So first of all, feel free to totally ignore this thread or come and chat with me while I talk nonsense.

Basically, I have always been that cheerful girl who always think about others before thinking about herself first. The kind of girl that never spoke against anybody and always tried to make her best without wanting others to look at her. During years, I really thought I had friends to count on, to talk with about anything. However, I guess that was just a dumb illusion and in fact, those people were just hypocrites. I used to date that guy for years, who I really thought he could have been the love of my life. He was the kind of quiet guy, who was always so nice and gentle. He wasn't popular among girls, and was also misjudged a lot, but god, he was perfect to me. Later on, we even talked about living together and getting more serious, but maybe he just freaked out, I don't know. We never really talked about this and he just left, dumping me. And then, when graduation came, everything changed. My ''friends'' just stabbed me in the back and started dating him before he was now so perfect and handsome. At that moment, I just decided to move on and stop thinking about him, that he wasn't worth it, even if that's not what I was wishing for. So anyway, during my graduation day, where everything should have been great, because I thought that only for once, it could have been my day, those people just got angry at me. To make this short, let's say that during that day, I won 2 medals, due to my efforts and implication during all our high school years, and people started to get jealous. That girl even came to me just to yell at me how selfish I was, never letting a chance to others. That supposedly, all I had always cared for was getting attention. And then, all these people, who I thought were my friends, started to walk away from me. Without even supporting me or helping me.

The situation of being alone since then has never changed. It seems that people can tell anything to fuck somebody's reputation, telling people I'm just an attention-whore. As I live in a small town, away from big cities, where I just can't make ''new friends'', it's almost impossible not to run into these girls. I have tried making new friends, but it seems like either they look at me like I'm some kind of shit, or we are just not made to get along.

I just don't even get what I did wrong. All I have always done was make my best, and it looks like people always have some sort of reason to stab others in the back. I'm just so done with that town and those people who live in it.

And then, there's that stupid moment, when I realize that I'm really trusting you guys, more than the ones I study with. I guess it's just the fact that people here won't judge.

I just didn't know where else to write. I kinda wanted to let that part of me go, so I can finally be in peace with myself.
I just wish somebody truly cared about me. That I still had a true friend among those people who live in my town. However, I just feel like I can't truly trust people anymore. I just don't want to risk being hurt so much again, and ending up all alone, by myself, having to deal with these emotions again.