I just need a thread to let it go.
So first of all, feel free to totally ignore this thread or come and chat with me while I talk nonsense.
Basically, I have always been that cheerful girl who always think about others before thinking about herself first. The kind of girl that never spoke against anybody and always tried to make her best without wanting others to look at her. During years, I really thought I had friends to count on, to talk with about anything. However, I guess that was just a dumb illusion and in fact, those people were just hypocrites. I used to date that guy for years, who I really thought he could have been the love of my life. He was the kind of quiet guy, who was always so nice and gentle. He wasn't popular among girls, and was also misjudged a lot, but god, he was perfect to me. Later on, we even talked about living together and getting more serious, but maybe he just freaked out, I don't know. We never really talked about this and he just left, dumping me. And then, when graduation came, everything changed. My ''friends'' just stabbed me in the back and started dating him before he was now so perfect and handsome. At that moment, I just decided to move on and stop thinking about him, that he wasn't worth it, even if that's not what I was wishing for. So anyway, during my graduation day, where everything should have been great, because I thought that only for once, it could have been my day, those people just got angry at me. To make this short, let's say that during that day, I won 2 medals, due to my efforts and implication during all our high school years, and people started to get jealous. That girl even came to me just to yell at me how selfish I was, never letting a chance to others. That supposedly, all I had always cared for was getting attention. And then, all these people, who I thought were my friends, started to walk away from me. Without even supporting me or helping me.
The situation of being alone since then has never changed. It seems that people can tell anything to fuck somebody's reputation, telling people I'm just an attention-whore. As I live in a small town, away from big cities, where I just can't make ''new friends'', it's almost impossible not to run into these girls. I have tried making new friends, but it seems like either they look at me like I'm some kind of shit, or we are just not made to get along.
I just don't even get what I did wrong. All I have always done was make my best, and it looks like people always have some sort of reason to stab others in the back. I'm just so done with that town and those people who live in it.
And then, there's that stupid moment, when I realize that I'm really trusting you guys, more than the ones I study with. I guess it's just the fact that people here won't judge.
I just didn't know where else to write. I kinda wanted to let that part of me go, so I can finally be in peace with myself.
I just wish somebody truly cared about me. That I still had a true friend among those people who live in my town. However, I just feel like I can't truly trust people anymore. I just don't want to risk being hurt so much again, and ending up all alone, by myself, having to deal with these emotions again.
From what I've seen, you're a genuinely talented, kind-hearted, and sweet individual. You're really pretty, and obviously really smart to have won those medals. It really probably was just that - jealousy. No matter how nice you are to others, how much you try to do right by everyone, there will always be someone out there who's envious of your successes and will try to undermine you when given the chance. My father used to tell me a story about how he was best friends with a classmate who ended up being one of his worst enemies - he'd take things my father confided in him and use them against him, and even voted against my dad in secret when it was time to choose a captain for one of the school's sports teams. I don't quite get why anyone would want to condemn another person for their successes, but some people are just like that, I guess. It makes them feel better about not being as good as you. It's outrageous that they even tried using your ex against you to make you feel bad, but some people probably just take longer than others to mature. ~_~
Even if it's hard to avoid those girls, don't let them get to your head. All you need to know is that they're the ones being petty, and you're the one being true to yourself. Have you considered applying to an out of state university? It might give you the chance to connect with other people outside your current circle if you're looking for new friends.
We're always here for you if you want to chat! I find the friendships I make online tend to be a lot more meaningful than many of my real life ones sometimes.
I too faced a similar problem mentioned in First Paragraph you wrote.
My friends always seemed to be with me when I faced problems . When our little crews began feuding against others.
They had my back and i had theirs. But then in my life , I fell for a girl in High School , and i started noticing that slowly these people began to fade away. I though everything was perfect . I lasted 2 years with these girl. One of my so called friends slowly began talking to her and started taking her away from me little by little. I never knew of their communication until she left her phone in my house . That day i realized how much of I was ignoring my family who was there for me and helped me throughout my young struggles.So now i value everthing they do for me ! Now that girl is pregnant living with that idiot who cared nothing more but SEX. AND Now I stand in a good spot with good influences around me.
Thanks for your time in reading this!
I am truly sorry to hear about that, and you do not deserve that at all, if you ever need someone to talk to I am here for you, and know this, I will always care
Aw, thank you sweetie. <3
Originally Posted by Lorn
I am actually thinking about studying in California on my second year of University, but I'm also thinking about taking a break next year to go live in Paris with my sister. I just really feel like I need a break and be somewhere I don't know anyone, just to start something new and fresh.
However, I'll be a year late for my studies and my dad isn't so happy with the idea.
---------- Post added at 10:28 PM ---------- Previous post was at 10:26 PM ----------
@~Domenick~ Aw thank you, you're way too sweet! I appreciate. <3
I'm glad to know everything got back in order for you @TreesNut. I just hope things will get back in order for myself really soon. I'm so tired of this .-.
The Following User Says Thank You to Cath For This Useful Post:
I said this before and say this repeatedly:
You're young, everyone's young. All still children really.
So of course it's rational that people your age are acting on whims to start drama, to one-up one another in attempts to win what they think at the time are most imporant: popularity.
People your age have yet to face the world as independent adults, relying on necessities off parents and only knowing the 'good side' of life, imitating stuff you see on TV, dramas and such.
As for your ex, again normal. Guys at that age are only looking for a good time and to conquer as many girls as they can.
