Found on Diablo III's reddit (I was bored, ok?). Someone made this post on the official forums:


VILLAGERS: OMG THE UNDEAD ARE RISING

LEAH: ITS JUST UNCLE DECKARDS CRAZY STORIES

*VILLAGER GETS HEAD EATEN OFF

LEAH: AGAIN, JUST STORIES, I ASSURE YOU

*NAKED OUT OF PLACE WITCH DOCTOR SHOWS UP

LEAH: I TOTALLY TRUST YOU COMPLETELY, LETS GO FIND UNCLE DECKARD

LEAH: LOOK THERE HE IS, FELL DOWN 100 FEET OR SO BUT HES FINE

*EVERYONE GOES BACK TO TOWN

DECKARD CAIN: RANDOM WITCH DOCTOR, GO KILL THE SKELETON KING, HE RESURRECTED JUST BECAUSE THIS ENTIRE ACT IS A DIABLO 1997 REFERENCE

WITCH DOCTOR: K

*WITCH DOCTOR KILLS SKELETON KING AND FINDS A NAKED BLACK MAN

WITCH DOCTOR: YO DECKARD, I FOUND THIS NAKED BLACK DUDE

DECKARD CAIN: K GO FIND HIS SWORD PIECES

WITCH DOCTOR: Y????

DECKARD CAIN: DUNNO LMAO, JUST A GUESS

*MAGDA SHOWS UP

MAGDA: I COME FROM WORLD OF WARCRAFT TO DESTROY U

WITCH DOCTOR: K LMAO ALREADY GOT THE SWORD PIECES

MAGDA: DAMN!!!!! ILL JUST GO STEAL THAT NAKED BLACK DUDE AND PROLONG THIS ACT FOR NO REASON

*SHOOTS FIRE AT CAIN, STEALS BLACK MAN

LEAH: STORIES KILLED MY UNCLE!!!!!!!!!

WITCH DOCTOR: PRETTY SURE MAGDA DID, NUB

*WITCH DOCTOR RUNS TO SAVE BLACK MAN

WITCH DOCTOR: OMG THE BUTCHER, ANOTHER POINTLESS RESURRECTION OF A 1997 DIABLO CHARACTER WITH NO EXPLANATION

BUTCHER: AH FRESH MEAT!!!!!!!!!!!

*BUTCHER DIES, BLACK MAN SAVED

TYRAEL: YO HERE I AM FOOL

WITCH DOCTOR: WHY U BLACK NOW DOG?

TYRAEL: TOKEN BLACK ANGEL LMAOOOOO

*GOES TO ACT 2

VILLAGERS: OMG THE PRINCE SENT ALL THE GUARDS AWAY

WITCH DOCTOR: HE MUST BE BELIAL IN DISGUISE

LEAH: NO, NO WAY, LET'S GO ON A POINTLESS QUEST TO DO A BUNCH OF CRAP DESPITE THE FACT THAT WE ALREADY KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON.

ADRIA: HEY DAUGHTER SUP

LEAH: OH HEY MOMS, JUST MORE STORIES TEEHEE

ADRIA: WE MUST GET THE BLACK SOULSTONE USING THIS OLD HORADRIM DUDE THAT CREATED IT

WITCH DOCTOR: K

*WITCH DOCTOR RECOVERS THE SOULSTONE:

WITCH DOCTOR: WAIT, HOW DID THE SOULS OF THE OTHER 5 DEMONS GET IN HERE ALREADY?

ADRIA: DON'T WORRY BOUT IT DOG... CHRIS METZEN

WITCH DOCTOR: GOT IT!

BELIAL: I AM THE WORST LIAR EVERRRRRRRRRRRRRR

WITCH DOCTOR: WE KNOW

*CAPTURES SOUL

*GOES TO ACT 3

AZMODAN: YO DAWG, ATTACKING UR RAMPARTS

WITCH DOCTOR: THANKS FOR THE LEAD BRO

AZMODAN: HEY NP DAWG, ATTACKING UNDERNEATH NOW

WITCH DOCTOR: HEY DUDE THANKS AGAIN, COULDNT HAVE DONE IT WITHOUT U

AZMODAN: ANYTIME, HEY COME TO MY PLACE SO WE CAN SMOKE SOME BLOW

*WITCH DOCTOR GOES TO THE HEART OF SIN

WITCH DOCTOR: YO I BROUGHT THE WEED

AZMODAN: SWEET DAWG, BEING A WARLORD IS TOUGH

WITCH DOCTOR: JK LMAO, GOT UR SOUL

*GOES BACK TO BASE

WITCH DOCTOR: OMG LEAH IS THE PRIIIIIIME EVIL!!!!!!!!!!!

ADRIA: YEA PLANNED THIS 20 YEARS AGO DOG

WITCH DOCTOR: BUT, AGAIN, HOW DID U GET ALL THE SOULS IN HERE IF YOU JUST NOW GOT THE BLACK SOULSTONE?

ADRIA: CHRIST METZEN

WITCH DOCTOR: GOTCHA!!!!!!!!!

*GOES TO ACT 4

DIABLO: WELCOME TO MY REALM OF TEAR-OR!!!!!!!!! I AM THE PRIME EEEEVILLLLL

WITCH DOCTOR: WHY DON'T YOU LOOK LIKE A COMBINATION OF ALL THE EVILS THEN???

DIABLO: I DUNNO... ASK CHRIS METZEN

WITCH DOCTOR: K

DIABLO: CAN YOU TELL I'M A GIRL THIS GAME??? I CAN'T STOP TALKINGGGGGGG

DIABLO: LOOK TYRAEL, UR OWN LIEUTENANT

TYRAEL: WAIT, HOW DID IZUAL COME BACK?

DIABLO: CHRIS METZEN MADE IT HAPPENNNNNNNNNN

IZUAL: I AM BACK FOR ABSOLUTELY NO REASONNNNNNN

*IZUAL DIES

DIABLO: HE WAS USELESS ANYWAY, COEM KILL MEEEEE

*WITCH DOCTOR ENTERS REALM OF TERROR

DIABLO: WELCOME TO MY REALM OF TEAR-ORRRRRR, NO ONE HAS EVER ESCAPED

*DIABLO DIES

TYRAEL: WE DID IT BOYS... ANGELS.... AND MEN!!!!!!!!!!!!