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Thread: Question about your significant other's friends?

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    Question about your significant other's friends?

    Me and my boyfriend just got into a huge fight, which is very rare so it's pretty upsetting to me.

    We have two extra passes to go to Six Flags this Sunday, and I wanted to invite my friends Greg and Amanda (another couple, so I thought it'd be fun.) Well, Greg works Sunday, so that was out.

    Well then Ben wanted to invite two friends of his: Tyler and Becky. I'm okay with Tyler but I've told Ben time and time again I dislike Becky.

    He asks me /every/ time why I don't like her, and it's because we've been friends on Facebook twice, and both times she's unfriended me for being "annoying," as well as she's just super awkward around me. She was also one of Ben's first crushes, which makes me kind of uncomfortable also.

    Anyways, our fight was that I should just go and get along with her for his sake. I think this is kinda ridiculous.

    I mean, this girl has never been friendly towards me. Why should I be subjected to her company with absolutely no way out of the situation? I wouldn't care if we were hanging out at his house and she was there too, because I mean, at least I could leave at will if I felt the need to.

    I'm not friends with any of Ben's friends, really. This is really weird for me because every single one of my past boyfriends have been from my immediate friends group (high school) and so I'm used to like, enjoying the company and never having to worry.

    Now I have to deal with these people I wasn't really fond of in high school (we ran in different circles), who really are obnoxiously annoying. He even admits this, but I'm still being forced to hang with his friends. He knows Becky is my least favorite and he still invited her even though I didn't want her to go.

    I don't bar him from hanging with his friends when I'm not around, and I don't force him to hang with mine either (though admittedly, most of my...like 4 friends are all off at college so it's not even an option.)

    My question:

    Am I being completely unreasonable, or is this normal?

    If you think I'm being stupid or just a bitch, explain to me what I can do to try and be friends with this girl?

    And is he being unreasonable to make me hang with them?

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    roundhouse her nose in.

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    Batgirl (06-15-2013),Carrot (06-15-2013),neomaster (06-15-2013)

  4. #3
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    It makes sense, your boyfriend should respect your opinion. Next time you guys are hanging out, invite a guy that you know he is jealous of so he knows what it feels like, then discuss it with him afterwards about why this girl makes you uncomfortable.

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    whatisthis (06-18-2013)

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    I think you are in the right. However, (nothing against Carrot, her idea could work too) I don't think you should use a "revenge" approach to deal with your boyfriend. Just sit down and talk, and ask him hypothetically if he'd want the certain guy along. More communication makes for a healthy relationship. Just make sure you are both calm. That's how my bf and I work things out. Hope that helps a little. <3 (:

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    Thanks guys! I actually do have a friend that would do that, but I'm really hesitant to do that because I'm not looking to like make him jealous or anything.

    @nonchalantic

    We tried communicating last night, he was so stubborn it was ridiculous, but then again I guess I was too. I just kept repeating: "I am not hanging out with her."

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    I think you were both caught up in the heat of the moment. Just let some time pass, cool off. If he loves you, he would listen to you.
    Pick a good time, make him some food, snuggle up to him, tell him you needed to talk (but not in a bad way).
    Begin with "I love you" (if you do) or something to that effect, "but there's something that's really hurting me, and I feel like you've been neglecting me whenever I try to bring it up."
    Subtle guilt-trips?

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    I personally think you are right, but it seems like one of those situations where you just have to compromise with him. If you normally are with his friends, then it seems like it would only be fair that he let's you bring two of your friends, but if you have him hang out with your friends a lot, maybe just go with them and try to get along. You don't have to be super friendly to her or anything, just civil

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    @shadowbreakdown, are Tyler and Becky a couple? If not, I do find it grossly inappropriate that he would invite another female that he had feelings for in the past that he knows you're uncomfortable with. That throws up SERIOUS red flags for me, but I've been cheated on a lot so I'm paranoid as fuck.

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    I hate to be that guy but in my opinion your not wrong but your not right in the same regard, I dont really know you but that brings back my general point to my self in life is to give everyone another chance not matter the situation, Im not saying this works for everyone in every situation but I try to apply it no matter the situation.

    I'm a lover not a fighter, and I push my self to find the best in people and just try to find the best in people as hard as that is sometimes

    .....and back to your point about high school and not running in the same friend groups, I dont wanna be mean or step on your toes or anything but its not high school any more, life moves on from that we grow up, some people stay the same and life changes. I know this my self because I graduated just about a year ago and I would have never guessed where I would be today. Your gonna always work, or be surrounded by people that you may not necessarily like but its how you handle your self in the situation that makes life much better.

    as for your boyfriend, its still a little problem that he has not been listening to what you have to say at times but what guy does not, personally the last time I had a girl friend I was a terrible boyfriend and I needed to mature a lot but she still hung in with me way longer than she had too.


    Im just throwing out some straight thoughts out of my head, that are not meant to have assumptions scattered in between or hurt feeling or offend you, Im just putting my straight thoughts onto paper I guess you could say. Anyway I hope that helps, and If not Im sorry
    Last edited by Wenis; 06-15-2013 at 11:36 AM.

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    Believe me, and I mean this in the nicest way and I'm not just being a douche, but I think you may be a bit in the wrong, at least from my perspective of things.
    (Feel free to fill in any misconceptions I may have)

    I just know that a relationship is a two way road. There are aspects about each other that you might not like. The part that allows you to overlook them is why you guys can care about each other so much. I personally hate my current girlfriend's friends. They're awful. They're loud and obnoxious. One of them tried to break us up because she had a crush on me. Another on tried to cheat with my best friend (before me and my girlfriend were going out, so it already left a bad taste in my mouth) and basically my friend was like, no, and this girl got all mad and told everyone they had fucked. So my social clique and my girlfriend's social clique hate each other, and understandably. Yet for some reason, we are incredibly solid together and that's because we don't succumb to the pettiness that all our friends do.

    We've had conversations where we've talked about our dislike for each other's friends. However, being a support system means dealing with the negatives. Life isn't all about rainbows and happiness, reality says that we might have to just suck it up and deal.

    Now this chick, the one you dislike, you obviously seem to have a good reason for disliking her. She might just straight up be a bitch. It's possible, even likely. But you should probably support your boyfriend regardless. If he wants to have some friends you might not necessarily like, you can't really say "Pick me or Pick her" which is what happens when you refuse to be around them, even if you don't mean it like that. Just explain to your boyfriend your feelings, but don't just say "She GONNNNNE". It should be his decision ultimately. Would you like it if your bf was like "I don't like your friend. When you hang out with them I'm not going to be around you period." Probably not.

    There is a very fine line though. If this bitch makes advances that are over friendly, let your boyfriend know that THAT is not O.K., and if he doesn't stop it himself then you are going to go all Super Saiyan Bitch Attack on her in the middle of Six Flags.

    Lastly, just try and be understanding of each other and don't let it be a big deal. Just put on a fake smile sometimes. There are situations where you might just need to be by his side, not overly enjoying yourself. I know personally that there are sacrifices I make every day for my girlfriend because I care about her and I know she would do the same for me. Relationships are two sided and they only last if you can adapt.

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