1. When you dropped the idea of commitment, he may have freaked out at the thought of being *stuck* with you and bailed.
2. If you two had been together a long time, he may have just been bored and wanted a new girl. Harsh but true.
Don't worry about high school graduation; it's not as cracked up as everyone thinks it is. All exploded from TV (notice there are more HS drama shows than college/young adult drama shows?). It's just a day in your life with immature kids concerned with 'swag'. When I was your age doing my HS grad, I flipped out because it wasn't epic, nor did I achieve that awesomeness/perfection I always envisioned. Just a day, then the next morning I realized, "Oh, it passed.". B'yeah, you can have way more days of fun than 1 silly night of HS grad; you've still got another ~60 years to go, and at least ~20 of youthful fun.
Let the haters hate. They only waited until your big day to trump you, 'cause they know you wanted it to be special. Bitches be bitches. Secondly, they did it that day because they knew they wouldn't have another opportunity after. It was an all-or-nothing assault.
Did they get you down hard that day? That's what they wanted.
It's often the nicest people that get picked on and are abused in high school.
Well even not in high school, but in life overall.
You're a nice girl as you say, so they saw it as slim pickins to get you down. If you were a mean bitch, they wouldn't have dared.
But we are who we are, we can't change it. We can only drown out the haters.
I used to be a real nice guy in HS, and people still say I'm too nice. Maybe I am, but in the years since HS, I've learned to turn a cold shoulder and go after people who are out to get me. Just something adulthood will teach you (or you'll be scam bait otherwise).
Just know of all the days you've yet to experience as an undergrad and young adult, doing the same or better than HS graduation. Ans you'll be better because you'll be smarter, with smarter and more mature people, and have more money to blow. After is when your real life begins, when you become who you're to be in the future. Your career, your expertise, your true/mature friends, your income, your history, everything.
You don't need those girls as your friends. They're what? 10-20 random heads in a tiny town, compared to the 30m+ population in Canada, and 6b+ population worldwide (don't rag me if the #s are wrong). We're destined to meet new people, better people. People more in tune with our tastes and interests. It shouldn't shock you that you haven't found them yet in a pool as tiny as your high school grade in that town. You and those girls, you don't even know what you truly like yet. Let time decide that for you.
And maybe when you're back home a few years down the road during break, and you see those same bitches, they won't be bitches any more (maybe). Maybe they'll realize the mistake of their actions and make amends with you, or at least have the civility to look past the past. I know I have. Of the people I used to have beef with, I saw my own mistakes and sought to correct them when I could, and like-wise. There's only a handful of immature douches I refuse to reconcile with, because it's their own problem that despite being in their 20s, still act like they're 14.
Reality is, maybe you won't find a true friend in your town anymore. But should it matter? I doubt you'll be sticking around that little hamlet for eternity. You're going to Uni, girl! In the big (or bigger) city, to see new things! And 90% of students in classes are loners. In 1st and 2nd year, they still have some HS buddies kickin' in their classes, but eventually everyone is alone and learns to be open to making new friendships. True fact.
Originally Posted by katzes
Personally, of the people I knew in my hometown, I'm still only cool with ~10-20%. I let the rest drop because I learned I didn't matter to them, and they didn't matter to me. Better to keep those who you know got your back when you need it, rather than gamble on those who might sell you out when it's important. Now the people I've met in Uni in my current town, I can say I like them a lot. We're tight. We're no longer in the dumb-kid mentality that your *friends* are still in, and I trust them hell of a lot more than some of the peeps I've known since I was 7 back home. And it's not just me, I'm sure a lot of cKers can attest to this.
You might be hurt like this again, you might not. It'll depend on how well you learn from this and mature.
If you are hurt again, well so be it. Because that's life and just how we, as people grow to become better.
Some people fall once and scrape their knees, then never again. Some fall a few more times and get some pretty fucked up knees.
But in the end, we all get there as people, which is what matters.
It may not be of much consolation, but we do. Chances are we'll never meet or shake hands, that we'll eventually forget of each others' existence. But in the meantime, you're not alone.
Originally Posted by katzes
(yo, if I ever pop into your end of the country and you still remember me, can you be my tour guide?)
Does your school have a study-abroad program? You'd be able to continue pursuing your degree but with the added benefit of being in an entirely new environment. Studying in a foreign country may seem daunting but the few of my friends who did it used to rave about how much fun it was. :3
Originally Posted by katzes
Edit: Oh, California is pretty much abroad for you, haha. Derp
If you really feel like you need a break, I'm sure your father would understand. I said this before somewhere but my friend took a whole year off before starting college to go traveling, and after settling down she did amazingly in her classes anyway.
Last edited by Daenery; 05-18-2013 at 11:43 PM.
Originally Posted by Mod
But thank you @Mod, as always. I will definitely be your tour guide if you ever come visit Quebec (but honestly, you shouldn't, it's quite boring).
I don't think I have let these people know they hurt me, but I sure am deep inside because they had my trust, and I don't trust people easily. I just hate the fact I have been betrayed. However, I just can't wait until I never meet them ever again, this is definitely going to be the best day in my life.
I have no doubt University will be a LOT better, and I actually can't wait for it!
I cant console nor type essays but if you wanna get on Skype/TinyChat more often, we can always have giant group chats.
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I have been to California only once and I absolutely loved it!
Originally Posted by Lorn
+ Actually, where I live, there's that thing called ''CEGEP'' between High school and University. I can't attend an University somewhere else until I'm done with it, so I still have a few years before I can do it. (As I'm starting a nursery program)
---------- Post added at 10:59 PM ---------- Previous post was at 10:52 PM ----------
My Skype is getting quite laggy, but I should definitely get onto TC more often !
Originally Posted by Drizzy
I will miss talking with you guys when I'll be in Japan in 2 weeks.