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Thread: 50k neopoints to the funniest joke!!!!!!

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    50k neopoints to the funniest joke!!!!!!

    I need a laugh. Post some jokes here please. Any kind of joke. If I like it I'll thank your post. If I actually laugh out loud I'll give you 50k nps.

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    Victoria's Avatar
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    A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head.

    The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: "My friend is dead! What can I do?"

    The operator, in a calm, soothing voice, says: "Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead."

    There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: "Okay, now what?"

    - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

    Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson goes on a camping trip. After a good dinner and a bottle of wine, they retire for the night, and go to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend.

    'Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."

    I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes," replies Watson.

    "And what do you deduce from that?"

    Watson ponders for a minute.

    "Well, astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three.

    "Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe. What does it tell you, Holmes?"

    Holmes is silent for a moment. 'Watson, you idiot!" he says. "Someone has stolen our tent!"

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    Good news everyone!

    I've invented a device that allows you to hear my voice in your head!

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    Why was 6 afraid of 7
    CUS 789 LULUILOSA<SOL

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    Two fish are in a tank. One says to the other "How do you drive this thing?"

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    Not jokes, but they made me giggle.

    Today I bought a packet of salted nuts. On the pack it said "Warning, may contain nuts." Well I would be pretty disappointed if I opened it up and a sock fell out...


    There are three types of learners. The ones who learn by seeing, those who learn by hearing, and those who have to pee on an electric fence to learn their lesson.

    How to cook something frozen:

    1. Take it out of the box.
    2. Put the food in the oven/ microwave
    3. Throw away box.
    4. Take box back out of the bin because you forgot to check the cooking instructions.

    When your pen runs out:
    5% calmly putting it away and getting a new one.
    95% SCRIBBLE SCRIBBLE SCRIBBLE!

    Death: Take my hand..
    Person: No! I know that if I touch you I'll die!
    Death: OMG you're so smart! High Five!
    *Person High-Fives*
    Death: Dumbass..

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    gorthalon's Avatar
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    There once was a man from Nantucket
    This is true because the 2010 census proved that there are more than 5,000 men living in Nantucket.

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    A blonde knocked my door earlier and said, "Have you lost a cat?"
    I said, "Yes."
    blonde said, "Black & White?"
    I said, "Yes."
    blonde said, "I've just seen it."
    I said, "Whereabouts?"
    she said, "Follow me."
    we walked up the road, and she pointed to a tree and said, "There, on that poster."

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    >>>----------(knee)-------->

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    Roses are red
    Violets are blue
    I used to rhyme
    Then I took an arrow to the knee

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