her out, a week later she moved in with him, and now just a few weeks ago I found out shes pregnant with his kid.

So needless to say, I want to get this divorce done and over with. I should have never married her in the first place and now I have to deal with the consequences.

Id like to know what other people think about divorce.

[Octopus]

If something like your situation happens, divorce is needed. This is why people must be mature on the choices they make when it impacts their life in the ways that marriage does.

[boomer]

If it's really not working out, if it's negatively impacting the happiness/quality of your life and other people in your life, then it might be the right decision to make.

I just wish people would take it (and marriage) more seriously instead of just doing it on a whim. Is it really marriage if you just divorce a year later? What about if you have kids to think of?

Maybe when you got married you were too young, too naive, and that person is no longer right for you. But maybe when you want to divorce it's just a bad period in your life and some problems can be overcome. I think that's just a decision people have to make based on where they are in their lives.

But I think modern society makes divorce too easy. Or I'm just a romantic and I want to grow old with "the one". Idk.

[Misha]

I agree with both of you. I completely believe in the sanctity of marriage and hate that I have to do this. I wish I wouldnt have gotten married so young, or at the very least, put more thought into the seriousness of it at the time.

[rosieb]

I understand people need to have the option of divorce, like in your case, abuse, what the fuck ever, and I also agree that it's too much of a common practice in our culture...kinda like abortion..another topic, I know. America has a problem with taking these horribly difficult to deal with life choices and ingraining them into our society....Then the gov't leaves the people with little support to come out good on the other side..go figure.

I personally never want to get a divorce because I know it will fuck me up. 26/2 kids/ been with the guy for 9 years and there's no marriage in sight because we damn well know we'd get divorced. Now if only one of us had the nads to leave, but that's easier said than done in our particular situation. -_-

[Foxglove]

I don't agree with getting divorced on a whim (or when things get a little difficult), but there are definitely circumstances and situations where going through a divorce would be far less detrimental than staying in the marriage. Your situation definitely sounds beyond the point of being "a little difficult" so I can definitely see why you'd want a divorce.

Also, I know this wasn't the actual topic of the conversation but since the topic of abortion was mentioned: I feel like it'd be better if people used contraception to begin with, but I don't think abortion is necessarily a bad thing. If you go through the developmental psychopathology literature, it's evident how various parenting practices can serve as risk factors for a host of mental/behavioral 'disorders'. Also, it's important to consider how the environment the child will be brought up in will affect his or her development; there are situations where abortion would potentially prevent the proliferation of someone who would grow up to be a very troubled individual (perhaps troubled even to the point of committing a mass murder?).

[Misha]

I don't agree with getting divorced on a whim (or when things get a little difficult), but there are definitely circumstances and situations where going through a divorce would be far less detrimental than staying in the marriage. Your situation definitely sounds beyond the point of being "a little difficult" so I can definitely see why you'd want a divorce.

Also, I know this wasn't the actual topic of the conversation but since the topic of abortion was mentioned: I feel like it'd be better if people used contraception to begin with, but I don't think abortion is necessarily a bad thing. If you go through the developmental psychopathology literature, it's evident how various parenting practices can serve as risk factors for a host of mental/behavioral 'disorders'. Also, it's important to consider how the environment the child will be brought up in will affect his or her development; there are situations where abortion would potentially prevent the proliferation of someone who would grow up to be a very troubled individual (perhaps troubled even to the point of committing a mass murder?).

I dont feel like aborting a child because it would grow up in a less than suitable environment is a valid reason to do the operation. In cases like that, I personally feel adoption is the way to go. I think the only reason an abortion is necessary is if the woman was raped or it is deemed medically necessary to protect the womas health. But, thats just my personal opinion.

[Foxglove]

Yeah, abortion's a really controversial topic because it gets at a fundamental difference in the way people perceive the situation. And perception is everything!
Someone who's had exposure to 2D images of 3D objects all their life, and who knows how to use depth cues to get a 3D understanding of the objects in the image, will see it completely differently from another person who does not use depth cues to reconstruct the image into a 3D one (so therefore sees the 2D image depicting an ambiguous object, meaning it can be understandably interpreted as 3D or 2D, in 2D). I think the way people perceive the concept of abortion is kind of like that

[Bettser]

Topics on gay marriage/ polygamy so why not.

What are your views on divorce?

Personally, Ive always been against it. My parents divorced when I was 4 years old, and I do believe it influenced how I view relationships and I believe it contributed to how I have some type of abandonment issues/ separation anxiety. I havent been single for more than a few months for the last 10 years. I hate it. I need companionship. I need to be able to have someone around that I can talk to about my emotions and show me support and stability.


That being said, I am currently going through a divorce. I was stupid and got married at a young age, and now I definitely wish I would have listened to my friends/family. My wife and I dated for 3 years before we got married. She proposed to me. She had cheated on me around a year of us being together, we fought all the time, we didnt really have much in common. Well we got married anyway, I believe subconsciously because we thought it would make us happier. She got pregnant, and had an ectopic pregnancy which required emergency surgery to remove our baby or it would have killed her. Well after that, she was destroyed physically and emotionally and I didnt have the level of attachment to the child as she did.

Then after about a year of marriage, I found out from a friwnd that she was having an affair on me with our neighbor. I kicked her out, a week later she moved in with him, and now just a few weeks ago I found out shes pregnant with his kid.

So needless to say, I want to get this divorce done and over with. I should have never married her in the first place and now I have to deal with the consequences.

Id like to know what other people think about divorce.

My parents divorced when I was 10 years old. It crushed me for awhile, but it actually better in the end with both parents being successful and happy, therefore creating two happy environments for me. I know this isn't always the case for the situation, but having the opportunity for a better environment for the parents and child IS needed if the original household is broken.

[rosieb]

I dont feel like aborting a child because it would grow up in a less than suitable environment is a valid reason to do the operation. In cases like that, I personally feel adoption is the way to go. I think the only reason an abortion is necessary is if the woman was raped or it is deemed medically necessary to protect the womas health. But, thats just my personal opinion.

I'm a human services major...strong human development/social justice undertones in my electives...but..yeah...

Harris consistently reinforces the fact that hereditary personality traits only account for at most 50% of human personality development. For one to blindly subscribe to the school of thought that parents are solely responsible for the rest of development via the environment they create is not only inaccurate, but it also downplays the complexity of the human mind. Upon reading Harris’s (1995) review of Maccoby & Martin, it’s pretty clear that there is more to human development than, “… (that) either…parental behaviors have no effect, or that the only effective aspects of parenting must vary greatly from one child to another within the same family”. I have always found the depth of cultural and society influence on development to be astounding, and in essence, this is what Harris is suggesting as well.
References
Harris, J. R. (1995). Where Is the Child's Environment? A Group Socialization Theory of Development. Psychological Review. doi:10.1037/0033-295X.102.3.458

So given that snippet of information, I'd never agree with aborting due to possible predisposition to ANYTHING, especially psychological issues. xD